A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Could the lack of sex in my relationship have caused my boyfriend to cheat? We were together for 2 years and we both live at home with our parents. We both come from very strict households which made it hard for us to have that "quality time" to ourselves. We tried alternatives,like going to friends houses and doing it which I wasn't proud or comfortable with but i did it for him. We thought about renting rooms,but neither of us liked that idea. Eventually i started sneaking him in my house and got caught in the act by my family! They lost so much respect for me so i stopped sneaking him in and we kinda did it when we could.I recently found that he was cheating on me with several other girls and this really upset me because i sacrificed alot to keep him happy an with me. He makes me feel like its all my fault he did this but i was in his same situation and didn't make the choice to cheat on him. Would i have liked more intimacy? yes i would have, but since we were in a very committed relationship i chose not to cheat. I think its wrong instead of talking to me or breaking up with me he lead me on for these years making promises that he never planned to keep. I feel so betrayed that he was being so loving in front of me and having other relationships behind my back for 2 years! All he see are his needs in the relationship and wont acknowledge mine or the effort and sacrifice i put in the relationship. We have had the conversation many times that if we felt the need to cheat we would be honest and break up; i thought we were on the same page but i guess not. My question is does a lack of sex justify cheating in a committed relationship? And any advice that would be helpful getting through this break-up? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 April 2012):
 NOTHING justifies cheating in a committed relationship.
Congrats on being strong enough to end it with him.
you have permission to feel lousy for 6 weeks...
you can write him long long letters that you never send... seal them up in an envelope and put them away... years from now when you find it and read it you will marvel at how you have changed...
after six weeks of feeling sorry for yourself you put on your big girl panties and start getting out.
it takes a while to heal.... you won't even notice it and then one day you will realize you are feeling better... the next day may suck again but slowly and surely you will heal.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (29 April 2012):
What an utterly selfish boyfriend you have!
It’s disgraceful that he not only cheats (which is never justifiable), but that he tries to make you feel that it’s your fault. Of course living with family isn’t ideal for having quality time, but that’s life! And it’s frustrating for the both of you. You describe your relationship as “committed,” but it seems to me he thinks rather differently of it. If he was serious about you he’d have put up with the lack of sex, and he would show consideration for your feelings as well. I’m afraid this is a self-interested man whose only concern is himself. His behaviour suggests that you are little more than sex to him, don’t you think you deserve better than this? Hard as it is, I think you should get out now, because the more you invest in to this relationship and in to this cheating man, the more hurt you’re going to get.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 No a lack of sex does not justify cheating in a committed relationship. If he was unhappy he could have spoken to you but instead chose the coward's way.
You haven't done anything wrong. You tried to make the most of an impossible situation and believed you were in it together. The guy is a rat. Give him a wide berth and know that you are an honest person who deserves an equally honest partner.
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A
male
reader, Big T203 +, writes (29 April 2012):
No nothing justifies cheating ever , if he was cheating with several other girls he may have been a player from the beginning. and only time will heal the breakup just dont think its your fault and you'll be ok .
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 No it does not justify what he done, he didn't care about you, if he did then he would not have cheated on you or made you feel like it was your fault, you put all you could in to this relationship and he just took that for granted. You are better off without a loser like that, although yes it will be hard for you to get over the relationship. It will take time but you will get there in the end. Just remember that none of this was your fault, he is just trying to manipulate you in to thinking that. He done wrong and he doesn't care that he hurt you just remember that. You will find someone who will treat you better than this. Good luck.
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