A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I dated for one year and broke up three months ago. He was an amazing partner and a wonderful person. He was always attentive towards me and I treasured him. We were in love, however later realized that our opposite personalities were not compatible. For example, I’m quite extroverted and he’s very introverted. And we had trouble communicating because I wanted to talk about issues right then and there (I’m direct) whereas he avoids conflict and is sensitive. We acknowledged our differences and tried compromising and making it work but in the end we had a mutual breakup. I cried for weeks after. I felt depressed for the first two months after the breakup. It wasn’t until month #3 that I felt like I was truly moving forward. I joined events and went out with friends. I was happy and no longer hurting. Well three days ago I joined a dating site. I wanted to see what else was out there, but at the same time take things slow and remain true to myself. I ended up exchanging several messages with various men. It’s been a fun, different experience. I went on one date and have a couple other planned. However, coincidentally, I dreamed about my ex-boyfriend all three nights. I never dreamed about him once after our break-up until now. I dreamed about my ex again last evening and woke up feeling slightly depressed. I thought I was moving forward but it feels like I just went backwards. It seems like dating again triggered these awful feelings. I’m surprised and confused this is even happening. And now I can’t help but compare my dates with my ex. We had so much in common and shared the same goals and values. Does this mean anything? If so, what?Am I not over my ex or not ready to date?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 I think you're feeling this way because you have good memories of your ex. You didn't have a nasty break-up; you parted ways because you just realized that things wouldn't work out and you moved on. I think this is the reason you dream about him because so far in your life it was just him and you. Now that you're meeting other men, it's a different life.
Maybe you're still not completely over the ex. Maybe your reasons for breaking up weren't strong enough and you could give it another shot. Look, in a way it's supposed to be a good thing if two people are different from each other because then you bring out the best in each other. For instance if you like going out often and he prefers to stay at home, you could both reach a common ground where you have the best of both. You show him what is like to go out and explore new places while he keeps you rooted.
You described him as an amazing partner and as a wonderful person.. Both qualities that are rare to find. See if you can give it another shot.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 March 2016):
 You are ready to date if you feel like you want to date. Having dreams about your ex just plays into what you wrote yourself, you keep comparing a new man to your ex. Which is only natural and I think it's what you need to keep doing. You don't want to repeat the same mistakes you did last time, so you want to make sure a potential new boyfriend has the good qualities your ex had, but not the poor ones. Or, in other words, has a higher compatibility to you, than your ex had. In order to figure this out you need to compare! And as such, you will have dreams about him.
Just because you haven't erased him from your memory does NOT mean you should be with him, or that you still have feelings for him... It just means you remember him very well and you are (subconsciously or not) comparing any new man with him.
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (25 March 2016):
 Its all completely normal, being a guy I too had recurring dreams about exes and it vividly reminded me of several things about those girls: that I loved them ,that I still care about them , and ultimately why we broke up.
Things are always fun at the past because its familiar and safe, you loved him and you didnt want things to change between you two and obviously even though the break up's mutual you still felt bad about it. But next time you do wake up from another dream about him remember everything even the bad stuff. Remove the graduation goggles!
In my opinion you shouldnt "move on" with break ups but "accept" it. We dont have to forget or replace everyone that leaves us. Yes, you two broke up but check the reasons why. You two were not compatible but that doesnt mean you dont care about him anyless. He's been a part of your life for a year, you dont have to forget anything that you've been through together, you should just accept the fact that you werent mean't to be and all will be at peace. Make sure that you accept yourself and your breakup before moving on to seeing new people.
Good luck!
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