A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i am in a relation with my boy friend for about 6 years. We met in in college .He had an affair with my friend while we were together i came to know about that and told him i was disappointed because i believed him a lot, he said that he made a mistake and it would not happen again. But i seem to have lost trust in him he has always been nice to me we have had very good times together . I am too afraid that he will cheat on me again. I love him a lot we take good care of each other and respect each other all his friends and relatives know me . I dont know what to do this is too difficult for me to overcome. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): Thanks to all! You guys are right I need focus on myself right now that i have given too much for this relationship. Hearty thanks to all !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): Thanks to all. I think you guys are right. I should take a break and think for myself. I have been too held up with this relationship its time i give time for mysel . Hearty thanks to all
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): i had the same problem before 2 year ago i dated a guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. when i found out that he cheated on me i was so angry and crushed in the inside but i was stupid and forgive the guy WORSE MISTAKE EVER! because a couple weeks later he cheated on me again thats when i had the last straw and ended up breaking up with him even thought i did hurt myself. and yes i had amazing times with him but honestly i deserved better and i got better now im dating a new guy because i moved on.
its true what they say once a guy cheats its going keep happening but not all guys are the same if you feel that he is honestly not going do it again forgive him and trust him again remember trust in the number 1 rule in a relationship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): He cheated with your Friend?? Stone cold sober as well?? ( nt like drunk is ok just more excusable as people are just mad when they're impaired right?) I'm sorry we all make mistakes but he must know how much cheating on you with your FRIEND would break you? He either has no integrity or is completely emotionally stunted.Either way he's a s***. You gave him SO much of your trust and he kicked the s**t out of it! He doesn't deserve anymore! How much can you even afford to give in your already damaged state?? It's time to give yourself a break and listen to your head, not your heart, because you'll be setting yourself up for disaster if you stick around..leave him to it, and focus on dedicating your time and emotion to healing yourself... I think get some therapy for your trust issues, as they'll get in the way of emotional growth.Good luck and take care! :) xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): You're not obligated to forgive that. I would leave him. I've left for less.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (18 September 2013):
When you hurt someone by cheating on them, at the very least you owe them honesty and a chance to heal. If I was you I'd tell your boyfriend that you can't move on if he's not willing to come clean with you. If he doesn't care enough about you to do that, why would you want to be with him any more?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 September 2013):
 IF you dump this creep, THEN you won't have to spend any time/mental energy worrying about whether or not he will back-pedal and have yet another fling with your BFF.... or any other girl!!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): Unfortunately i did not get him to open up he did not want to open up i tried though. He does not drink i am really confused of what i should do. It happened about 1year back i am not sure if he has cheated me again . What should i do ? Please help.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 September 2013):
 How long ago was it that your bf cheated? You spoke to him and let him know how disappointed you were that he would do such a thing.
He then told you he made a mistake and it wouldn't happen again. Do you think he would have admitted his "mistake" if you hadn't come to know about it?
Has he given you ANY reason since you confronted him to think that he isn't to be trusted?
If you can, you need to discern if your lack of trust is feasible or not......
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 September 2013):
You have trust issues for a good reason. In my opinion, if someone cheats, if you don't address the problem it will happen again.
So first you have to get him to open up about why it happened.
Was he drunk? Maybe his judgement while drinking isn't good enough to drink without you.
Was he doing it for the excitement? Maybe you need to find ways of spicing up your love life.
Was he doing it because issues in your relationship have made him feel lonely/neglected/insecure? If so than those feelings have to be addressed.
Or, was he simply doing it because he's selfish and values his immediate desires over your relationship? If that's the case then there may be nothing you can do to avoid this from happening again.
The moral is that there's usually a reason people cheat. That doesn't mean it's fixable or its your fault or he wasn't wrong for doing it. It just means that if you want to trust him again you have to figure out why it happened and see what you can do to prevent it from happening again. Or, if that doesn't seem fair or possible, maybe you need to leave him so you can forget the past.
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