A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have being dating for 8 months now.What do I do? I can't afford to give him anymore money:(So my boyfriend is having finical problems at the moment and I've helped him. He works but he doesn't save for a rainy day. He's buying a house and he put ALL of his money into that house.I recently lost my job but I saved up when I was working and I'm staying positive and have been looking for a new job.But it is like the more I give him the money the more he needs it. He doesn't ask me but when he tells me about his problem I can't not help him.He's going away for 2 months and he wants to rent a room when he can stay with his friends or cousin. They won't mind, he's stayed there before but he says he doesn't want to impose and he wants his own privacy.But he doesn't have the money for it. and he said he knows I will help him.I've given him quite a bit of money. I have bills and stuff to pay and buy.He hasn't asked any of his friends to help. His roommate says I'm a very special girl and he should treat me right cause girls like me are so rare.What do I do?
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female
reader, peteloevely +, writes (3 February 2014):
 until you are married only invest on things that will benefit you as well.- if you pay for holidays, make sure you are going too.- if you pay for food, make sure you are eating it too.- if you pay for rent make sure you live there too.you get the picture.other ways you are just been hassled. i know because i been in your situation ( not quiet but similar ) i was helping this guy out, because i felt sorry for him, he seem like he was trying to get his life together and he came across as been financially naive, so i though i help him, what i meant by help was, taking him on holidays he could not afford on his salary, doing the weekly shopping now and again and taking him out for dinner, as well as helping him update his c'v to find a better job, learn how to interview, buy him a suit...etc i even game him money to pay a long distance course because he claimed he wanted to better his prospect of finding a good paid job... well he actually spent the money on an video game, 6 grand down the drain.people don't see things like you do, you might look at his situation and think if i was him i wouldn't do things the way he is, you can see exactly what he is mistakes are so you tell your self, he just needs someone to point it out to him, i will help him get it together so he can do better for him self, ( teach a man to fish aih) but trust me darling he is got other plans for the money you give him, he is living the big fat life at your expense.seems too me like me you have good intentions, but your bf does not see it that way! you are a cash cow, feels he wan the lotto with you and is milking it for all he can, prob brags about it too... he is not longer asking for essential things like food, or a bill now an again, he is talking about holidays! ain't that some tosh..."how come someone that is doing so bad can afford holidays? think about it, he can't afford the room but he can afford to stay away for 2 months? and you are not going? how come you are paying for it? i am not been mean but i guarantee you he does not feel lucky he found a good girl like you, he prob is proud he found a mug! because you are been one trust me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2014): He expects you to pay for him to have a room for TWO MONTHS because he wants his privacy? That can't be right, surely? If he's working and broke, how can he afford to go away for 2 months?! Even if it's 2 weeks, or 2 days, you shouldn't pay a single penny. Him wanting his privacy while on holiday is not a financial emergency. Even if he had a financial emergency, that would not be your responsibility. You are not his wife, or his parents.
It really doesn't bode well to get attached to someone who can't manage their finances.
Put your foot down and keep your purse closed. If he doesn't like it, you'll soon discover how committed he is to the relationship.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 February 2014):
 If he has a house he has bought then that's his savings, he has put his money into his home.
As he has a room mate then he must be,I assume, getting rent off him so has his own wages plus rent coming in.
DO NOT give him money, you may need it yourself if your out of work longer than you expect to be. Its for your rainy day not his expenses.
If he wants to go away for 2 months he will have to pay for it all himself, it really is not your problem.
You have been dating only 8 short months your being used already at this early stage in the relationship.
Dump him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Sorry, did you tell him these were LOANS or did you GIVE him the money?
If it's the first DO NOT lend him anymore till he has paid you back. Make a payment plan with him to pay you back.
IF it's the second -then you NEED to stop. You are WASTING your saving on him. HE HAS A JOB and CHOOSES to not save up and MY guess is that once he found out that YOU can't say NO when he asks for money.. He will TREAT you like an ATM, once you start saying no, he might get mad.
And SERIOUSLY, ARE you paying to he can have PRIVACY on HIS vacation? You aren't EVEN invited? WTH? IF HE can't afford to BUY his own PRIVACY why should YOU pay for that? That is ridiculous!
STOP offering and STOP saying: " SURE you can have some money."
I'm sure you are a sweet girl but this guy is using you financially. Seriously what kind of person let's his GF pay for things like that? He even has no shame.. And I quote you:
"But he doesn't have the money for it. and he said he knows I will help him."
Yes he KNOWS you can't say no. That is just taking FULL on advantage of you.
What happens when you run out of saving and having found a new job? How are YOU going to pay YOUR bill? It's not like HE can help you, is it?
Stop being SO willing to please your man that you SCREW yourself over.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 February 2014):
 For goodness sake, STOP giving him money! It was HIS choice to put all his money into buying a house without budgeting for his everyday expenses.
And now the poor baby wants to have a vacation with his friends? Aaah. Well, you give him a nice big surprise - and DON'T foot the bill! If he pouts or quarrels, then, as the saying goes, so sad, too bad.
Maybe you should seriously think about giving him the boot. He's using you!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Stop giving him money! He is in debt and mooching off his gf and now he wants you to help him pay for his VACATION? Are you kidding me?! This guy is taking you for all he can. You are not obligated to help him. He got himself into this mess, he should get himself out. Pay your own bills and let him pay his.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 February 2014):
You're being mugged. It seems to me that you're basically funding his lifestyle. I'll be some of that money you've lent him has gone into his house, and I'll be your name won't be on the mortgage.
Seems to me that you're just being mugged. I'd get rid.
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