A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together six months. Last week we talked about having sex for the first time. I asked would I be his first and he didn't answer, he just retorted by asking would he be mine. I said no, I was not a virgin. He then began quizzing me about it, asking questions like who was my first with etc, how many people had I slept with, and I answered honestly, told him I wasn't proud but I can't change it now. (I started having sex at a very young age). So then I said what about you, how many people have you been with and asked him the same questions, and he was really evasive. So I asked when was your first time, and he said things like "I don't know, I don't remember" and " I was probably drunk" then changed the subject. So the next day we decided to have sex, and just before we started he said he was a virgin and that I would be his first. I don't get why he made out he wasn't and didn't just be honest in the first place. Why do guys lie and say they have had sex before when they haven't? I feel like he should have told the truth at the beginning and then I could have planned it to be more special for him.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 April 2016):
 Guys find it embarrassing to be a Virgin because they're supposed to be these macho, alpha males that all females want to have sex with
I'm not going to lie I used to get embarrassed about it when I was younger, I didn't lose mine till I was 19 and it used to play on my mind like crazy wondering why it hadn't happened yet. But now I look back I realise how stupid and childish it was.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 April 2016):
It’s commonly said that guys mature later than girls. Young teenaged girls often lie to each other about either how much sexual experience they have, or how amazing it was. They grow out of it. Now imagine a twenty-something guy has a similar mentality, with the only difference being that he doesn’t lie to sound more cool, but he lies because he thinks girls will be turned off him if they discover the awful truth! It’s silly, and it’s a shame he didn’t trust you. I think you should tell him that you wished he had. He must have put himself under a lot of pressure. Sex is about physical and emotional intimacy but he probably thought you would be expecting a certain standard of performance – a standard you’re not likely to get from a first-timer. The fact that you’re more sexually experienced will have made his insecurity even worse. You’ve got other men to compare him with. This could be a turning point though, now things are out in the open. Give him reassurance, tell him it’s okay and not to put himself under pressure. It’ll probably be much better next time around.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 If I were you I'd talk to him and ask him to be honest. I'd also tell him that you wish he had felt more comfortable telling you the truth so YOU could have made is more special for HIM.
With most things people don't like to admit being inexperienced. With sex, there is a huge double standard where girls are "supposed" to not have sex and guy are "supposed" to have a lot of it. It really is a ridiculous notion that anyone base a person's worth on whether they have had sex or not, and how many partners. But there it is.
I think he just didn't want you to think he was a total noob.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (4 April 2016):
Guys lie about the number of women they've been with for the same exact reason women do, just conversely. They both lie to try to show as high a sexual market value as possible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): Nobody ever calls it an ego issue when a girl understates her number of past sex partners. Why do people only say this about guys?
There is a big social pressure against guys being virgins. Its not as loud & obvious as girls being slut-shamed but its still pretty powerful. The surest way to make a guy seem more attractive in the eyes of a girl is for her to discover other girls wanting him, or find out that he sleeps around a lot.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 April 2016):
 If you are in a longterm committed relationship, then I might suggest that rather than asking the question “Why do guys lie and say they have had sex before when they haven’t?” you might ask, “why did my boyfriend lie?”
You’re assuming that all men will have the same reason for lying about this.
In your boyfriend’s case you’ve provided some clues and context by mentioning your regrets about your past.
I guess what surprises me about your question is the lack of imagination or empathy for your boyfriend’s point of view.
I would have asked you to propose a few options. Well, why would he have lied? You know him best.
If you want to know why ALL men who do what your boyfriend did, then you’re asking a different question, and it’s not to understand him....
There are countless posts here from young men and women who feel the need to lie about their virginity.
I think you don’t know him as well as you think and you aren’t tuned into his feelings and situation as you could be. “We decided to have sex.”
I think you rushed him and he wasn’t really ready. But again, I’m speculating. You are the one who has been with him for 6 months and presumably knows him well enough.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 April 2016):
 Well for most guys, it is an ego things. One on side of the equation we don't want to appear totally inept and on the other side, most guys probably don't want to admit how many women they have slept around with in fear that you'll reject them for having been a "slut" or promiscuous.
There is a certain amount of pride too, especially for guys in their late teens and early twenties to have racked up a lot of early experiences. The fact that he probably hasn't been with a woman yet probably plays a bit on his ego. Many young adults are having sex in their mid to early teens. The fact that he hasn't done it yet probably weighs in on him that you may not find him desirable.
Either way it sounds like he hasn't fessed up whether he has or hasn't yet. So technically he hasn't lied but more or less dodged the question. Before having sex -- especially unprotected sex -- it is important for both partners to be upfront about their risks and previous history.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 Because he was scared that he wasn't good enough for you. He was worried that you would laugh at him.
Guy arn't great at showing their feelings. And sex is quite a big deal for a teen boy.
He didn't mean to lie or insult you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 Because guys watch too much porn and hear too many "bragging" stories about sex and they believe that if you haven't had sex you're not a proper man and that everyone will make fun of you.
Well, the insecure ones think this anyway. The honest and secure ones wont lie. Lying is a shitty thing to do, really. Don't confuse it with "quite nervousness". If he is lying to you about how many he's had sex with, or whether he's had sex or not, then it just proves that he is willing to lie to you, his girlfriend, about anything to save face.
Next you know he is lying about something else. Take this as a red flag. Don't start telling yourself you only wanted the truth so you could make it special for him... He obviously didn't care for anything special. He lied to you. Face this fact and be cautious. I suggest you get to know him better before you share anything intimate with him, liars are the ones who also take nude pictures of you and post online. Just keep an open eye.
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