A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing my girlfriend for around 4 months now. It's my first relationship, and her second but we're both pretty new to it and still learning. We attend college together, and a few weeks ago had a new semester and a new girl was in our class section. She immediately got along with my group of friends, including my girlfriend. But not me, once she learned that I was in a lesbian relationship. She has her eyes set on my girlfriend, I can tell this through the way that she acts. She commonly flirts openly with my girlfriend, mostly when I'm not around and friends have supported such actions. She often touches her far too intimately, (ie. "friendly" gropes). She once said "I would fuck your face" to her. In addition, not only does she flirt and hit on her, she is extremely rude to me. She often rolls her eyes, glares at me or uses rude mannerisms.She has called me a bitch several times, for no reason. I don't talk to her very often, if she is around I will greet her. Even though her mannerisms make me upset I try to be good about it. My girlfriend just laughs when this girl attacks me. I feel incredibly insecure about it because my girlfriend doesn't think it's a big issue but it makes me upset within good reason. I have brought it up to her before about it making me uncomfortable but she just laughs it off and doesn't take me seriously.I find it extremely difficult to cope day to day now, because this girl is aggrivating me and making me upset. I don't want to be angry or have bad blood with anyone, but I think my feelings are rational. How can I go about coping with the situation, or trying to fix it?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 the issue is not the person who's going after your partner.
The issue is your partner. She's not respecting you or your needs. You try to tell her how you feel and she laughs it off. probably due to immaturity and not knowing how to fix this.
My take on this is not pleasant and not something I would have been strong enough to do when I was your age...
you remove yourself from the situation.
so when you are with your gf and alone or with supportive friends, all is fine.
when this new girl shows up... you can smile and be civil (and if you can bear it, friendly... kill her with kindness even if you want to throttle her... it' confuses the hell out of them if they are being mean to piss you off)
If you are nice to her and she gets mean and upsets you then you should leave. For example if the girl called me a bitch to my face in front of everyone I would fix her a stare and say "you really are so insecure that you have to call names? I'm sorry I don't need to put up with this childishness." then you turn to your gf give her a kiss goodbye and say "I'll see you later" and you grab your stuff and you WALK OUT... and you keep walking...
GF may or may not chase you... does not matter.... YOU do not have to nor should you take abuse from someone.
she clearly is threatened by you... don't play her game.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 You're way too young for this anxiety, find a new diversion and get on with learning and making good grades. Good luck from a dad
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 March 2013):
 One more thing, if your GF cares about your relationship enough, then she needs to be the one to tell this person that her behavior is unwanted. It will not stop unless your GF is clear with her about it.
If your GF is unwilling to tell her to stop, that does not bode well for your relationship.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 March 2013):
blonde30s is dead on.
Your GF dismissing the problem is the same as saying that your feelings don't matter.
There are a couple of possible reasons why she dismisses this they way she does.
-She truly thinks it's a non issue
-She's hiding from it because she doesn't know how to deal with it.
-She likes the attention she's getting and doesn't want to stop it.
-She's cheating on you. (I really don't like throwing this one in the mix due to the fact that it could make things worse in your head, but sadly, this sort of behavior can be an indicator. That's not to say it IS happening, just a possibility)
-She's not as invested in the relationship as you are.
It's good that you've started talking about this issue, but you need to let her know that her dismissing it the way she has been is hurting you almost as bad as the behavior itself.
With regard to the other girl, you can't be friends with everyone. I live by a modified version of the "golden rule." My version is this: Do onto others as you would have them do onto you, but if they don't respond in kind then fuck them. They aren't worth your time or energy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Agneta  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 What bothers me with this story is not how this new girl behaves but how your girlfriend does. Even if she does not agree with you that this is something for you to feel that upset about, I find it uncomfortable if she does not stand up for you, or at least acknowledge your feelings.
I think that your first step should be to totally let go of your feelings towards this new girl. what she does or say is not important. What is important is your girlfriend and other friends. You can not make them not like the new girl or want to act silly with her, but you can concentrate on the relationship and figure out what you want here. Take power over the situation and decide what is ok for you and what is not. Maybe your girlfriend is not the one for you if she can not understand you get hurt when she laughs along with the other girl teasing you. The same with your other friends. Sounds like bullying to me :(
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