A
male
age
41-50,
*IB
writes:OK I've a dilema here that I need some advice on because i'm on the brink of doing something I may well regret.About 10 months ago I found out my now ex, who I had lived with and we had both talked about marriage etc had been texting/flirting with some guy she was working with she swore it would stop I believed her. A short while later I found out it was still going on and I wasn't happy she swore nothing had happened etc but she ended it and promised she hadn't cheated. I couldn't trust her but I let it go. Later I find out she had been cheating and that she'd done it to the boyfriend she had before me and her ex-husband and had a FWB that she had been seeing for years! I was pretty angry but did nothing except tell her to not contact me again.So I've not heard from her just about got over it but I heard the other day she's getting married to the guy and that they had got engaged about a week after splitting with me. I'm also told she's lied her ass off to the guy about all sorts, that the guy didn't know bout me at the time and still dosen't. I genuinely despise this woman, (and she is a grown up who attends church and puts herself about as some moral upstanding member of the community) and to be honest have the strong inclination to contact the guy spill the beans about everything, tell her fanily who are genuinely nice people and generally cause her as much upset as I can but should I do it? part of me says I should for the other guy as well as me?I think it'd make me feel better but generally its not in my nature to want to hurt others dont know why the urge is so strong in this case!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): You sound like a decent guy and if you're nature really isn't hurting people, then trying to hurt her this way would only produce more negativity for you. I was also in the same position as you two years ago. I did the same thing you're contemplating. I ratted her out to her lover and the only thing I got in return were angry words and a still broken heart. Her borfriend didn't give a f*ck about my "story" and he said that I should just get over myself and move on. I guess my "story" did eat away at his mind as they later broke up. Still, I felt no satisfication knowing that I had sunken to her level. That move didn't bring her back to me and it didn't make me feel any better in the long run. The only thing it did was chase her further away and make me feel childish. It took me a long time to forget her. It made the recovery even worse knowing that I showed a very detestable and scumbag side of me to her. The worst part? She's most likely with a new person, doing the same thing she's been doing and laughing it up. You see? I may have ruined her relationship with that guy, but it was only an inconveniance to her. A bump in the road. She'll keep doing what she wants regardless of who tries to get in her way.My best advice; forget about her. Live your life to the fullest and move on. You'll feel like a better person for it. What can you really accomplish in giving in to the temptation of revenge? I know how inviting and luring it can be when you're the one with the "power" to break another person. And like you said earlier, this is the moment that decides whether or not it is your nature to callously hurt others. I don't mean to sound like a fortune cookie but. . ."It's harder to do the right thing, it's easier to give in to the wrong. This is what separates the MEN from the BOYS"
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): Let the guy find out on his own. Her getting engaged to him a week after you two split told every one else know she's a loose cannon.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): revenge is best served cold!!! she ripped your world apart then left and set up happy homes with the guy she was cheating on you with! Basically while you were at one of your lowest points she was probably laughing away in another mans arms. Now youve got yourself together and are moving show the world what she is!!
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A
male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (6 August 2012):
 I would have to agree with BondGirl72. If your were really done with her then you wouldn't need to know these sort of things about her. I KNOW my ex is a cheater. I KNOW she's doing the same thing to her current boyfriend that she was doing to me. I know this because she and my cousin still talk to eachother.
I promptly told my cousin that I didn't care and didn't want to know anything else about her. I'm moving on. The point is that if you really want to move on, you wouldn't feel tempted to turn her world upside down. You say that it's also for the sake of the other guy but I apologize if I call bullsh*t on this escuse. Even if you did manage to save this guy from her, you wouldn't save the rest of the others lining up to meet her. You want to do this for an inner satisfaction of payback. I know how it feels. I've been down that path.
Let it go. The world has a way of giving people what they truly deserves. It been seven months since I've last heard of my ex but I honestly don't care where she is right now. I feel like a better person when I wished her the best in life and then I moved on with mines. There's no better feeling than knowing you acted like the grown-up in the relationship. I have no regrets about how it ended.
You should just thank the heavens you were able to catch her when you did and not when you two had kids together. Her next man will find her out. You shouldn't have anything to do with that. Let the world take care of her. The only downside is that the world won't send you a telegram when the job is done, lol. I'll admit, the first month after we broke up, I was praying it did.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 August 2012):
 No, remember all the old movies with the tyrant king/queen/leader .... the bearer of bad news always lost his life.
You've also already been rewarded, she is out of your life, lucky you, unlucky other bloke, and you have escaped relatively unscathed, ie you didn't marry her or have children with her, which would have tied you to her for the rest of their lives, or longer if there were grandchildren.
So take a deep breath, remind yourself you are the lucky one here, and move on with your life. There is nothing left for you here.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (6 August 2012):
 So what is your question? You are not going to get permission here to ruin someone else's life. If you despise this woman and lies as much as you say, you should feel content in knowing that no relationship she has will be able to stand the test of time. Also, if you were really done with her, you would be getting on with your own life instead of constantly getting the scoop about hers. Who cares what she told the other guy and what she tells other people? Move on.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 August 2012):
 She is engaged only one week after you split up? That's just insane. Their marriage will fall apart without your involvement. The guy is a fool and he will be to blame too if he's too blind to see through her charms and marry her. When you think outside of yourself, you will realize people are hurting each other because they had been hurt before and want revenge. Someone has got to stop this cycle and that person has got to be you. Karma has a way of coming back to you. The power of a person's fate does not lie in your hands. You are in control of your life only. What you should do is realize you chose the wrong woman, dust yourself off. She is not worth your time thinking about her.
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