A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just started seeing this guy I met online. He is so incredibly nice, sweet and wants the same things I do. However, I worry that he may be gay and just in the closet. He's the first guy I've ever met who hasn't had his hands all over me or tried anything on a date. He doesn't really kiss, kisses like he'd be inexperienced, but he's 37. He has had girl friends in the past he says, but he talks in an effeminate way that is very similar to how stereotypical gay men sound when they talk. He says he doesn't date, he's more of a relationship kind of guy.I'm not sure if it's just that he was raised, by a single mother, or he just wants to remain in the closet. I cannot ask him about his sexuality or if he's had sex, as that would be weird and hurtful.I'd love some advice on this. Thanks!
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male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (9 August 2014):
did you give him hints to have he's hands all over you ? did you go for the first kiss?
Yes its down to us men I know this but some of us actually don't want to offend the women and feel if I go for that she will just think I am a sleaze ball.
maybe he has been single for a while and needs to get use to it.
I have the ability to be able to go out with a girl I find attractive and not do anything all night but that's because I respect them.
Besides have you never hears the quiet ones are always the kinkiest ? lol
But sounds to me you prefer the alpha male type who leads the way
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 If you are unsure of his sexuality then you should do one of two things; One...Ask him right out! or B. find someone else. Otherwise, the outcome will result in something Very traumatic for both of you.
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (8 August 2014):
 It sounds like you're pretty early in this relationship, so I think your best bet is to give it some time. Find out a bit more about him and while it may be a bit awkward asking him whether he has had sex, at some point, if the relationship progresses, you'll have your answer. Assuming at some point you want to have sex with him, you'll know whether he's interested in sex with you which I think is what you really want to know.
It may be that he is just a bit more effeminate that you're used to or it may be something else. I think that you don't really have enough information right now to know. I do think that you are worried for a reason and that you should listen to those feelings and to be careful and prepare yourself for whatever you might find out about him. If he's gay, you should try to be prepared and if he's not, you should try to be prepared for that too.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (8 August 2014):
 Have you ever heard of a metro-sexual man? A metro-sexual man is a man who enjoys similar things to what women do and has the same kind of stereotype as a gay man.
However even though they have the same interests as gay men and women, they are infact straight.
He might just be more in touch with his feminine side, there are a lot of men out there like that, and maybe the reason why he hasn't had many girlfriends is because woman find it hard to be attracted to him due to him acting camp.
I have a friend who has the exact same problem, and he is 100% straight.
The one thing I don't get is why a 37 year old man would be afriad of coming out, or announcing they are gay, also why would he go on a date with you if he was gay? It doesn't make sense, and for that reason I doubt he is gay, just different.
At the end of it, it shouldn't matter what he is, if you are looking for a relationship and you don't like the way he acts because he might appear as too feminine, then don't go on anymore dates on him and tell him he isn't your type or you'd like to remain as friends :)
Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): So because he's nice, respects you, and has a high voice, you assume he's gay? I'm sorry, but I find that irritating. You know, people think the same of my husband, who is a lot like what you described. He even gets mistaken on the phone as a woman sometimes, because of his higher voice. He just happens to have a high voice. He is also VERY attracted to me. He was the same way as your guy about keeping his hands to himself during our first MONTH of dating. I found it a breath of fresh air.
I absolutely HATE it when people (specifically women) think he must be gay because he doesn't respond to their advances, when all it means is he's a respectable guy who doesn't want every pretty woman he sees. Your guy is simply into monogamy, NOT other men.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 August 2014):
 Arrrgh! This is so frustrating! Gay men like men. Manly men!
Being effeminate is another thing. It might turn you off, you haven't decided that.
Being asexual is another thing, just as hard to deal with as homosexual.
Being courteous is another thing. You seem to like that.
He is what he is. Your job is to find out what that is and if you like it.
FA
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