A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i feel so lost. i was married and very unhappy, i met a guy at work and at first site it was as if i stopped breathing, i instantly loved him! butterflies fireworks everything! it signified the end of my.marriage as i felt if i was in love with my husband i wouldnt have these feeling for others, i ended my unhappy marriage before anything happened with this guy. he was in a relationship and has 2 kids, we started seeing each other, i never put any pressure on him to leave, although he said our connection was like nothing neither of us had ever experienced, we talk for hours, we just get each other, its like we have a psychic connection, a mutual attraction and lust. after a row with his partner he choose to leave her and came straight to me, after talking for a long while about leaving (i never influenced him to choose) he choose to leave, and bit quick, but he moved into my place. during this time we were happy and both seemed to get along so easily, i am utterly head over heels in love with him. i then found messages, sexual ones between him and his ex, my stomach sank! i confronted him instantly, he said he was confused and didnt know what he wanted, he left and stayed the weekend at hers! i was devastated! but my house mate forced me on a night out where i drowned my sorrows! i didnt speak to him, 2 days later i got a msg sayin he choose me and was coming back to.me! he had thought about it and he wanted me! wary but happily i accepted him back, knowing he had time to think and had choose me, we went back to blissfull happiness, until a few weeks later he was distant, i felt something was wrong! i came home and he sad he needed to talk! i knew he was leaving again! , he said he missed the kids, and was leaving, he said he loved his ex more than he thought, he said he didnt love me enough, and that i would never be his priority, i didnt fight it! i let him go! i loved him enough to let him go! but was very bitter! i got on wiht life, my female house mate was a great support. i didnt see him for a while but wen i did the spark was straight back! were drawn together! . we were seeing each other again, he tearfully said he was sorry, over an over again he said he made a huge mistake! loosing his soul mate, he said he had gone back and nothin had changed and they could never be happy, he said he wanted me, again i never pushed. after a row with his ex he left again, and came straight to me, he has promised to be transparent, said i can check his phone, said while he was away he realized how much he loved me, more than he thought, and i was what he wanted, i accepted him back, i live him, i am happy, but im sooooo scared he will leave again. my female house mate has fell out with me as she refuses to live with him after what he did to me, we now dont speak! shes leaving, and im scared ive lost my friend and he will leave again and ill be alone! . my best mate died in december and i feel so alone and now ive lost my housemate too. i cant help feelin.insecure, and i know i choose to have him bk so cant keep asking him if he is lying, cheating and leaving, how do I trust him again? how do i tell him im scared? im scared ill end up loosing everyone and everything! please can anyone help me ease my anxiety i feel like im loosing my mind xx
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at work, his ex, moved in, soulmate, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): "how do I trust him again?"You can't. He was never trustworthy in the first place, so he can't regain trust he never earned. "how do i tell him im scared?"You don't have to. He already knows that you'll believe anything he says; that's exactly why he's shamelessly taking advantage of you by telling you everything you want to hear in order to keep weaseling his way back into your affections."im scared i'll end up losing everyone and everything!" You will lose everyone and everything, but it will be by your choice. If you want to chase away loyal, genuinely concerned friends who dare to tell you the inconvenient truth in favor of being a doormat continuously hanging on to every meaningless word this worthless scumbag utters because he knows how to stroke your ego and fluff your vanity, then you should expect the inevitable consequences. "please can anyone help me ease my anxiety i feel like im losing my mind xx"I can only politely suggest you seek counselling
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (27 February 2013):
 In short, just in case you want a man's perspective, you can't trust him. Actions speak louder than words and look at his actions?
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this? If so, you must be mad. You're set for a life of misery with this one.
Why not go out, meet new people and find yourself a decent man who wants to be with you and treats you right?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Nobody can tell you if he will go again...it's possible because he has kids, but who knows what will happen. The thing that everyone should realise is that if you get involved with someone who is already in a relationship, is newly separated or has kids with someone else, things are going to be rough!!! because that is how life is when there is a lot of mess.
I can't help but think you are a little love blind, you have put this guy on such a pedestal and pussy footed around him because you are scared to lose him that now he has the message that he can come and go and change his mind and be confused and mess you around...and where are you in all this?...lost confused unable to trust him and without a friend!!
You need to toughen up a little or you will never survive if he does go back to the ex...or even if she starts making demands for the kids or some or other crisis surfaces (which it will), these are the facts of being with someone who has a complicated (and not too distant) past. It's traumatic leaving kids behind, this guy is going to thrash around for quite some time to come, the question is: Are you tough enough to stick it out and deal with the waves?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Get a grip, Take a very deep breath and look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see a victim? If yes then..cry about lost love and never invest you feelings again. OR do you see a survivor? If yes, then...you are on the road to a "reset" I hope you are a survovor and can just chaulk this sordid affair up as his loss ,your gain. Dust yourself off and get back in the game. You only pass this way once. Letting some loser define your future is a one way pass to dispair. good luck and treat yourself well, As they say in Hawaiian...Melama Pono!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 You can't trust him. He'll return to his ex or cheat on you with someone new. It will never stop until you get him out of your life.
Why do you think your housemate is leaving? Because she sees the same thing I do. You need someone professional now to help you make better choices than you are making.
You threw away your marriage for this guy. He cheated on his relationship with you. He keeps cheating. It's very unhealthy. You will stay unhealthy until you get away from him.
There's no easy answer. Stay with him and live hell on earth, or leave him, cut him off, and slowly heal.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (26 February 2013):
 You know what - stop wasting your time with this man! He's messing you around big time! You deserve better than this. As the saying goes ' a leopard never changes its spots'. He will continue to make you unhappy and instead of crying over him you would be far better going out and about with your friend as you will stand a good chance of meeting somebody more worthy of you. There is also the fact that there are two children involved in all this and quite frankly you are better off keeping well out of the situation. Here's another little saying ' The person who's really worth your tears will never make you cry'. That person is out there somewhere. Think on.
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