A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello All,Quick overview on the situation:I have been dating this woman, whom I love deeply, for about 6 months now. We live about a short distance apart and I shortly plan to propose to her. She is definitely the one for me. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. However, approximately 3 months into the relationship, I went to the bar for my birthday with my best friend. My significant other could not attend due to being out of town at her home. It was my birthday so I did some heavy drinking and while sitting at a table I was asked to dance by a girl whom I grew up down the street from. I danced with her and when the song was over she turned around and kissed me (she was not aware I was in a relationship). Like a peck not a make out but it was on my lips. I was intoxicated at the time and it still bothered me but I talked myself out of thinking too much of it at the time and bought her a drink. She then asked me to dance again, and my drunken idiot self said yes. After this dance, which I knew was to be my last with her I was going to hug her and say goodbye. Well I got another peck from her instead. I feel terrible about this. It was about 3 months ago and I'm the only one who knows. The girl doesn't even seem to remember as she was that intoxicated. I have not had any contact with her since. I have even gone to the same bar with my friend one more time and only sat and talked with friends. I never want to feel what I felt again. I know I did wrong and will not let my drunkeness be my excuse. This has been the only time I've ever screwed up. My predicament is that I plan to propose to her...soon. So this incident has been on my mind and I have felt extremely guilty. I feel as if I did fail her and should tell her before I propose. However, with everything being perfect as of now, why cause her the pain of knowing when I know with all my heart I will never let that happen again, ever. I don't even go to clubs anymore without her. So should I tell her, possibly relieve my guilt that burdens me, possibly cause her pain, and risk the relationship trust? Or take the burden as a reminder and never say anything about it because I know with all I am it won't happen again. Either way I feel like I betray her. I tell her and she knows what happened, or I don't tell her and die knowing I never did tell her. I feel like its a double edged sword. I know honesty is the best policy and I am an honest person but I do know that there are times to be straight forward and say something and when to hold back. If she were to ever ask me about it, I wouldn't lie. I do not want to risk telling her, and her leave me. I know she's the one, I would give my life for her. I don't want to lose her...ever. I've prayed about it, confessed in prayer and asked forgiveness, and a relief of guilt. Although I've done this I would like to know what other people what their opinion is, so any thoughts or advice on the situation would be greatly appreciated.
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best friend, drunk, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): Ok well, you say you dot go out to clubs without her. This to me sounds like you dont trust yourself without her and this is not a sign of true love. Also, I would clear up with her if dancing with another woman would hurt her because i know a lot of women who would be really hurt at the thought of another woman grinding on her man. You seem to be very remorseful which is good, but honestly if you can't control yourself because of alcohol I think you need to rethink your true love for this woman. I say tell her; because if it was me, i'd feel like youd be making a fool out of me. When you propose to her, you want her to know the real you and the truth because if she says yes, she will not be making a fully informed decision because you have been hiding something from her. This is just my opinion. Please oh please don't do stuff like this to any woman again. no one deserves this and don't buy other women drinks when you are in a relationship, it sends the wrong message.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): I think because you didn't tell her at the time then doing so now would be a big mistake .. My hubby was out with my nephew who is only two years younger than me ( I was a very late baby) and a girl kept asking me hubby to dance . He said no ( but hey he's married) and would he buy her a drink another no!! Now the girl got mad and whacked him on the face and when they came home, they were laughing about this nutty girl who flipped out ..I think you were wrong to go up a dance, as that would kinda suggest to the girl your interested .. So get a boundary going on what you will and will not do here mine.1. I do not go up to dance if asked of the dance floor. 2. I do not accept drinks ( unless its family )3. If tapped on the dance floor with my mates, I dance one dance outta being nice and that's it..4. I do not chat one to one with another guy..5. I do not accept any lifts home . I have my fare for a taxi or I call my My hubby..Maybe you could after you get engaged work out something like the above and stick to it..Someone kissing you, isn't you kissing them.. I had a guy try to kiss my lips he had tapped me on the floor and tried to move in lol I ducked and he kissed my forehead lol lol I then walked if the dance floor. LolStop feeling bad .. Say if you think this girl might mention it.. Then better coming from you..
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I have attended some college worked full time and lived on my own. I'm actually in school now. Perhaps I am blowing it out of proportion and need to forget it. Only reason it bothers me so is because I know this girl is the one. I wanted it to be blemish free so the small incident tears me up inside that I let it happen.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 Olderthandirt gave you the best advice.
I personally don't think it's worth mentioning. I feel like the hurt that your honesty may cause will be more trouble than those drunken pecks were worth. Is it actually possible for you to just let it go? It sounds like it's weighing heavily enough on your mind that it would be an effort to forget.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Yes you should tell her. And you should have also told that girl off.But at the time. I suppose now is better than never.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs there was really no time to return the either of them, they weren't a second long, pecks did my lips pucker at the most, maybe but I felt nothing, nothing at all like I do when I kiss my significant other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMale reader, you couldn't be any more wrong. I thought so before too. I realize I messed up and was disloyal. It was my birthday and I drank too much. I had zero feelings for that girl, at all and have had zero contact. This was a one and only mistake, it hasn't happened before, or after this. I just grew up down the street from her and agreed to a dance and agreed to purchase her a drink and ended up with a problem because I made drunk decisions. I have fixed my behavior. Just don't know if I should tell her if I know it will never happen again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Here my question did you at anytime reciprocate the kisses on the lips? If yes then slow it down .. If no then nothing to worry about.I've been with my hubby since he was 18 and I 14teen nearly 26 years comith haha and he knew from 6 months that I was his girl.. We got engaged when I was 17teen but didn't marry until I was 25 I suppose we wanted to show my parents we were mature enough before we did . We also lived together when I was 17 got our first flat, very cosy lol.. I can understand the knowing part that you have found 'the one'. Get engaged by all means and plan a wedding a few years down the line that way you will be sure you two are init for the long haul .. Congratulation in advance and if you didn't kiss her then there no issue..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Yeah yeah now you've done something she's all of a sudden perfect for you. Too late.
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female
reader, Faded Lights  +, writes (16 April 2013):
It was a peck, and not even initiated by you. I don't think it is really a big deal and definitely not worth bringing up. You obviously are a very respectable boyfriend that you feel so bad about this so I know you would never cheat on her. You could mention it if you would feel better getting it off yyour chest, but only if you think she would take the news well. Personally, I'd be thankful if my boyfriend told me and I wouldn't be mad at him, but if she tends to be super jealous and not forgiving I probably just wouldn;t say anything...it was just a one night meaningless drunken kiss, not a big deal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I agree it was disloyal and I regret it full heartedly and wish with all my heart I could take those two quick kisses away. As far as the drink, I honestly don't know why I did, drunk decisions, she asked me too and I did. Yes we had just started at the time. The whole predicament has only solidified my thoughts and feelings toward my girlfriend. I learned from it and now I don't ever go out anywhere besides friends houses. It's never going to happen again..A lot of people have told me it's too early, it's hard to explain, but I just know, it is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect woman for me.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 The answer is in your brain...Would you like to have her return from her trip ans tell you all about her ex-boyfriend giving her "3 drunken pecks on the cheek" if yes, then tell her all the sordid details, if no then let the good times roll ans write it off as a drunken encounter that means nothing to anyone.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 April 2013):
 At three months into your relationship, were you officially exclusive? Also, were you sexually active with your girlfriend before dancing and being kissed by another girl?
Why did you buy another girl a drink if you have a girlfriend? Doesn't that show her that you're into her? And why didn't you instead of buying her a drink and dancing with her a second time, tell her you had a girlfriend?
That's disloyal, to be honest.
Many here will tell you not to, and even I am not adamant about you doing it. But would you want your girlfriend to tell you that she danced twice with a guy, accepted a drink from him, and he kissed her?
Slow down your relationship. 6 months is too soon to propose. If being drunk tempts you to flirt with another, that's a sign to slow down.
Whether you should tell her or not depends on whether or not you'd want her to tell you if the same thing happened to her. Technically, you didn't cheat, but it was disloyal like I said before.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Have you been to college, do you have a stable job? You are being awfully dramatic about a peck from a neighbor girl, after a birthday dance. Are you sure you're telling the whole story? You are totally over-reacting over a couple of meaningless pecks from a girl who doesn't even recall the incident. Your reaction is equivalent to a response to a date-rape. Really, settle down.If you are making a big fuss over this, you will certainly upset your girlfriend; because all this weird guilt-trip you're having over something so insignificant will make her feel suspicious there's more to it than you're admitting.I honestly feel that you need to mature a little more before taking such a big step. If you behave this way over something so small; I have to wonder how you'll react when something really serious happens?Cheating is a bit more involved than an innocent peck on the lips from a girl who was tipsy with a few drinks. You were in public. You both had your clothes on, I assume. My concern is with your behavior. Not hers. You feel guilty because you got all heated over her attention. You accepted the second dance, because you were all hot and bothered.Don't fault that girl for anything!I think you should have just dismissed the kisses for what they were. Innocent, with nothing behind it. You are being so melodramatic about it, and you're about to upset your girlfriend with something trivial and somewhat stupid.Young man, you are not ready for marriage; if you are not able to measure the severity of nothing more than a kiss comparable to a kiss from your mom or sister. Your guilt is that you were turned on, and can't stop obsessing about it.Let it go!I advise you to delay any decisions about marriage for a while. Your reaction is that of a juvenile, over-reacting and reading way too much into a small incident. You've blown it all out of proportion. You have a lot of growing up to do. Your girlfriend deserves to go into marriage with a man who is level-headed, mature, and less dramatic. You can be that man; if you just allow yourself more time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Clarification: the kisses, which were pecks, were on the lips.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): To clarify, the two kisses were on the lips.
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