A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a student and when I'm away from home, there aren't many people of african origin. When I came back to the city it became a sudden culture shock to be back, and now I have a job working and I've suddenly got this paranoia that I'm going to say something extremely racist to one of my colleagues . I don't know why! I just am so worried that it will just slip out somehow because I've spent so many thoughts being like you can't say anything that might be taken as racist, and as a result I'm just thinking of all the really racist things people might say and remembering not to say them. It has taken over my mind with worry all the time so I'm worried it'll slip out. I am not in any way racist, but I think it's the fact that I know that I can't say it because it's truly awful! that it is just taking over my mind and I'm so worried I'll say it without meaning to! I'm one of those people who is over cautious and paranoid about everything so I tend to overthinks things and worry about what might happen all the time. Please help me not let this consume my mind all the time yet remain self control so I don't blurt out something accidentally ! Or maybe I'm just worrying too much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (22 June 2011):
If you were racist, you wouldn't worry so much about this, and I am sure that people won't perceive you as a racist person.
As you seem to notice, if we focus on things we want to avoid thinking of, we actually think about them MORE. this is psychologically well proved, it's because our minds can't purposefully NOT think about something or NOT do anything (we think in pictures and there's no picture for "NOT saying racist things"). So, instead of thinking about what you want to avoid, think about the things you want to do instead.
Think of friendly things you want to say. Think of the positive behaviour you wish to show, about the fun you want to have with other people. Imagine this really vividly. Make plans how to actively get involved with people, how to actively show your sympathy, instead of trying to avoid making them think you're racist. Don't avoid your colleagues but try to establish short and friendly conversations with them.
And make plans about what you would be saying if you accidentally blurted out something. Imagine what exactly could come out of your mouth and how you'd apologize for it. The more specific you know what you're afraid of, the more specifically you can take action.
I'd suggest you make a list of all racist things that come to your mind, and then think about alternatives to say, or apologies for having said them. Being honest with yourself and writing down the horrible things you might say can actually already be a great relief (you can burn the list afterwards).
Also, shift your focus from yourself and your thoughts to the outside world. This sounds like a stupid thing to say but it's very important. The more you focus on your possible failure or future guilt, the more chances you'll be missing on having successful conversations and relaxed moments. Instead of just seeing people you don't want to be racist to, look at every one as the individual they are. Look at each person's uniqueness and imagine what he/she might be thinking of, heading towards, doing in their free time. When you talk, don't focus on all the mistakes you might make, but look at your partners face. Is she/he smiling at you? Can you make this person laugh? Does he/she wear something nice you want to make a compliment of? Does he/she have time to have a coffee with you once? Would you like to be friends with him/her?
In my experience, the more time you spend with your colleagues, and the more you establish a friendly relationship, the less you will worry about this stuff. People will get to know you and also pardon you if you make a mistake.
A
female
reader, caringgirl +, writes (22 June 2011):
hey there, firzt of all after reading your message I can tell your quiet distressed about this. But dont panic. Just take a deep breathe. your not going crazy and you are not going to say anything stupid or any racial slur.
I have also suffered something similar situation to you.I use to suffer from intrusive thoughts related to ocd ,at one point i literally thought I was goinginsane Than i was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, you may be suffering perhaps a mild form of ocd. Maybe go to the doctor or see a therapist and speak to someone about this. It is nothing to do with your fear of being politically correct , i think you may have other underlying issues.
OCD symptoms vary from mild to severe. They include obsessions (thoughts or feelings) that make you feel distressed or anxious.Fear of saying/thinking certain words because of the negative consequences that may result from doing so is something common alot of people can suffer from it.In your case your really afraid you may say a racial word.you may also feel worried that you may end up Blurting out insults and/or obscenities.Try not to supress your thoughts ie do not block them out , they will make it worse. If you keep thinking such thoughts , just let it go with the flow , let the thoughts come and get on with your daily acitivity. keep yourself pre occupied,do not dwell to much on the thoughts , do not block it out , do not question it.it is highly unlikely you will make racial slurs to anyone, Its all based on anxiety ,remember that. If your getting distressed about it and go and seek help from your gp.
On that note, all I can say is please dont worry too much. Just dont pay too much attention to your thoughts , youl be superised alot of people have such random thoghts, but its how you deal with it,just remember it is highly unlikely you will act upon your thoughts , but just dont work yourself upto a panic mode or it will just make the thoughts even worse. just take a deep breathe. hope this helps takecare
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (22 June 2011):
If you didn’t know what terms were racist, I could see your concern, but it sounds like you do, so if you know how nasty those words are, in what context would you unintentionally use them? You’d have to be wanting to insult or hurt them to use them. The previous poster is quite correct-you’re confusing racism with not being politically correct. Are you worried that you’ll say something innocently enough and it cause offence? It’s unlikely that you would, and if you did that isn’t racism, especially if you apologise and clarify what you meant. Racism is about intent. If I do not have prejudice, it wouldn’t make me a racist if I accidentally caused offence or was misunderstood, but it would make me racist only if I did so knowingly as a deliberate choice. I think you’ve nothing to worry about even in terms of accidentally causing offence. Just treat everybody the same and how can you go wrong?
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 You've been watching too much TV about the stereotypical token "angry black guy or woman" who yells at people for every little thing that could have accidentally sounded racist. If you're not a racist and you don't make jokes about black people then you're not going to horribly offend anyone. If you're not racist then you won't say racist things.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (22 June 2011):
I think you're getting confused between being racist, and not being politically correct. You're not accidentally going to say something racist, unless you are a racist. But I take your point, that you are afraid of saying something that might be offensive. To be honest, you are worrying over nothing. Why would you say anything that would offend someone else? You are definitely worrying too much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): dont worry. if you think your going to say something racist just think of something else. and if you do Say something racist just say "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that/it I meant to say-" and use a differnt word that may not seem racist. I had the same porblum in school. use try to relax.(sorry if any thing is misspelled I'm 13-22)
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