A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been seeing prostitutes for 15 years. It started off out of boredom. I have always had a strong sexual appetite, I started masturbating from a young age. Every time I use a prostitute I beat myself up about it. At first I had protected sex, now I don't have intercourse but have unprotected oral sex and even when the woman doesn't want to I insist on unprotected oral sex. My wife found out because I caught herpies. I vowed never to do it again but a year after she found out I've probably been with 50 prostitutes. I had an HIV test and it was negative, but although I thought it was a turning point I still continue. I have probably spent about 30,000 pounds on this habit. I need help.
View related questions:
hiv , oral sex, prostitute Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 STD's can fix your addiction. Why don't you just watch a little porn, and then please yourself. No dangers there
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Everyone else is going to talk about your sex addiction, and their advice is good. My advice is supplementary, but nevertheless, extremely important to your case.
Check this out:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/aug/19/jail-herpes-sexually-transmitted-infection
You can be held criminally liable for knowingly spreading Herpes without disclosure of the disease. That means that every prostitute you've slept with, especially the ones you've insisted on unprotected sexual contact with makes you criminally and civilly liable. Don't think for a second that you're in the clear because she's a prostitute.
You exposed your wife to disease. You're exposing everyone you touch sexually now.
Is your addiction so strong that you can knowingly spread diseases, insisting on unprotected contact knowing you're exposing them?? Can you live with yourself?
You need very intensive rehab, therapy, and I would suggest inpatient service too.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 March 2013):
 Stop looking on the internet. You have a serious addiction and your route to help is your GP or local GUM clinic.
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/STIs/Pages/VisitinganSTIclinic.aspx
This is an NHS site which will list your local clinic.
You require a multi disciplinary approach to cover all aspects of your addiction (physical and mental effects, practical help and support and also debt management help)
The key to recovery is an open honest approach and working through each step.
Help is waiting but you cannot do this alone.
Phone your doctor.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): You've come to the wrong place.
You need counseling and psychiatric help. Forcing women into sex is morally wrong and you know it. You are a rapist. You need to stop doing this if you cant then get professional counseling and psychiatric treatment.
yes you can afford it if you can afford 30,000 pounds for prostitutes.
Do the right thing and tell your wife everything and don't you dare ask her to stay with you. If you want to mess up your life and not get treatment that's fine but don't involve other people through lies and manipulations and risk their lives too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): You're not going to change on your own or you would have by now. You need to see a therapist.
Please be honest to your wife each and every time you sleep with a prostitute. Your wife needs to know that her life is at stake if you get and give her HIV. She will probably leave you but that is the price you need to pay (not try to avoid) for not having done anything sooner. It is incredibly selfish of you to be married knowing you have this compulsion. I sympathize with you for having an addiction but it is plain selfish to expect your wife to stay married to you unknowing of what disease you're giving her and if it will end her life prematurely and painfully. Not to mention squandering the family money.
Finally you force women to do things they don't want to? You exploit the prostitutes who need the money and basically rape them. This is for sure another sign you need to see a therapist. This is inhumane.
Also telling your wife every time you sleep with a prostitute may be the thing that makes you take this problem seriously enough to get professional help so you don't have to keep lying to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): you need to see a professional, there are underlying issues to seeking out prostitutes, much like a porn addiction i do believe it could be an addiction, it gives you a sexual high, releasing endorphins almost like a drug, once you have reached an orgasm, you probably feel alot of guilt, thus feeling not good enough and like a failure you seek something to make yourself feel better, running straight back to chasing that high. The difference is you are playing with fire, and its only a matter of time befor you get burned. You owe it to yourself, and even more so your wife to go and get help. there is something deeper inside you leading you to this, i think you are a very unhappy in yourself. please go and get help , you will get alot of negative feedback online, it will not give you answers and it will not fix your addiction. im only 22 and even i can tell you that , . p.s hold your wife tonight and tell her she is beautiful and amazing, she probably needs that more then you know.best of luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 A sure "cure" is to just remember,As you've already discovered, you never know what sort of payment you'll really have to make. HIV AIDS is Russian Roulette and you can be dead from it. Get smarter not dumber. Asking me for advice re your "addiction" is acting dunber,not smarter.Good Luck
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 February 2013):
An Internet advice website isn't going to help you, you're going to need therapy. I'd also suggest letting your wife be in charge of your finances.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (28 February 2013):
Dear OP,
Listen to chigirl and iamheretohelpyou.
This thing is way too big and has gotten out of control for you to fix over some internet advice. If you've had this habit for 15 years and couldn't stop even after you promised you would, you won't be able to change it on your own. Get a counsellor, psychiatrist, go to a clinic, as soon as possible.
Personally, I find it hard to excuse your behaviour by calling it an addiction and by claiming high sex drive, but you asked for help not moral judgement. However, please consider other people's wellbeing as well. It sounds like you're completely losing your moral compass and you are getting increasingly dangerous for other people. If you don't get therapy, you might as well go to jail one day.
Also, you didn't mention how old your hiv test is and as you know, it only reliably shows an infection if that occured more than 3 months ago. You might want to get tested again.
Please be honest to your wife. Please. It's one thing to have an addiction, it's another one to put other people's happiness and health at risk. There are other infections than hiv, such as HPV, which doesn't affect you but could cause your wife cancer.
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderbread +, writes (28 February 2013):
Accountability is what you need. When people are dealing with addictions they need an accountability partner or two, and that person will not be your wife.You need to find two friends who will back you up and be your support. It sucks getting honest with people but this is what you need to do if you want to stop.Also counselling which, I'm going to tell you that they'll make you do the accountability thing as well. But definitely counselling too because there are professionals who know how to help people get past this. Also there are support programs for people who suffer with the same issues. Maybe you should get plugged into one of those.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): what you do with your life and body is your business but please explain everything to your poor wife and the risks you are exposing her to, and give her the choice to leave you if she wants to otherwise you are committing a horrendous crime against her.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Then get help. Go talk to your doctor. Talking to strangers online wont do you any good. If you actually want help then take action and take that big step and talk to your doctor. Be honest about how the situation is, that you are putting yourself at health risk, and your wife at health risk, and for that matter you put every prostitute at health risk. You know, if you have HIV, and then pass it on, in several countries that is illegal and considered just as serious as murder.
Be honest about the financial situation as well, and be honest about why you can't manage to just stop by your own. Be honest about thinking you have an addiction. Whether you actually are addicted or not is up to the professional to decide, but addiction refers to your body being addicted to a substance. Such as alcohol, meth, heroin. Having an obsession, or compulsion, and not having self control, is not an addiction. That sounds more like a mental health problem, or possible personality disorder.
In either case, you need to speak to your doctor. Strangers online do not have the resources to help you with this.
...............................
|
