A
female
age
36-40,
*ms84
writes:Hello all! i have a question about my partner. It's been a rocky road for us but he moved in in november 2012.A week after i discovered messages to his ex lovers, not one but a few, which angered and hurt me immensely. He reminisced about their sex with them but also slagged me off in front of them. He also said he was single. I confronted him about it and he said it would never happen again and he would never hurt me like that again. He even gave me his fb pass. Not for long though. He suffers from a heart condition and ended in a hospital in december only for a day. I rang his best friend, as they were together at the time and my partners phone was off, whether he knew what happened, His friend only said thst had learnt from another friend.I went onto his fb to see whether there was anything there and turns out that he let a couple of girls know he was ill before even texting me after which I confronted him and he changed his fb password. He has many fb female friends who he chats to and it drives me mad. Am i being irrational? I can't rebuild that trust in a matter of two months if he keeps chatting to women online. Last night we had an argument and it even then he was chatting to a female friend of his all throughout it. Am I being unfair or stupid??
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female
reader, ams84 +, writes (27 January 2013):
ams84 is verified as being by the original poster of the question dear all who bothered to answer!! thank you, , I'm by no means a non intelligent bimbo and i should have figured it out for myself.Sometimes a hard slap is what is necessary. Thank you all again
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 If you stay with him for one more day, you might as well tattoo "Doormat" on your own forehead. He doesn't respect you, and you should have tossed him to the curb a long time ago.
He's doing this crap because he can, and because you let him, and because you don't have enough self-respect not to put up with it. The fact that there's even a conversation about it where he has the opportunity to argue about it shows that he's got your number big time, and that he's got you wrapped around his finger.
Stop the hand wringing. Stop the arguments. Eject him forcibly from your life, delete him, drop him, toss him out.
That'll cut all the drama out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): "It's been a rocky road for us but he moved in in november 2012."
If it's been a rocky road, then why did you allow him to shack up with you?
"I confronted him about it and he said it would never happen again and he would never hurt me like that again."
He disrespected you and treated you with absolute contempt
within a week of shacking up with you, yet all he needed to do to weasel his way back into your affections was a lame apology and some insincere ego stroking.
"Am i being irrational? I can't rebuild that trust in a matter of two months if he keeps chatting to women online."
You're being irrational because you can't rebuild trust with a lying cheating scumbag who never earned it and continues to keep dumping on you.
"Am I being unfair or stupid??"
Agree with Honeypie and sarcy24, I vote for stupid. You were stupid to let him move in. You were stupid not to be offended and insulted when he disrepected and lied about you to his exes. You were even stupider to let him off the hook by shamelessly playing to your ego and vanity.
And you are being stupidist of all by continuing to engage in the same petty facebook arguments with a lying cheating scumbag who has made it clear that he doesn't give a rat's ass about you and will be happy to keep walking all over you as long as you keep putting out for him under your roof.
Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves. Do you not have the one speck of self-respect, dignity and pride necessary to throw him out on his ear, as you should have done one week after he moved in? Honest to God, as an older guy I absolute cannot fathom why so many young women are willing rationalize such resprehensible behavior, let it slide with insincere apologies and false promises, and then let the cycle continue ad nauseum, always allowing lying cheating scumbags to charm and manipulate them by overriding their brains and backbone by shamelessly plaing to their emotions, ego and vanity.
He's never going to change. I define stupidity as not having the ability to learn, ignorance as not having had the opportunity to learn, and (borrowing from Einstein) insanity as doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different outcome every time. Right now I'd say you're suffering from a combination of the three but you have the ability to change yourself by smartening up.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (27 January 2013):
 This man sounds horrible, he doesn't care about your feelings and is potentially lining the next girl up while he is still with you. You need out! The only way you will feel better is to dump him and give it time to heal. I know it will be hard but it's better than letting the situation get worse. He won't stop.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): Ahhh,,,the younger generation...so much to learn !!
You seem like a nice woman but you are allowing your emotions and care for this guy to cloud your thought process. It happens. Its a chemical thing.
He is a player, user and taker. You need to pack his things now and march him out the door, have a good cry and move on. There are plenty of good men out there who are givers and a giving and kind man is who you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): No you are not being unfair. He has been disrespectful about you to these other women. Talks to them in a sexual manner. Pretended he was single. Even let other women know he was ill before telling you. Sorry but he clearly has more emotional involvement with these women than he has with you. That is evident by the fact you weren't one of the first people he thought about when he started feeling ill. That says it all really. You were just an after thought. He is reliant on FB and these other women for attention. Even when you tried talking to him about things, he was also having a conversation with some woman at the same time? He's taking you for granted. Show him the door, a home is probably what he is with you for by the sound of it. I would cease giving him a roof over his head. Let his lady friends house him!
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 January 2013):
Dump him. He is being so disrespectful to you and your relationship. You should feel like number one.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2013):
 I don't want to sound harsh, but I 'd go with stupid. WHY keep getting mad if you keep "forgiving" it?
Basically you are telling him it's OK to keep doing what he is doing as long as he apologize..
If I were you would just end it, he is NOT going to change. He is however expecting YOU to just suck it up and accept it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 when will folks learn that facebooking is Not a way of having any relationship?
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Stupid
This chap wants his cake and to eat it. He is not showing you any respect by constantly talking to these 'friends' and texting them etc. The fact that he had moved in with you and continued to say that he was single is a big red flag. I would tell him that the relationship is now over - he really cannot be trusted and clearly enjoys the attention from other women. For me the end of the relationship would have come when he did not tell you first that he had ended up in hospital - as his partner you should have been told before anyone else, except possibly parents. I had something simlar happen once when I went to call one of my boyfriend's friends when he became ill and ended up in hospital and they all already knew. He is not treating you properly and you are putting up with far too much. Even if he says that he will never do any of these things again he has already proven that it isn't the case and he cannot be trusted. Time to move on while you are still young and can easily neet someone else. For your own sanity please don't put up with this man anymore.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (27 January 2013):
 There's really no excuse for him telling these women he's single. He obviously misses flirting with other girls, but in a relationship you have to draw the line. In my opinion he crossed the line. I doubt he will change, whether he would ever physically cheat, probably not. U need to decide if your happy to stay with him
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