A
female
age
30-35,
*icha.89
writes:i have been in a relationship since 5 years.in between a guy came in who seemed more promising n committed proposed me.he seemed very serious.and i lost virginity to him.i was deeply infatuated with this 2nd guy and later i was dumped.the first guy supported and consoled me through this breakdown phase.he still loves me and m in a relation with him now.but after every week he starts regretting the fact that it would have been better if i would have been a virgin as i was his.i do not like it and it makes me cry.i know i was wrong but he keeps me reminding that i did not give my best to him but someone else.what should i do?help me improve my relationship.please Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (5 February 2013):
I guess most answers miss the point that you had a relationship with you current boyfriend before losing your virginity. The problem of your boyfriend is not the virginity itself but the fact that you had sex with the other guy. I guess (you didn't mention it) you dumped your boyfriend for the other guy. Your boyfriend's self esteem is hurt, badly. Because the other guy came, took something that belonged to him, and left. When I say belonged to him, I mean your boyfriend felt that way. And it doesn't matter how wrong he may be about it. That's how he feels. If he is still a virgin of if he was at the time you had sex with the other guy, that could make things worse.In the end, I don't think you can improve things now. It's up to him. Time should get over him, eventually. He won't forget this, but he can start dealing with it inside him. Without holding this over your head. In the mean time, you have to make up your mind if you are going to wait for him.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Okay look, first of all no man owns your virginity and therefore can't hold you guilty for "giving it to someone other than him. I married a woman I knew was not a virgin, 49 years later I still maintain it was no big deal that she'd been intimate with others. It was none of my business then and still isn't. He's just hurt because he can be. I bet he's just bringing it up to make you feel guilty but you don't have a reason to and that realization is driving him bonkers. There's no good way to smooth things over without just standing up to him and telling him the truth. "It's none of his damned business what happened in the past is just that -the past now what's the future gonna be?" If he can't handle the facts then you need to take your sweet self out of the picture.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): Okay I will admit someone giving you their virginity is a nice novelty but trust me the novelty soon wears off if you don't like their personality.For some reason men have got this obsession with a woman's sexual past. I used to be obsessed with losing my virginity to someone who wasn't a virgin but I am not bothered now unless they have been with loads of people.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 How would you being a virgin in REALITY mean that you are more his then because you had one lover before him?
He is punishing you for something you CAN NOT change, over and over. To be frank, I would tell him if he can't handle you NOT being a virgin then you two need to end it. It's a something you can not fix nor change, so either end it or he needs to let it go.
And being a virgin doesn't mean you GIVE you first sexual partner something "better" of you. You made a mistake in trusting your FIRST sexual experience to a guy who wasn't worthy, doesn't mean YOU aren't worthy of anyone else, just that you made a mistake.
Was HE a virgin when you two met?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): You need to dump this guy as well. Per Indian culture you might been erred. However, you don't need to suffer slow poison. Dump him. Search for someone new and give the fullest to the new relationship you would be making. All the best.
...............................
|
