A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel really pathetic writing this as I'm in my mid 30's, engaged and have developed a huge crush on my dentist!Please nobody judge as I'm not going to do anything but I do need advice.I have had to have some work done on my teeth which requires regular visits and my usual dentist is on maternity leave so I'm dealing with somebody new. From the 1st time I saw him my heart literally skipped a beat and I felt myself go red. I'm also usually a nervous wreck when it comes to having dental work done but he put me at ease immediately that I'm actually enjoying my visits and will feel gutted when my treatment stops.I know everyone gets a crush but this feels different. It's like I've known him for years (despite only knowing him 5 months). I thought my feelings for him would have subsided by now but they have got worse. I even called my fiancé by the dentists name - luckily he didn't hear me!He's much older than me too- in fact not my usual type but I can't get him out of my head. He also, on my last visit said after i made a joke about something "well its nice to start a miserable Monday morning with such entertainment, this has made my day!"Do I need to read anything in to this?? Is it possible he likes me too? How would I know?He doesn't wear a wedding ring (I know he may be married but I have no idea).Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2013): Hypothetically, suppose you take things with this dentist chap (who you know next to nothing about) to the next level. Suppose furthermore that you two love birds even hit it off. Great! Now you just have to leave your fiance. But that will be easy right? You just need to explain to him how you make the dentist's Monday mornings more bearable, and hence you are destined to be with the dentist instead.Flash forward a year: now you and the dentist are engaged. But hold on...now you are crushing hard on your GP because the GP told you his Tuesday mornings are regularly improved by your presence. I suppose it's time to trade in the old for the new again...I think you can see where I'm going with this. Your married life will be full of temptation. There will be plenty of gentleman around who will laugh at your jokes, who will put you at ease when you are nervous, and who will also make your heart race and your cheeks blush. That doesn't mean you need to date them or drop your current love for them.If you want to get married, you need to learn to focus your energies on your one and only and not get distracted by all the eye candy out there.If you don't think you can do this, then you may not be the marrying type.Some things to think about!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): In the UK dentists aren't bound by a code in the same way that doctors are. Dentists can date their patients but it's frowned upon.
As for the lack of a wedding ring, we aren't supposed to wear jewellery of any kind on our hands/wrists for cross infection reasons. So I wouldn't read too much into this.
I think it's just a crush, you may even be having second thoughts/worries about getting married and you're deflecting them into a crush. I wouldn't do anything about your crush, but I would examine exactly how you feel about your fiancé.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (21 October 2013):
 You're in your 30s and engaged. Maybe this crush is a sign that you aren't really ready to get married, you're allowing yourself to succumb to a crush because you fear getting married.
Maybe you're unconsciously trying to sabotage your engagement.
Maybe the multiple treatments are scaring you so much you need to create a mental distraction and have decided to have a crush on the dentist. (what on earth are you having done to your teeth that require such regular visits? I see mine once a year max unless I need a crown which then sets it to twice in a year.)
Why don't you break up with your fiancee and wait till your regular dentist returns and then ask him out?
Oh right, you're not going to do that.
Or are you?
No?
Then it's just a crush. Maybe your fear response is so out of whack that you need to have a crush on the dentist in order to survive the multiple visits.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 October 2013):
 You're engaged and thus unavailable. What does it matter whether or not your "read anything into this? Or whether he likes you?
You're his patient; he's doing his job and if you just happened to make his Monday morning entertained, so what? It's just a crush, for heavens sake!
Enjoy it and don't try to make a "castle in the air" out of it!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 October 2013):
So if you're not going to do anything, then what does it matter if he likes you too? And if you're not going to do anything, what does it matter if he's married?
It's okay to have a crush on someone, just because you're engaged doesn't mean that you all of a sudden find other men unattractive. BUT trying to read into a comment as to whether or not he likes you and trying to figure out if he's married is a bit much.
So the next question is, what advice do you need? Because it just seems like you want us to figure out for you if we think he likes you back or not. If that's the case, then who knows? If you want to know what you should do, just decide to move on, because is it really worth ruining your engagement over a crush on your dentist?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): You're engaged!!! Get a new dentist. You don't need the temptation or distraction in your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2013): You're a grown adult woman so expect you know the answers to your questions....
Crushes are common well into adult life. Doctors and dentists (as well as others) are frequent targets for crushes as the best ones generally have excellent people skills and can make people feel comfortable - it's called having a good bedside manner.
You feel that the comment about "making his day" is laden with meaning that he might be reciprocating your feelings but it isn't. That's just how YOU feel because you fancy him. To me it sounds like a generally pleasant comment that he might make to the next patient that tells him a joke.
Just to let you know .... dentists are bound by a code of professional conduct which will include agreeing not to have personal and/or romantic relationships with their clients so even he he fancies you back his hands are tied. You might think "who cares - we're both adults" but think that if anybody found out (your husband, his partner or any of his co-corkers) all it would take is one telephone call to the General Medical Council to have him facing being struck off the medical register. This wouldn't mean him just losing his job but his whole career as he wouldn't be able to practice as a dentist again.
Enjoy your crush and enjoy your fantasies but keep them where they belong - in your head.
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