A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I've been dating someone for 6 months now and generally it's been great. She has had a personal trainer (PT) for about 8 months. I was happy she had goals and wants to achieve them. I've started becoming concerned with the chats they have. Her PT even makes jokes about me when he pretends he is me in their chats. She regularly brings him food because he asks for it ,such as smoked salmon, protein yogurts and any high protein food. I find it a bit weird considering she pays him money and every time he asks for food she happily brings some to him! He is a black guy which I am by no means racist. According to what she said her PT asked her if she is into black guys which she supposedly said no. He also told her he has a girlfriend and is cheating on her with 3 other women! I told her he is a player and is probably after one thing. She responds to me with "he is a very popular guy, I think you would like him". No chance. The fact that he is demonstrating a lack of respect for women and she still thinks he is great is a worry.Sadly I have not noticed much change in my girlfriends physique or energy levels. Not sure what this means either not really training or they are doing other things than the PT sessions. Her PT also calls her "Jizzle" as a nick name, which I find very odd and concerning. My question is do you reckon she is actually into him or just going along with it all to try and become fitter and in better shape? I'm fairly sure he would want to get it on with her if he can but it's really difficult for me to tell if she just jokes about it to make it look like it's all false. Sorry for the essay! Any thoughts would be appreciated Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2015): There's no reason for you're girlfriend to buy another man food. Unless he's a family member. She definitely into him.
It's possible they haven't slept together. Maybe he's just schmoozing her to keep her as a client and get free food. Maybe she's always liked him but knows he would never be faithful to her so she keeps this "Personal Trainer" relationship going just so she can have him in her life.
Either ways it's weird. And it makes you uncomfortable. She's way too close with him and I'm sure wouldn't like it if the tables were turned.
Six months is not a long time. So let her know that her relationship with this guy makes you uncomfortable and see what she says. If she really cares about you then she'll try to rectify the situation. If she doesn't care then she'll keep doing what she's doing. And you can move on and find a woman who's a little more considerate of her mans feelings.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2015):
He has definitely been testing the waters to screw her. If she won't even admit this fact to you, then dont bother trying to convince her. She either being dishonest with you or deluding herself. Just point out the facts plainly: "He is working his way into your pants and you are helping him along."
It's not surprising if she thinks he is popular. Women usually like male sluts more than other guys do.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 October 2015):
 Too little info for me to go on. It could be something, it could be nothing. A life lesson though, is to never judge someone. Remember that she's innocent until proven guilty. Don't rush to assumptions. If the behavior puts you off, then maybe tell her so, or perhaps find another girlfriend, someone you feel you can trust. However, if you've felt this nervous and suspicious of previous girlfriends as well, consider that the problem might lie with you, and not with the behavior of the girls you are with.
In the end though, if you strongly suspect she is cheating, then there is no point in even finding proof. No relationship without trust is worth being in, or trying to fight for. If there is no trust, then just leave it at that and end things on good terms. No need to sit around and wait for things to get ugly if you already now know you dont trust her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 October 2015):
 I'd cut my losses.
She might not HAVE cheated with him, yet. BUT I do think it's a matter of time before she goes further "above and beyond".
Now bringing him snacks is a nice thing to do, IF it was HER choice to do it, but he is asking her and she is complying, which means she is working HARD on pleasing him, not as her personal trainer, but as a man. "Look at how nice I am, look at me bending over backwards - insert eyelash batter"...
You have only been with her 6 months. If you feel like you can't trust her and feel like she isn't really fully committed to you then WHY waste any more time?
And no, him being black... has nothing to do with this. AT ALL.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (30 October 2015):
I find it peculiar that he might be after your girlfriend but at the same time tells her that he already has another girlfriend and is cheating on her with 3 other women. Maybe he is trying to pretend he is a huge stud that every woman wants.
As for your girlfriend, most women I know would certainly not provide smoked salmon and other goodies to such a lout. And she must be the one who has told you all this or most of it. And she should be doing things that show her devotion to you.
In any case, your life will be better off without them both.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 October 2015):
 I guess the good news is that you've only been dating her for 6 months. And as her physique and energy levels were sadly not what you'd like in that time? Well, at 6 months, you theoretically would be in the honeymoon phase, and as that's not how you both feel at this point, it's a good time to end things.
Time to call it a day. End the relationship and find someone who goes to your gym. You can work out together if that's your interest.
Good luck next time!
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (29 October 2015):
 I think all of your "indicators" suggest that something is going on. Does she, like, jump and buy you smoked salmon?
I'm sure there will be folks here claiming that nothing is happening and perhaps admonish you for snooping in on her conversations. However, nothing that you note sounds crazy and paranoid ... in fact, it sounds like a sane man thinking as to the cause of his girl's unreasonable obsession with a some guy and, therefore, your proper place in this relationship.
She could be enamored, infatuated, have an emotional affair or outright having sex... but all of that is a guessing game. Without evidence it's pointless to debate all this.
So I'd suggest that you take a day or few off during these cold days and gather up some evidence for your self and put this thing to rest. Examine where she actually goes, what does she actually do with the guy... in times that you suspect she could be with that dude ...and be sure you don't confront and she does not see you.
Evidence only will determine what you should do.
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