A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Two months ago I started sleeping with a very good friend of mine. He had just broken up it his ex a few months before. Their relationship has always been on again off again for the past seven years. She is always trash talking about him to everybody. And is generally an untrustworthy person. But he loves her.....I had to break it off because he isn't over her. In fact he told me he wants to try and make things right with her and keeps calling her his partner to everyone. I am all hurt over this. I feel used. Haven't cried this much over a guy in a long time. He's gonna go back to her and that whole vicious cycle is going to start over for them. He is a really good guy in a lot of ways, yet how can I forgive him for hurting me this way?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Well, you knew his situation with his girlfriend, and the history between them, yet you chose to sleep with him (evidently more than once).
Why? did he ask you to, or did you have some thought that maybe this time YOU could become his girlfriend? If so, the prospect wasn't too good, was it?
I wouldn't even THINK about forgiving him for hurting you. Rather, think about forgiving YOURSELF for an unwise choice and then move on with your life. It would be extremely difficult to remain "friends" after what has happened between you and him - and why would you even want to, anyway?
Sorry, I know it is all very upsetting for you......
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 August 2012):
Well, you knew his situation with his girlfriend, and the history between them, yet you chose to sleep with him (evidently more than once).
Why? did he ask you to, or did you have some thought that maybe this time YOU could become his girlfriend? If so, the prospect wasn't too good, was it?
I wouldn't even THINK about forgiving him for hurting you. Rather, think about forgiving YOURSELF for an unwise choice and then move on with your life. It would be extremely difficult to remain "friends" after what has happened between you and him - and why would you even want to, anyway?
Sorry, I know it is all very upsetting for you......
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 I really feel you may need to accept some of the responsibility for your feelings here, he is only acting as he always has in his on and off again relationship with his girlfriend, the only thing he did different was to sleep with you during one of the off moments.
He has been himself and acted true to form, he will go back to her, or somebody like her, and yes, the cycle will start again.
If you need to forgive somebody, forgive yourself, forgive yourself for failing to recognise regardless of what was happening in his relationship for the past seven years that woman is the one he considers his partner. Be honest with yourself, you never stood a chance, accept this, and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): Unless at some point he's done this after telling you he wants you, and is never going back to her, then I don't think there is anything to forgive.
You knew it was an "on/off" relationship between them, and he could go back to her at anytime.
What it appears to have been is just comfort sex (for him) but maybe you have taken it past the casual stage and into the emotional stage with him.
The only two options I could suggest, is you either stick this out and be there for him as a good friend when he needs you, and keep it casual. Or break contact with him if emotions are becoming a problem.
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