My timing has always been off. I think my married friend has feelings for me. How can I best handle this situation?
Q. I find myself in love with someone who is married. he and I have known each other for 15 years and I felt something the first time I met him, but I was engaged. When I got separated he had just gotten married....and so on...timing is awful. I wa...
A. 11 August 2012: Is the man you are currently with nice enough to deserve a loving relationship with a woman who loves him? If the answer is yes, you need to leave and give him the chance of being loved, its only fair.
If that then leaves you free to pursue a... (read in full...)
We broke up but are still FWB. So why was he so outraged at the thought of me dating others?
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I have not been in a relationship together for about two months, but we continued to sleep together and hang out. Technically since I’m single I thought it was ok to sleep with other people. I mentioned it to him and he was furi...
A. 11 August 2012: Why are you still having sex with him if you have broken up? Why do you care if he forgives you or not?
Is the half assed relationship you currently have with him enough for you?
Do you want something better in your life than this?
Why don't you... (read in full...)
I love being a step mom, but we're having trouble with my partner's ex. Advice needed!
Q. My partner and I are engaged to be married next year, I have a daughter from a previous relationship and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. The children have really bonded and we are happy as a family, the problem is his ex. When the ...
A. 11 August 2012: Your update had not been updated when I posted my response.
How do you know how this child's mother treats the new partner, how do you know this child is not being encouraged to bond with her new sibling. Have you been in the house and witnesse... (read in full...)
I asked her out in 2010. She refused. Since then she will not speak to me. Is it now time to confront her on her Ostracism of me?
Q. My friend stopped talking to me after she rejected me, I'm not sure what to do My friend said no when I asked her out. It makes sense that she stopped talking to me too. I guess I expected it when it happened, but that was December 2010. I mean I d...
A. 11 August 2012: Her looking away has become a habit she may need some help breaking. Dont invade her personal space but when you see her, without making it too obvious, greet her, say hello and leave it at that. It might take a few attempts, and she might never ... (read in full...)
Issues between the co-worker and I. So how do I avoid attending her birthday lunch being organised?
Q. My co-worker and I been working in the same dept. for a long time. We get along ok all these years and I consider her a friend at work. Few months ago, she made a "very offensive" comment about me to other colleague. I was very upset and offend...
A. 11 August 2012: You have three choices, either suck it up and go along for lunch pretending all is hunky dory or secondly, you can front up to the friend and tell her you are not comfortable going for lunch, or you can approach the one who made the offensive ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend looked at porn because I talked to ex, will he keep doing it?
Q. Hello everyone. I need some advice. Yesterday, I came home and there was a light blinking on my boyfriend and I's antivirus thing. I thought it was no biggie, so I continued watching my show on Netflix. Finally, I got annoyed, and clicked on i...
A. 11 August 2012: Personally I also see it as a form of cheating, but that is a very personal opinion. If you feel that it is a form of cheating you need to let him know that, and then the two of you can discuss and either agree to disagree or come to some sort of ... (read in full...)
It's been thirty years since I have seen him in person! why does he want to meet up so bad?
Q. I had a hugh crush on this guy in high school, I mean three years of high school. He was the one for me only I made the mistake (as most young girls do) by telling my friends. Soon it was all over. He knew but never said anything to me about it. I ...
A. 11 August 2012: If nobody has ever seen any evidence of his girlfriend how can you be sure she exists? He may simply have the gift of the gab and the ability to fabricate a good story into better.
I would be wary, he may simply have run out of women willing ... (read in full...)
I scared off my partners friend's while they were visiting now my partners mad at me! what should I do?
Q. Dear All, My partner and I have been together a year and live in the UK together. Our flat is seriously tiny, with only one bedroom, but he invited three of his friends to stay with us for a week when they came from Brazil, his home country. ...
A. 11 August 2012: No smoking in the house is a reasonable request. Shoes off in the house, not so common but if it is a tiny space, an acceptable request, especially if he explained to them before they arrived .....
Excitement of seeing friends for the first ti... (read in full...)
Boyfriend looked at porn because I talked to ex, will he keep doing it?
Q. Hello everyone. I need some advice. Yesterday, I came home and there was a light blinking on my boyfriend and I's antivirus thing. I thought it was no biggie, so I continued watching my show on Netflix. Finally, I got annoyed, and clicked on i...
A. 11 August 2012: PHHT at him trying to use your seeing your ex as an excuse for his behaviour, what was his excuse when he was using masturbating to porn as a destresser prior to meeting you?
You have two issues here, his masturbating to porn, which you need to ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my mother that I miscarried?
Q. I miss-carried at 8 weeks but lied to my mother who doesn't care enough to make sure i have prenatal care. I'm naturally heavier than most females my age(17)so it has been easy to play it off. Now at this moment I'm supposed to be 35 weeks pregnant ...
A. 11 August 2012: she's buying baby clothes, that suggests to me she does care. Your hormones are still all out of whack, which could be influencing your feelings about your mother. Bite the bullet and tell her you miscarried, if you haven't sought a medical ... (read in full...)
I love being a step mom, but we're having trouble with my partner's ex. Advice needed!
Q. My partner and I are engaged to be married next year, I have a daughter from a previous relationship and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. The children have really bonded and we are happy as a family, the problem is his ex. When the ...
A. 11 August 2012: Unless the child's mother is endangering her there is no way custody would be given to you and her father, who has not been a constant in her life since she was born.
I get the picture you have painted for us, new love, new happy families... (read in full...)
Am I mean? Should I share more of my money with my girlfriend?
Q. I am 32, my girlfriend of four years is 27. I have a degree and believe in hard work and applying myself to achieve my goals and live well. My gf is not financially motivated and does not want to progress at work, she just wants to get by which is ...
A. 9 August 2012: I find it interesting that her friends and family are crass enough to come straight out and tell you that you are mean and should share your money ..... or is she telling you her friends and family say this?
Either way, regardless of not planning... (read in full...)
He makes me feel like shit but some days I feel as if I want him back, What should I do?
Q. Me and my now ex boyfriend stuart broke up a month ago. We were together for almost 6 months I really was in love with him and still am. We said that we would be friends but I feel he is making it really difficult for me to be friends with him. I ...
A. 9 August 2012: Stuart is an arsehat. Just remind yourself of that each time you feel like wanting him back. As for babysitting, you don't HAVE to babysit his brother, tell his parents you are unavailable.
You need to give yourself several good talkings... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isnt talking to me any more.
Q. Hi. I have internet boyfriend troubles. I know all of you will go 'Not again!' but just listen to me. So once I downloaded this app and I met this guy. He is very sweet and we have a lot in common. My friend decided to see what the fuss was abou...
A. 9 August 2012: Chick, it sounds like he didn't have a long attention span and when you friend put the new shiny thing (her and skype) in front of him that was that! His`attention has been diverted.
As for your friend, she liked what you had and took the oppoturn... (read in full...)
Need help in personal finance- straight out of college guy
Q. Hello All, This is not a question on love/sex etc but I am posting here anyway because I have been getting really good answers from the Dear Cupid community. This is a question on personal finance. I am a 25 year old guy who just graduated ...
A. 6 August 2012: Along with the suggestions from Charlies, I suggest you do some online research, search debt free living, you should come up with some interesting strategies for planning for your long term future.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
I want to cause upset but it's not in my nature! what should I do?
Q. OK I've a dilema here that I need some advice on because i'm on the brink of doing something I may well regret. About 10 months ago I found out my now ex, who I had lived with and we had both talked about marriage etc had been texting/flirting...
A. 6 August 2012: No, remember all the old movies with the tyrant king/queen/leader .... the bearer of bad news always lost his life.
You've also already been rewarded, she is out of your life, lucky you, unlucky other bloke, and you have escaped relative... (read in full...)
Why a year later am I the chosen one? We broke up. But since then we have had sex.
Q. I'm in love with my ex after I broke up with him for cheating. we have not been together in a year. we had sex he didn't call or text after that and he has a big ego, so he won't say how it was or say he misses me I didn't text or call him eit...
A. 5 August 2012: He wanted sex you were there, he doesn't care that's why there was no text or call afterwards.
... (read in full...)
I can't stand being around him!
Q. I have been dreading posting this question because I know all the negative responses I will get. I know I am by no means a perfect person but I don't think I am awful either. I have a problem with with my husband's friends. Or any previous boy...
A. 5 August 2012: You know your way of thinking and trying to control your husband is wrong, that is why you included the rider in your question that you did not want any negative comments.
You say you know it is 'normal' for people to want to see their friends,... (read in full...)
My sisters new family is telling my parents how to raise her?
Q. Hi, I really need some help. My sister moved out of our house almost a month ago. She is 16. She now lives with her best friend and her friends parents. A few days ago, my sister met with my parents and got into a huge fight. The reason for this ...
A. 4 August 2012: Can the other people be charged with kidnapping? Just a thought.
Suggest to your parents they write a letter to the other parents. Sometime along the lines of please return our child within seven days. If our child is not returned we will see... (read in full...)
Should I move to my sons fathers town or stay here? I need to do what's best for my son!
Q. hi all, i'll try and keep this short.. I am in a long distance relationship with my baby (19 months)s father. We've been together for nearly 3 yrs. Lately we've been talking about the future, and the plan we made when jacob was born was he'd finish ...
A. 4 August 2012: He said you are being unreasonable and rigid AFTER he chose not to follow through on original plans?
HA! Turn his words back on him, remind him you and the baby are settled in the flat you both agreed you would get.
You are doing the right ... (read in full...)
We started talking of marriage, he said it was quite premature and I haven't seen him now for two months!
Q. Dating a guy for 10 months. Marriagehas been mentioned. Start talking about things suggestive of in laws and he says things are still 'quite premature' ??? Haven't physically seen/ met up with him for about two months now due to busy schedules. ...
A. 4 August 2012: It isn't looking good is it? However, if during the past 2 months there has still be almost every day contact via phones, emails or even texts it could be the work schedules are playing havoc with his social life, but if the contact has been ... (read in full...)
I had no time for her, 8 months ago she told me to go to hell, has she got someone else?
Q. I dated a my girlfriend for good three years after i had my national diploma in shipping management by then she just gain her addmision into university while i was busy with my new job in a finance bank i was so busy i no have usual time for her not ...
A. 4 August 2012: You say you had no time for her anymore, and you say you broke your word about meeting her on Vallentine's Day. I think she had enough of not being important to you, she had enough of you not having any time, and so she broke off the relationship ... (read in full...)
Why does he hate me?
Q. Well a guy I've loved for two years keeps being horrible to me and he blocked me on facebook and he said its because I spoke to him to much. Then my friends mum tried to talk him round. It didn't work as such but he still spoke to me but when he did ...
A. 3 August 2012: Its a shame your mum spoke to the boy rather than speaking to you about not always getting what you want.
You say you love this boy, not true, you have stalked him, phoned him, written him letters, each time he tells you he is not interest... (read in full...)
Supposed to be met at airport by my LDR but he has stopped communicating!
Q. Dear Cupid i with LDR with my bf for the past few months. We were planning to meet and as per our decision i have booked my flight tickets and i am leaving today afternoon. He is avoiding for past 2 days, not picking up my calls, even if he ...
A. 3 August 2012: I woudl also be very conserned in your place. Try to talk to him one more time, if he is non committal again cancel your trip.
If he does speak with you be very firm in insisting he tell you where he is meeting you and at what time. ... (read in full...)
I love her but our attitudes to our children differ. She resents the time I spend with my sons. Can we make this relationship work?
Q. I have this dilemma. I think I know the answer, I think I know what's right. But, damn. I really need some some brutal honesty. I have been dating this 45 year old woman for over 18 months. She has 3 boys, I have 2 boys. Started as long distance...
A. 2 August 2012: whatevahh ....
how many times do you intend writing in to this forum with no intention of taking any of the advice given. This is what, the third or fourth time you have written in about this woman, her children and your children.
Either you li... (read in full...)
He left to do drugs while I was making him dinner. Am I wrong for being mad?
Q. Okay so today I was hanging out with my boyfriend like normal, (we usually hang everyday) and hes a sweet heart. I really like him and maybe love him. But see the thing is he smokes weed, I don't really care about that but while I was making him ...
A. 2 August 2012: Well, you have certainly been shown where you fall on his list of priorities, and it aint anywhere near the top of the list. Yeah sure he texted "hey baby" and says he loves you but as they say, actions speak louder than words, and while he may ... (read in full...)
How can I leave her slowly so she doesn't feel she's done something wrong!
Q. Hey guys... I ll come straight to point ... I have a girlfriend... She is beautifuk classy hot n everything dat i wabted ... One thing i wnted most is her virginity... But she s wasnt ... She had a asshole first bf ... So i still love her so much ...
A. 2 August 2012: Hmmm, so - if you wanted her virginity did you get it before you decided to break up with her?
... (read in full...)
How can I forgive him for hurting me this way?
Q. Two months ago I started sleeping with a very good friend of mine. He had just broken up it his ex a few months before. Their relationship has always been on again off again for the past seven years. She is always trash talking about him to ...
A. 1 August 2012: I really feel you may need to accept some of the responsibility for your feelings here, he is only acting as he always has in his on and off again relationship with his girlfriend, the only thing he did different was to sleep with you during one of ... (read in full...)
He ignores me when we talk on webcam, am I expecting to much?
Q. Hello Aunts, im in a LDR situation. for about a one year now. but we known each other for two years. we met in singapore when he had a vacation.. so he lived 2760.56 miles apart. we talked on phone eveyday and skype. last night when we video ca...
A. 31 July 2012: Maybe you need to turn off your web cam and go outside where you might meet people who are more interested in talking with you than watching TV or You Tube.
His behaviour is rude and impolite. If he doesn't want to talk to you he should, ... (read in full...)
Dad will disinherit me if I marry my guy. Is my Dad just being paranoid about my Fiance? Or does he have a point?
Q. Hi! Last night I told my estranged father I'm getting married in the Fall. He threw a fit and said if I do he will disinherit me and we won't talk anymore. When I asked him why he said that if we got divorced I'd have to support him financially ...
A. 31 July 2012: Your fiance's mother is correct. Let your father know if it comes to a choice between marrying the man you love or your father's money when he is dead you'll take the marriage and he can do whatever he wants with his money.
Don't cut yourself... (read in full...)
How did you pick you wedding bands?
Q. Hi! This is a very shallow question but here it is. So, I'm getting married soon. Fiancé and I are going to pick up wedding bands this weekend. We both agreed we like them platinum, but I think I'd rather have it gold, you know, real yellow gold ...
A. 31 July 2012: When I was married gold was the tradition, and the only variation really available was 'white gold'.
Its your wedding ring, if you would prefer a gold one, discuss it with your future husband, there is no reason why you can't have gold and him ... (read in full...)
In order to be with him I've been lying to my family.
Q. hi im 18 and my boyfriend is 35. i have not.told.my.parents yet as they do not like the idea of age diffrrences when.it comes to relationships. ive never been with an.older man before so when my parents found out for the first time they freake...
A. 31 July 2012: I can understand your parent's concern. You say your boyfriend is of a different race, is he Australian born or did he immigrate to Australia as a child, or as an adult, or are your parents of a different race to the majority of Australians?
... (read in full...)
Does he still want this to continue?
Q. Hi Aunts. This is about a married man i have been seeing for about 7yrs, No judgements please,but i would like you insight on this He knows that i love him but he will only say to me,you know my situation,I can't give you more than i do,but obvious...
A. 31 July 2012: Is that all you want, the crumbs from somebody else's table. Are a few texts throughout the day and a couple of sessions of jig-a-jig when he can get away from the missus sufficient to keep you happy?
BUT, and it is a big BUT, but if you were ask... (read in full...)
Please help me with this crazy relationship..
Q. So I'm dating a guy and he is so wonderful and sweet and i love him so much! well at least sometimes he is wonderful.. He suffers from ocd, depression and i don't know what else. he also lies about stupid little things for no reason sometimes big ...
A. 30 July 2012: How old is your boyfriend, if he is only 17 or so my answer will be different if he is 18 or 19 or even older.... (read in full...)
How do I pull her up on her behaviour without hurting her feelings?
Q. My parents have been on rocky waters for the past few years. They married young and have found it hard to keep the passion a live. They have been separated for a couple of years but hadn't verified it exactly. They still live in the same house. ...
A. 30 July 2012: You say your mother is acting like a rebellious adolecent. I say you are acting like a spoilt brat!
*whine* I dont like him coming because I live so far away ITS MINE!
*whine* she wont talk to me because I wont accept HIM
*whine* they sh... (read in full...)
I am scared because my online friend says he is coming to take me back to the States!
Q. Dear Aunts, What am I supposed to do when my boyfriend of 3 years whom I met online decided to come meet me, when everyone in my family thinks that I shouldn't be with him. He is someone that I met on facebook. Although we don't meet on a regula...
A. 30 July 2012: You are not stuck, you tell him you are not making any plans to go to the States at this stage, with him or without him.
Tell him you are not making any plans for marriage or other at this stage.
If he says "I spent $600" you tell him that wa... (read in full...)
I am scared because my online friend says he is coming to take me back to the States!
Q. Dear Aunts, What am I supposed to do when my boyfriend of 3 years whom I met online decided to come meet me, when everyone in my family thinks that I shouldn't be with him. He is someone that I met on facebook. Although we don't meet on a regula...
A. 29 July 2012: Big deep breath. He cannot just whisk you up and take you back to the States with him!
Tell him he cannot make plans for a trip without DISCUSSING it with you, tell him you are uneasy as he is making plans without talking to you first.
If you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never shows me off...
Q. my boyfriend never shows me off, the majority of people probably think hes single. his parents met me, know who i am, yet he acts single. whenever i say 'i love you' or somthin on his facebook wall, he doesnt comment, he acts like im a stalker girl. ...
A. 29 July 2012: If you have been complaining for a year and no changes have been made it may be time to consider nothing will change and you either have to accept it, or walk.
If you have discussed the issues, rather than you just complaining, then it probably... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't believe that I love him
Q. My boyfriend/sweetheart keeps saying things like "Don't say you love me when you don't mean it. You don't love me" he decides my feelings for me, and yet he tells me he loves me. I love him with every fiber of my entire being, but I don't know what ...
A. 29 July 2012: By negating your words he is disrespecting you, he is telling you your words are worth zip.
Ask him what he hopes to achieve by denying you your words and your feelings?
Tell him he doesn't know what thoughts are in your head, what knowl... (read in full...)
My feelings for him are strong. His actions indicate he doesn't care. What should I do?
Q. I know i need to split up with my boyfriend, he is constantly out with his friends even though he has no job. We have a child together and when he is out im stuck in the house myself with no one to speak to, it has gotten so bad that it has driv...
A. 29 July 2012: Listen to the voice inside, you know what you need to do. As for dropping your daughter off, why is this, why can't he pick her up? Better still arrange for him to visit her somewhere else, either your mother's or his mothers.
Stop being hi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spends too much time helping another woman through her separation
Q. Hi. I could really use your advice to help me determine if I am over reacting in this situation. I have a boyfriend. We have been dating for about five months so the relationship is very new. But I am having a problem with his attention on a f...
A. 29 July 2012: Woops, hit enter in error.
If the above is not your style, then tell him straight out you are not prepared to be in a relationship where you only have 25% of the attention of the other person, that you feel you are being pushed aside, that you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spends too much time helping another woman through her separation
Q. Hi. I could really use your advice to help me determine if I am over reacting in this situation. I have a boyfriend. We have been dating for about five months so the relationship is very new. But I am having a problem with his attention on a f...
A. 29 July 2012: You are right to be concerned, I have seen this happen before.
Her appeal to him is that she makes him feel like a big strong broad shouldered man every time she whimpers "oh poor me".
I honestly don't think he has you on hold until she i... (read in full...)
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