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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hi, im 21 years old and i am having an affair. the woman is 32, married with two kids. over the last 6 months we have been having wild sex in hotel rooms and at my place and going out for meals miles out of town. she keeps telling me that she will leave her husband when she figures out what will happen to her kids. i want to be with her, so id love her to break up with her husband. but i dont want her kids.what do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the help, i really appreciate it. since posting the Q and looking at the A's, i have stopped the affair. i love her but im only 21, i dont want 2 kids and an older woman who will age more than me. i dont know if she is staying with her husband
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (6 April 2011):
This woman and her children come as a package. If you can’t accept that, it’s time to walk away-this is an affair based on lust, involving the small matter of a husband, and children that you don’t want. It’s going nowhere. If it’s a relationship that you want, you have to decide what you do and don’t want from it, and what you can and cannot accept. Perhaps try sticking to people who are single, without children or other “baggage” in future. Although you and this woman have both done wrong, you’d be being unfair and selfish to encourage her to walk out on her marriage when there’s no basis for a relationship between the two of you. Tell her it’s over and to concentrate on her marriage, and for your part, face up to the fact that it’s finished and move on!
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 April 2011):
 hi your first step should be to make sure you tell her you don't want her kids and then take it from there. i don't agree with what you are doing by the way, just thought i would mention that! but it is unfair to let her think that there is a future with you, unless she is happy to dump her kids with her husband and run off with you that is
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Although I do not think for one moment that your girlfriend would leave her kids I can understand why you don't want them. I was married to a man who had kids from another relationship and I couldn't accept them so eventually had to walk. I just didn't want them in the equation but knew they were and that they were here to stay so had to leave. It is very very rare for a woman to leave her kids so although I imagine she loves you v much it is just all talk. If you end up together the kids will be there too so think very carefully if you can cope with that whatever she says.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): You already know that this is just a bit of fun, for you both! You cant settle down with someone if they have kids and you are not interested?!It's just an affair so enjoy it while it lasts and dont expect anymore from this woman. She might leave her hubby but if she did and you dont want the whole package that would be pretty bad, for everyone. You need to think about the disastrous impact this could potentially have on everyone, not least HER KIDS. I do feel your attitude is a little selfish and (sorry) immature but hey, you are only 21. That is why relationships between younger and older people tend to be more physical than anyhting else. Look, if you like older women, why not find a single one? There are loads of women in their 30s who like men in their 20s, and I'm speaking from experience. I think you probably need to let your lady go.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Honey you are FUN and GAMES... she's not leaving hubby and she's not leaving the kids.Moms and kids are package deals. I was having an "affair" my husband KNEW about it... I would not have left my husband even as unhappy as I was with hubby and as much fun as the affair partner was. Would not have happened (and my kids are grown) The only reason I am with my affair partner NOW as my BF is because my husband left me..... granted I did not stop him but had he tolerated my relationship with the BF I would have stayed married and kept my young stud on the side... easily.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 She's lying and cheating and having a good time out of it. Dont worry you wont be stuck with the kids in any case, because the mommy's not coming either. Had she wanted to, she would have walked out of the marriage before starting the affair with you.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Well her and her kids are a package - you cant have one without the other I'm afraid. You must have realised this pretty early on, so it is pretty awful of you to allow this woman to fall for you and cheat on her husband when you are not ready to deal with her and her children. You should have told her from the start how you felt about her kids, I mean you should not have been having an affair in the first place but it doesnt sound like you care too much about that. So what you need to do is be honest with her - tell her you would love a relationship with her but you dont want to be involved with her children, and see how she takes it. Be prepared that she will not react well to this - but you have to be honest. You cant wait until she has left her husband to tell her 'oh by the way, I dont want anything to do with your kids so I only want to see you on your own'. As a single mother her life would get a lot harder, and she would have a lot less time to spend alone with you. She would not have the poor old husband at home to look after them while she is having wild sex with you in hotels - she would have the kids probably 5 days a week and then the dad gets them at the weekend. So if you dont want a relationship with a woman who has children - you must end this now. Dont let her leave her husband, who is happy to be a father to these children and loves all of them, for someone who only wants the fun side of a relationship and not the real, difficult parts of a relationship. She has a right to know, so tell her right away. If this woman has fallen in love with you - she will want to build a future with you. She would probably be thinking that you will have a relationship, where you see each other fairly frequently to start, then you meet her kids and get to know them, then you move in together as a family and you will become step-dad. If you dont want this - you MUST tell her now. Dont let her ruin her life and throw away everything for someone who doesnt want what she wants. I'm sure the sex is great and it will be hard to let her go - but if you really dont want to be involved in her kids lives then you have no choice. Learn your lesson from this - dont get involved with married women unless you are ready and prepared for all the baggage that comes with it. I hope this helps and good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Whether you like it or not if you want her you are going to have to deal with having her kids as well. With most if not all women her and her kids come as a package deal. If I were you I'd probably give up on the relationship before it goes to much farther. I have a feeling she has no plans to actually leave her husband or kids. Don't fool yourself, rarely does a woman (or man) actually leave their spouse for the person they are having an affair with.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Do the right thing and walk away. a) She'll never leave her husband.b) Her and her kids are a package deal.c) She cheats on her husband, she'll cheat on you too.d) Relationships that start as affairs never work out.She's ruining her family, and you're helping. Put yourself in her kids' shoes for a second and think about if what you're doing is right. You picture yourself with her, so what about as her husband. Do you think you could ever REALLY trust her? I sure as hell couldn't.
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