A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Sometimes you go on a date...and there is an initial exchange of messages after, saying 'blah blah, that was fun' ...then a second date isn't scheduled.I'm thinking there are either two reasons a) both parties aren't bothered b) both parties are too proud to ask c) one party is interested but waiting for the other to initiate contact.So no one wants to feel rejected, but waiting for the other party to call feels a bit helpless. Particularly if the other guys has the exact same mentality.What do you guys do? is there any watertight way of testing interest without being hurt...? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Thinking about this again (I'm on a boring train journey), I think that it's usually pretty apparent at the end of the date whether or not there will be a second date. If a guy he is keen, he'll ask. I don't ask routinely because I'm pretty shy rather than because I think it's the mans job.
I have got in touch with a couple of guys after a first date to see if they want to meet again and it's never come to anything. But it has put my mind at rest in case I felt he might be shy or whatever, and there might be a missed opportunity if I said nothing. I haven't felt that anyone is getting hurt or has lost face in the process. It's better than sitting around wondering and "feeling helpless" even if the rejection stings for a bit!
OP, you will probably find yourself turning down as many people as you get turned down by. If you like the person you had a date with, why not just send a friendly message mentioning meeting again, don't go overboard with declarations of strong feelings, and see where it goes.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 I think if there is all this ambivalence about the first date, why bother. If you LIKED the girl you call and ask her out again, if she shoot you down.. on to the next.
Unfortunately MANY girls (in your age group) think it's the guy's "job" to ask her out again. So unless you ask you won't know.
I
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Dating is a coin toss from either point of view. sometimes you get head,sometimes you get tail.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 January 2013):
You can just say something casual like "fancy going to see that movie we talked about" or something similar. You're not declaring undying love, but expressing an interest.
I agree, it can be difficult to know whether or not to make the first move. I sort of expect the man to ask first, but when that hasn't happened and I've thought he might be shy, I've sent a little text like the example I gave above. If I don't get a positive reply, well at least I know I tried and know what the score is.
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A
female
reader, _Sandra_  +, writes (27 January 2013):
Hey you're a man right, dont be a cowardYou might have felt something from her? Did she smiled to you? And the main thing: have YOU felt anything about her?If you have, so go on! Take a chance.If you felt nothing that's okay, there's no need to carry on going out with her.If you're not sure... it means rather NO, then YES. Firstly, you should sort yourself out man. Thats a mess that girls should do everything themselves then. Regards,
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A
female
reader, appled  +, writes (27 January 2013):
I met my current Boyfriend via online dating after emailing one another for a month beforehand. We met, the date went well and at the end of the night he gave me a Christmas card (he left in his car) saying hope to see you again....therefore we both knew and I then contacted him to arrange a 2nd date and that was 14 months ago. My BF very shy, I think its a brilliant idea because you can indicate you would like a 2nd date without actually saying it and facing awkwardness if they don't won't too but at least you let them know if they did. A small thank you card would also work. All the best.
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