A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm trying to not feel sorry for myself in this question but I'm having problems with my self esteem and I don't know what to do.I was taking a bath earlier and my boyfriend came in to the bathroom and he saw everything. I don't really like my stomach after having an emergency c section, the bottom of it sags a bit and I have stretch marks. Whenever we have sex I like to wear nice underwear and it covers the bottom of my stomach.We watched a movie after I had a bath and there was quite a bit of nudity, I'm not a prude, I don't really get jealous of stuff like that. After the movie I initiated sex but he stopped half way through and said 'I'm sorry I can't'. He put his trousers on and then said he was going home.He's text me saying that he just doesn't want sex with me any more, he went soft because he is over thinking things. I'm really distressed by what he's done and it's kind of destroyed my self esteem.I'm not over weight or anything, I exercise and make sure I try to look my best. It's upsetting me because the problem I have with my stomach is something I can't change. I have a flat stomach it just doesn't look perfect.My question is to men, how do you feel about women who have a stomach like that? Can you get past imperfections? Or am I doomed to always repulse men with how I look!I've been seeing my boyfriend for three years. I have never had to go through some man just stop half way through and basically blame me for him going soft and just leaving. Even if a man isn't all that in to me I've never had anyone do that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): Hi thanks for the responses, I think when it happened I just thought it was all about me being in the bath and I had no time to look all appealing and stuff lol. I got upset because I thought it was just the way I looked being the problem.We've had a huge argument because he text later on being extremely mean and nasty to me but then he finally came out with saying that he was embarrassed and a little bit drunk so he went soft.He's gone soft before but I have never made an issue of it, I know that just saying things will make him paranoid and worry more. So I'm upset that he thinks I'd be that nasty to make an issue out of that.He said he handled everything in the wrong way. He's older than me and I think his testosterone is dropping a bit and it's starting to make him feel bad :( But him being embarrassed is making him be nasty to me in the process and I can't put up with that.He isn't the father of my child and she isn't a baby, I just got all in a funk thinking it was to do with me. I mentioned the film with nudity because he did look like he was a bit turned on by that but then wasn't all that interested in me.He's said that he needs to try and sort out the way he is when he gets upset because he gets a little nasty and keeps storming off.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 This is strange. I am sure he's seen your stomach before -- especially if you've been together for 3 years. I doubt there is anything new here that he hasn't seen before.
There could be a few reasons why he wasn't ready for sex:
1) Perhaps he had masturbated earlier in the day and he wasn't capable of going for round 2
2) Was he emotionally connected? Some guys have a problem having sex when there is something else going on.
3) Maybe he simply wasn't in the mood. Guys can be just as finicky as women when it comes to having sex. While most men can do it on demand (and want it that way) there are some that can't.
4) His mojo wasn't there that night. For whatever reason, a guy just doesn't have it -- drugs, booze, or just tiredness could be a culprit.
Again, I find it hardly surprisingly that he hasn't seen your stomach before and knows what is there. If you were in the first month of your relationship, I'd think, yeah, you probably have a point but personally I think the mood -- for him -- wasn't there.
When things calm down and there's less emotion in it, I suggest talking to him and ask if there was something that you were doing wrong. And listen to what he says.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 I don't get why you think this is about your stomach. He said he was overthinking things? That's man-talk for: I don't know if I want a relationship with you any longer. And that NEVER happens because of how a woman looks, or these small imperfections as you mention. That's the result of something else, such as incompatibility, but usually plain old fighting.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (3 April 2016):
 I'm assuming that in the past 3 years that you've been seeing him you had sex with him therefore whatever things he is overthinking, my hunch is that none have to do with your stomach, especially if he was hard before but now went limp.To go penis limp in the middle of romance can be for variety of reasons: too much alcohol or drugs, being too tired, bloated stomach, he may have masturbated before he came over, an ongoing mental drama about his place with you... So, if he was eager to have sex with you before, with that same stomach, and now does not want to, I doubt it's the stomach. Best way is to ask him why he can't have sex with you, what triggered it etc instead of assume that the cause is some physical imperfection that you think maybe the cause.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (3 April 2016):
Hi. How long have you been together? Has he seen you naked before? I have a babies belly and I've had mixed experience. When I was younger I was with a guy that found it off putting, but that was in my twenties. Through my thirties and forties now, I have had no such experiences, with guys not caring at all! Os there more to this? How is your relationship generally?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 I don't think he went soft because of your stomach. I've had an emergency C section too and no one did that to me, and no one focused on my stomach. I assume the baby is his too, but you are not married and living together. Your sex life can be linked to the well being of your relationship too. It could mean he's not interested in being your boyfriend anymore. He didn't even want to stay the night. Some men are feel you are now the mother and not the sexual figure anymore. Some are grossed out that, the baby popped out of the vagina and now it's the same place the penis goes in? But you had a C section and your vagina is supposed to feel like you've never given birth. He went soft because sex, supposedly to be carefree and spontaneous, resulted in a baby that he doesn't take care of full time. He's more turned off by this fact than by your stomach. When a man is not committed to you, he would just up and leave. Now it's time to stop worrying about your body but your relationship and the baby. He has trouble grasping the idea that he is the father (if he is). I know that it's getting common now that people have children but still not getting married. I still feel like you are supposed to be a happy family now, with him changing the diapers and feeing the baby in the middle of the night, not you trying to please him sexually and feel desirable.
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