A
male
age
22-25,
*orge
writes:Hey people of DC, Forge is back again... with more high school "fun." Ready to help?The issue is Homecoming. By far the biggest school event I've been to. The dance, pep rally, football game, you know, eventful stuff.I have time on this, thank goodness. My issue, is that I need someone to go with, and I know a few people who I am dying to go with, and they potentially may want to go with me. Or not. That's what I'm here to figure out, is who would be the best bet. I'm sure that sounds a bit shortsighted, but this isn't just a date to the dance. I'm also considering dating these girls, as I've fallen head over heels for them. Yay, high school! -,-Now, I know very little about this event. Never been to one, never seen one, only heard about them I'm movies or tv. I'm a sophomore, and in my district, I'm at the bottom of the food chain. The freshmen are in a different school.Okay, now to jump into this!I've said this before, I'll say it again. I'm not the most attractive guy alive. Sure, I got my perks, but I'm in the middle of the list. Although, I'm a gentleman, as I like to think, as well as being told that by many other girls and my family members. I've got good qualities for a guy. I'm smart, funny, and usually very easy to get along with. To me, it isn't just looks. If your personality fits my style, then you're cool with me.(Every passing second, I feel like this is getting more and more shortsighted. Don't take it that way, I'm stressed, and anxious. Sorry.)(1) The first girl, we'll call her... Si. I've known her for about 3 years, almost 4. We talk a lot, hang out at school. We don't text each other, or call, because she gave me her number and I texted and never got a response... that was last year. But we're friends, no doubt about that. I want to take her to homecoming because she's kind of nerdy, like me, sure as hell is nice, and we have some things in common. Only recently have I wanted to date her, and almost asked her to homecoming today, but wussed out. I really do like her, but there's a few others.(2)Next, we'll call her Br. She has about the same rep as Si, but one less year of knowing her. We have a little in common, but we're good together in a group. Not to mention it doesn't make much to make one another laugh, which is always nice. She's not as nerdy, but she is still super cool. Ever since I met her, I've thought about dating her, and I wasn't the only one. Several other guys have gone after her, and she's turned them down. I haven't asked her once, or even brought it up. We're pretty good friends.(3) Next, we'll call her La. Her and I have a bit of background together as friends. In elementary school, 1st to 4th grade, we were awesome friends. Walked home or rode bikes together, talked a lot to one another, and stayed out of trouble. I never thought of her as more than a friend. In 4th grade, she moved. I was sad, because we honestly were best friends. In 9th grade, she showed up in the middle of the year at my school. I was unsure if it was the same girl. We rarely talked, and only smiled at each other in the halls if we passed each other. A friend told me she thought I was "intimidating." Which is ridiculous because I'm about as intimidating as a grasshopper. Maybe.It's 10th grade now, and we've sort of reacquainted, we have said less than 100 words to each other, but we are friends again. It'll take some time to rekindle this friendship. And that's where I have a problem. I like her now... I LIKE her now. I want to say something, but I'm freaking out over it, since we haven't said very much to one another.. yet.(4)Next in line, is Sh. I hardly know her, but she's beautiful, and by far one of the coolest girls I've met. She has a "skater chick" vibe to her, that I find really attractive, since I'm a skater guy. We aren't really friends... we're acquaintances, I'd say. We talk a few words, laugh at each other's jokes, and that's it. She's laid back, and really chill, not to mention pretty cute, I'd say. Not exactly in a sexually attracting way, and you may have to think on that statement. She doesn't ignore me, we know each other's names, we're familiar with each other.(5)Last is Da. I kind of know her. We didn't talk too much in 9th grade, but this year, we're hitting it off like baseball players. In a matter of minutes, we've become awesome friends. For some reason, during a class a few days ago, something just "clicked" for me with her. Suddenly, she seemed much more attractive, and a lot cooler than I had viewed her before. She doesn't really get asked out much, if at all. But we're really good friends, I guarantee it. Something with her is different. Almost surreal. When I'm around her, I'm me. Not the me that tries to act all tough or macho. Just, me. I feel like I have the best chance with her, but those other girls are seriously scrambling my brain into the corners of the world.I don't know what to do, and I'm here asking to solidify a plan. Maybe not the best place, but I need the help. Remember, these are the girls I like, and not just for looks. I am considering dating one of these girls, AND taking them to homecoming. If anyone has experience with homecoming dances and pep rallies, I'd like your advice too.Your support is helpful, Aunts and Uncles! Write away, and help a guy in need!"Think deeply of your choices... they could determine the outcome of all other choices beyond them"-Førg€
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male
reader, Forge +, writes (30 August 2014):
Forge is verified as being by the original poster of the question Alright, thank you all so much with this. My latest question is more or less a follow up. Check it out, help me a bit if you can.
FA, you have been of great help to me on my questions, and for that, I am grateful.
I've found another girl, not a day after posting this, and she takes the cake. That's what my next post is about.
-Førg€
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 August 2014):
 I seem to be a little on the other side of the fence from most of the advice so I think a bit of clarification is in order, and Should be helpful for Forge. Back when I rode my dinosaur to school. Dating was going out with girls and getting to know them better. It was not a sign of being committed to a "relationship". There was no stigma attached to dating one girl one weekend and dating another the next weekend or even the next day. I think I understand that that kind of interaction is now called Hanging out.
What I am encouraging Forge to do is to get together with 2 or three other guys and an equal number of girls and go together to the pep rally, game and dance. There might also be an inexpensive meal or picnic involved. I believe this will be a good way to get to know one girl better as well as meet other girls and build friendships.
What I have also encouraged Forge to do is to go on small inexpensive outings with many other girls. This is just as important so that no one will be justified in thinking that he is in an exclusive committed relationship that we can be pretty sure he is not ready for.
I do realize that many of his peers will jump to the wrong conclusion. Even the girl he invites to "hang out" at homecoming with him, may assume more than is intended.
FA
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2014):
 Hi Forge, first of all... are you sure you want to / need to date ? what's your rush ?
You are only 15 or 16, dating at your age is futile ( and a bit rididcolous ) at best; emotionally damaging and drama laden at worst. If it should get to involve being sexually active- it is also dangerous, plenty of space for very bad misshaps.
Now, I would understand if you had a big huge massive crush on ONE girl- probably it would not be the true love of your life, but surely it would FEEL like that, and you'd feel compelled to act on it.
But, if you like 5 ( and maybe more ) different girls- you are just being a normal, hormonal kid your age, (nothing wrong with that, obviously )- which does not make you per se good and ready for handling a relationship.
Wouldn't it be best to hang out with different girls and just be friends and delay the romantic involvements still for a while ?...
Said that- my favourite candidate is girl No. 5, Da. Why ? because when you are with her you can feel just yourself, knowing that she " gets " you anyway. Ahhhh... how relaxing. Not that I agree with " having " to wear a macho or though persona to impress girls anyway, I think this is silly, and that you always should be yourself... only , with some people it is easier, you feel more accepted, you feel there's never any need to explain, defend, justify or illustrate your personal quirks , odds or peculiarites. That sounds good.
Also, tbh, because she does not get asked out very often, - there's not much of a competition. So it is more probable she'd say yes, if nothing else , for the novelty, for a change from routine. You aren't an old hand at dating and asking girls out, so you may want to make things easier for yourself.
Important point : not that rejection is so terrible. everybody needs to learn to deal with rejection without freaking out, rejection is just a fact of life, it does not mean you are worthless. So, if it happens, rather than making tragedies, one has to dust himself off, and try again. At the same time, I don't think there's anything wrong if a not too cocksure guy wants to follow the path of least resistence and maximize his odds for success.
Well, good luck and let us know the developments.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 August 2014):
Honestly Forge, you have got this all wrong. Your best bet for homecoming is to ask the girl out that you have had a few friendly dates with. Since you have neglected to man up and buy some ice cream with any of these gals all summer you are in no position to commit one of them to a big expensive thing like Homecoming.
The good news is this seems to be the pattern for your generation so whoever you ask will not be offended and will be very happy for the offer.
So a quick run down.
Si is your most compatible pick but she has a few fed flags that are saying her interest are elsewhere this week.
Br is a great pick if you are putting together a big group date (highly recommended and much more fun) There is a spooky bit where she has turned down several offers. If you ask he make sure she knows first that it is a big group, that is going to give you the best chance at clearing that barrier whatever it is. (might pay to give her dad a call and see if there is a home rule you need to know about)
La, well this might be just the thing to break the ice. I think you should start smaller with her.
Sh is also a good choice for a homecoming date with a group. She needs a low pressure setting to get to know you. Don't ask her if you are planing a solo party. it will be awkward.
Da is a top pick because you have momentum on your side her interest in you is peaking. Her recent attentiveness may very well be her campaign for this event. That could go either way for you but the ride will be worth it.
you are right to solidify your plans now. First find your wingmen 2 or three other guys to put together a group date. second make sure you don't ask girls that have any bitter rivalries. Then make your pick and do a nice invitation.
Pep Rally advice. I know this seems obvious but you will forget it so . . . . Bring a big blanket. Also take it to the game.
FA
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 Isn't the Homecoming at the end of the year?
Relax!
You have plenty of time to choose which girl. If you pick one now and only pay attention to her then you risk it backfiring on you. Just because you like these young ladies doesn't mean they have to return the favor. Spend time with all of them and work on getting to know them.
At the end pick the lady who you think likes you the best. Until then don't worry too much about it!
Focus more on your grades and what you want to do AFTER high school! It doesn't last forever!
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A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 I'm from the Uk which means I don't understand the whole 'Homecoming' thing you guys have out there. However I think I can help you out with your dilemma. The fact that you have mixed emotions about five girls seems like your not ready to date anyone of them. If you got into a relationship with any of these girls you'd always be comparing them against the other four, which would be really unfair on the girl you choose. Whenever my friends couldn't choose between two guys I'd always give them the this same advise, to not talk to them for a few days and see which one they missed the most, at the end of the day it all comes down to feelings not what they do. By the sound of it you already know which girl you want to take with you (Girl number 5) Da. But I can understand why you're worried. You're worried that she will turn you down or she might not be what you thought she was... if this is the case then ask yourself "What do I have to loose?" If she turns you down the only thing that will happen is that you need to think of someone else (which you already have a large list of girls you want to ask) and your pride may be a little hurt. My advice is to ask her, away from her friends and privately, if she turns you down and you ask one of the other girls then they'd hate the feeling of only being second, third, fourth or fifth choice which will end up with you not going with any. Good Luck Sweet Dreamer xxx
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A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis +, writes (28 August 2014):
 The only thing I will say about the dance is ask the one you like most.The rest is about before you even started talking about them in detail. Forge, you need to stop rushing yourself with dating. Falling for multiple girls at once is normal, but it also means you're not ready to date. You can't consider dating all three because it means you don't like one enough for them to be your obvious decision. It's like you're hedging your bets and if one says no, you have back ups. For the dance, back ups are okay, but not for dating; the girls would know they were second/third best. So if you like one more than the others, ask her to the dance and, if it goes well, you can ask her out - but that's it. If one says no to the dance, ask another one, but don't ask her out because you didn't like her the most and she will find out.If you have fallen for more than one person, you don't like either enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): I would pick number 2 and be quick about it. The more time you spend thinking the more time other guys have to swoop in and get there first. You don't want to go alone.
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