A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He has been wanting me to move in for awhile now ( we live 40 mins apart) and well, I really don't want too. Here is why- His house is a wreck. He does not sweep or dust. He has two 130 pound dogs inside so imagine the hair they shed, and dirt they bring in. He smokes inside so that creates more dust. He will take out the trash but everything else is so filthy. The one dog sleeps with him so then there is hair, dirt, slobber there. And NO, he does not wash his bedding very often. I try to help out, but I am not going to clean up after him and his dogs on a regular basis. He does work a swing shift which I know is hard on the body and he is tired ALL the time and honestly when he is off work he sleeps a lot. He sleeps, eats, and smokes on his off days. I think maybe he has some depression? He never really wants to do anything unless it is visiting HIS family. I care about him and don't want to ditch him but I can't stand the thought of living in a filthy house where my partner does nothing but sleep most of the time.I just can't comprehend how he can go day in and day out living in such a dirty place. I would have to clean, take care of the dogs, cook, ect. If he doesn't help do it now I doubt he will with me living there.. thoughts ?? p.s. his hygiene is very good.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 December 2015):
 I think he only wants you to move in so you'll be hos cleaning lady.
Tell him you will move in once the dogs move out of the bed and he's able to keep the house clean and neat and up to your standards.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 December 2015):
 You can love someone and have a great relationship without moving in together. If his house were not the issue is moving in what you want to do?, because there is nothing wrong with wanting to remain in your own home and live your own way. My guess is that the relationship would eventually become strained and come to an end anyway or you will become his house maid with little or no time for much else due to exhaustion or resentment. The soft approach for me would be something like : " I love you ,what we have, but I also love my own space". Basically thanks but no thanks.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2015):
 have you told him WHY you don't want to move in?
if not that would be my first place to start. Being honest is never a bad thing in a relationship. "Sweetie, while I love you (if you do) your chosen lifestyle is not acceptable for me." letting him know you don't want to live with dogs in the bed or smoke in the house is the first place to go.... see what happens after that conversation.
Where to you expect this relationship to go? IF you don't like how he lives with his dogs, then I don't see it progressing past this stage unless you opt to marry and live apart.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2015): You don't have to move in with him and I suggest you don't because one week later you will be a nervous wreck.
The point is how do you tell him?
You can just say no thanks but he won't get it,so maybe you have to compromise and agree that if it all goes well you can both house search for a place that is twenty minutes from your former homes and also agree to keep the dogs in kennels in the garden.
But why not just ignore his moving in requests?
That way you have your cake and eat it.
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