A
male
age
30-35,
*aptainh
writes:I'm so lost. I feel like I don't belong wherever I am mostly. I feel that whatever I do or whatever I say, people will tease me or laugh at me. I have trouble taking a joke/not taking things to heart and determining whether people think what I did was funny or whether they were just having a joke. I feel that no one genuinely sticks up for me or wants to be around me. People have said nice things about me on a number of occasions, yet the negative thoughts going through mind just shoot me down in whatever I do. I feel like people don't take me seriously and this makes me feel like they are better than me. I am so sick and tired of feeling like this, I know I am a confident person who just seems to be stuck in a shy, withdrawn persons body. I feel like the only way to fix this is to tell people about it, yet I don't quite know how. I just want to be rid of all the negativity. I would appreciate as much advice, especially from girls as I can. Cheers x
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male
reader, captainh +, writes (25 June 2011):
captainh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys. no nonsense aiden, I could use any advice I can get at the moment, so any advice on how to talk to people easier would be much appreciated. cheers.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (22 June 2011):
I’m not sure from this post that you’ve recognised what lies at the heart of your problem, and I think in recognising it you’ll be able to gradually deal with it. The issue is that you have a very strong perception of yourself that is negative. Negative views of ourselves, for some reason, always seem to be so much more powerful-I wouldn’t mind betting that if I knew you, I could list 9 of your best qualities and one of your faults, and you’d filter out the 9 good points whilst feeling insecure about the single fault. Because this negative self-image is so powerful, you’re blocking out positive feedback from others such as the nice comments about you that you referred to, or you’re ignoring them or refusing to take them at face value because they don’t match your own self-perception, a self-perception that you don’t seem willing or able to really question. I can’t think of an easy way around that, if you feel bad about yourself there’s no quick fix. However, if you are consciously aware that you are mistakenly filtering out or irrationally dismissing positive feedback from others, you might at least be able to question things a bit better when you’re feeling bad, by recognising that you have a negative self-image and are unreceptive to positive feedback, and consciously thinking what the implications are by taking the good comment, the laugh at your joke, at face value? If you need an aid to remind you to reflect more rationally perhaps when something that seems positive has happened but you’re doubting it, maybe try for a while writing down everything positive that you achieved. “Had a nice conversation with x” or “x said it was good to see me today” or “made x laugh when...” Or save this question as a favourite on your computer for easy access, so that you can remind yourself of the advice that I (and I’m sure others on dearcupid) are giving you. In time, trusting your instincts instead of allowing negativity to block out everything else will become easier. I’m not a girl but I hope the advice is helpful. Also, if you have difficulties talking with people I could give you advice on tips for making conversation easier-I wasn’t sure from your post whether communication is an issue for you because of a lack of confidence (you mentioned feeling shye and withdrawn despite knowing there’s a confident person in there). I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, lovesickchick +, writes (22 June 2011):
It is completely normal to feel this way you know. You come across as insecure or someone who walks in the shadow of others, but you are a young girl. Every single person, especially females, worry about what you worry about. Nobody likes to be judged. However there comes a point when you do grow out of it. At the end of the day, nobody has the right to judge you and people who do you should not feel the need to have them involved in your life. Nobody is better than you, nobody is perfect! But soon you will realise that it is your imperfections that make a person perfect.Everyone at some point of their life gets depressed, whether you are or not... And there are many ways to help you feel better. To be positive it is always best to surround yourself with positive people and also listen to positive music. I also recommend taking up a hobby as it can be the same mundane day to day life which gets people down. Try to do as much with your day as possible, a person always feel better if they have done something productive with themselves. Whether you go out with family and friends to cinema, shopping, or you excercise or clean your house or room. Environment is a big part of how you feel as well. If your environment is messy it can effect your mood. You could always get away somewhere for a few days, or simply rearrange furniture.Another way to take away negative thoughts is too pamper and treat yourself. Get your nails done, hair done, buy some new clothes, have a nice relaxing bubble bath. I do also recommend confiding in somebody you're close with, whether it is family or a friend. It is always good to talk to someone especially when you are feeling down, instead of holding in your emotions and letting them build up inside of you.Another thing is to smile, even if you don't feel like it.Last of all, take a look at your diet. There are certain foods which if we eat too much of, for example chocolate, they can alter your mood and make you more prone to being upset. There are also other foods which help make you happier, like bananas and other fruits. Look into it!I hope this helped a little. Keep smiling and hold your head up high! People will always respect you more if you seem to take everything in your stride! Good luck.
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