A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, some advice on dealing with older colleagues that can be quite vicious. So I'm a newly qualified nurse who has recently got a job on a large ward with a lot of staff. I'm young at only 23 and I think a lot of people have sly digs at me because of my age and because I'm the newbie.Before I qualified as a nurse I was a qualified make up artist working for a large make up company and free lancing on the side. I enjoy helping to make people feel confident and beautiful, beauty is my passion and almost release from the stress of my nursing career. I don't believe that I am hurting anyone doing this, I will still do maybe 6-10 peoples make up for various occasions a month and I don't plan on giving that up. I have two loves in life, my nursing career and make up. Worlds apart but both equally enjoyable. My new job however older women there seem to have a problem with the fact that I upload photos of make up and that I like to do my hair and make up for evenings out etc. I've faced some nasty comments regarding the picture uploading so I've completely stopped that on my main account and only use a private account that nobody from work can see. Recently on shift an older women came up to my out of the blue and told me that my make up looked yellow, said I was a different colour to my body, said I wore to much make up and would regret it when I was older and then proceeded to say 'do you think your pretty?' . I was gobsmacked, she then said don't answer that you wouldn't upload pictures of your self if you didn't think you were pretty. She then must of realised how nasty she sounded and she finished it off by saying 'you don't need to be insecure your beautiful'. I was really hurt. I don’t wear much make up to work (some foundation and mascara) as I have to get up at 5am and I leave the house within 20 minutes. Even if I did I don’t think It’s her place to comment and put somebody down. I asked another younger member of staff whether my make up looked a different colour or if It was not matching and she said 'no you look the same as you always do'. My job involves colour matching make up and I always wear the same product so I'm not sure how I suddenly looked yellow. It really hurt me and I think it was totally out of order. I would never dream of saying anything like that to another person, whether I believed there make up didn't match or not. It's hurtful and vicious and quite frankly other people's style is nothing to do with me, we are all individuals with different likes and dislikes. I then checked my Facebook to see whether I was friends with this women and I'm not so I don't know how she is seeing these photos of make up unless she has been snooping. I will upload a selfie if I have made a particular effort with make up/hair/dress for an occasion but what 23 year old doesn't these days? I'm friends with numerous people from work who take pictures of themselves from there profiles so why am I any different. Also when I looked to see if I was friends with this particular women her profile picture is picture she has taken of herself. I don't know what to do. Because I'm new I don't want to rock the boat and tell a senior member of staff but I don't think I deserve people commenting on my appearance and hobbies outside of work either. I have had lots of people compliment my make up and have actually done four people's make ups for occasions outside of work. It's a really mixed response. I'm just getting a bit fed up of people thinking that because I'm young they can say hurtful things and get away with it.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 Crappy ladies! Well, its unfortunately not news at all that too many women stacked up together in the workplace creates a nasty atmosphere. I've been in your shoes, working with ONLY women, and I left that job for this reason. They just couldn't seem to stop bitching about each other and me, talking trash behind peoples backs etc.
Oh, trust me, you are not the only one who gets an earful of this crap! The women who talk to you this way only do it because someone talked to them that way, and it becomes the culture of the place where you work. The only thing that can stop it, as far as Ive experienced, and what my friends have experienced (having friends who went through this as well), was to take the bull by its horns or leave the job.
No point at all in sitting quiet and just taking it. You either raise hell, or you leave. That's the only way to make it stop. A friend of mine only got the bitching to stop when she confronted the main bitch and slammed her fist into the table in front of her and gave her a solid piece of her mind.
If you haven't built up the anger for such an approach yet though, I would advise you to write these episodes down and talk to your manager. They will probably just write it off as no big business, but at least then you have raised awareness and made a point out of not letting it go quietly.
Or rehearse the phrase "How dare you say that to me, do you not have any shame" so that you can say it next time someone comments on your looks. Added with a "how would you feel if I started commenting about the way you look and make a point out of it? You wouldn't like it at all, and if you don't stop it then I will start giving you in return what you give to me"
Trust me, you don't need to say much for them to drop their holding and get a shock.
You would probably have to rattle the cage pretty hard for all the shit to drop out though. So good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2016): It is jealousy. They don't want to be reminded of what they are not. You need to think of a really good verbal response to them. That puts them in their place and shames them into silence. I thought of "I think Beauty comes from within. The kind things we do for people on this ward for example not the spiteful comments people think they're entitled to make about appearance". Their comments are ugly. Once you point that out to them in a clever way they will think twice about saying it.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (24 March 2016):
Personally I think the best course of action is to laugh it off. "Yellow? Dang, I was going for more of an orange tone today. Oh well, back to the old drawing board". Then laugh and walk away. That leaves her with nothing to say.
Sadly, many women never outgrow the need to be catty and competitive and put down other women. You will continue to encounter this throughout your life. Especially if you are younger and pretty. Best thing to do is to rise above it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 March 2016):
 Telling a senior staff might not even do anything good for you. She made a rude comment about your make up, that isn't harassment, that is petty jealousy.
IGNORE the digs. WHO cares what those old bats think of your make up? I do think keeping your selfies and make up related pictures to your private social media and not one that is linked to work. Because like you said it's two different worlds and two different things.
Keep enjoying your make-up side gig.
As for calling you yellow looking, I'd shrug it off.
I think you NEED to start getting a bit thicker hide. And let whatever comments roll of your back.
JUST do your work, be professional and let THEM squabble like petty jealous children. When they figure out you don't give a shit about their opinions they will stop.
Unfortunately in some jobs the "hew kid" (no matter the age) get put through the wringer.
Be fearless and stop giving a shit what they think. Seriously.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (24 March 2016):
When someone says something to you, the answer is..."Did I ask you to comment on my looks, or anything about me? If I need to know, I will tell you what you must say. Other than that, live your life and I will live mine. Misery loves company...and I will not be your company."
Always remember...If they don't pay your bills, provide your food, and you don't need them for anything in your life...why do you care what they have to say???
People who care about other people's lives before their own, are sad indeed. They cannot do what you do, so they complain and judge.
It's like men in a bar yelling at the TV because their team is losing...yet not one of them can play that sport better than the people playing it...so they complain. :))))
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