A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and in year 13 at school, I've had a crush on a member of staff that works at the school, however he's not my teacher, he just works in the school as a social helper, he's about 22 I think and we do talk quite a lot. I'm not sure on what to do next as Im leaving for uni this year, should I try and get in touch afterwards if I think something is there, or is it a lost cause?
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (10 October 2013):
 OP: If you don't plan to get in touch with him until you're out of school, why are you concerned as to whetherhesd a "social Helper" part time or not??
It's not relevant. However, it's good that you don't plan to get in touch until such time as you've been out of school for at least a year.......
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 October 2013):
 So is this his career or just a volunteer job?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's like someone who comes in to school some days to help the less able students with things like reading etc.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 October 2013):
I don't know what a 'social helper' is in a UK school? Can the OP or someone enlighten me?
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A
female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (8 October 2013):
Take down his email and phone number and call him when you're no longer a student of that school. Simples.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! Oh don't worry, I know the consequences, I wouldn't at all try something while I was still a student there, I'm almost 18 and going to uni soon so I may get in touch in a year or so, thanks again.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 October 2013):
 There are strict rules for ANYONE that works in a school (my partner is a teacher so I am quite up to speed on this) - teachers, support staff, cleaners...you name it, any adult that steps into a school has to pass something called a CRB check (its a criminal record check) which ensures these people are not linked to any crimes that involve children.
All students that are in the school are classed as 'children', even if you are over the legal age of consent for sex (16 in the UK). Until you turn 18 you are deemed a minor in the eyes of the school and any adult working at the school (i.e. gets paid money from the school to be there) is in a position of responsibility to ensure the best welfare for the children in that school.
So until you leave the school, he would be committing a crime if he had any kind of relationship with you, if anyone found out it would go on his criminal record so in future he would fail a CRB check and never get a job working with children again.
So you know what you need to do - wait until you have left school then you can get in touch if you want. But if you try anything before you leave school you run the risk of him losing his job, getting a criminal record, going to prison....if you care about the guy you wouldnt do that to him right?
Leave it alone for now, if you still feel the same in a year or so's time then get in touch - but dont risk his life like this right now, its just not worth it for the sake of a crush.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, I completely agree.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): I wouldn't say anything...if you were over 18 at least it would be legal, but even then it would be inappropriate. You could say something if the two of you are still in touch after you graduate, but you'll be going off to college soon and there will be so many other guys there to meet, and plenty of time for you to enjoy being single, spending time with your friends, focusing on your studies, etc. So, I wouldn't say anything at all...but it is up to you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 October 2013):
You're not sure what to do next? The answer is very simple: you don't do anything. It wouldn't be appropriate.
As Honeypie so rightly points out, this man is there to work and to help students, NOT to date them.
In addition there is quite a large age gap between you and him. If you were older, and not in school the age gap might not be a big deal. As things now stand, he's most likely more interested in women his own age.
I wouldn't put too much stock in the fact that he talks to you a lot. He probably wants to encourage you in your studies and to see you do well - that's part of his job.
On the other hand, when you leave school and have either finished your university courses, or are a year or so into them, if THEN you decide to contact him, that would be fine.
Bear in mind, though, that you may well meet other guys at uni who will interest you just as much......thing is to focus on your studies - having fun comes second!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 October 2013):
 No you shouldn't. He isn't there to date but to work, and HELP student.
If you contact him AFTER you leave school it is a whole other ball game.
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