| A ,
anonymous
writes: Six months ago my girlfriend broke up with me for the second time in our 3 and half year relationship.We were very good friends for about a year before we got together, but neither of us ever thought about each other in any other way apart from "friends", then her father passed away and I remember feeling so upset and worried, for her, more so than i have with any of my other friends (two of my friends have lost one of their parent's in the past), the question then was 'do i have more feelings for her than just being friends', i quickly put these thoughts in the back of my head and put it down to being very, very close friends. About three months had passed and my feelings started to change even more, but i thought there is no way she would feel the same and, with her dad passing away so soon, it might not be a good idea to even think of taking our relationship any further so I carried on as normal just as friends. My friends then started to notice that I was spending alot of time with her (which was obvious, and I later found out her friends had also noticed), so with the constant banter from them sugesting that I should just go for it, I decided one night that even though it might be difficult, I would let her know how I was feeling.That evening we were at a night club, dancing away and I just looked at her, she looked at me, no words were said, we just kissed, and the rest was history.The first year was great, apart from the standard relationshippy arguments, but nothing that either of us could not talk about and sort out. (I still can not stay angry with her no matter what she does, for longer than a few hours, it's really really anoying!!!!!).The second year she decided to go away and study for nine months, which at first I thought I would be fine with, but it turns out I didn't handle it very well. I was very distant on the phone with her, as she was in London (a place I don't particually like) I was reluctant to go visit her (I only went a few times in these nine months), but that time a part took it's toll on our relationship, and things were never the same when her studies had finished. About a year after she had finished her course, she told me she didn't love me anymore, so we broke up, but we still kept in contact. Then the night of my works christmas party I took a ex work colleague (female) with me, just as a friends as she did not want to go. She was fine with this, or so she said.The night after she text me and said "I couldn't sleep last night with the thought of you being with another girl" I told her we were just friends, and nothing was going on. From then on we started to see alot of each other, and started sleeping with each other, but she still did not want to get back with me.This went on for about a month, until we eventually got back together, eveything seemed fine, and then out of the blue about six months ago she told me she still doesn't love me and we broke up again.This time we didn't see each other for about a month, and within this period I had a one night stand with another girl. I don't know why i felt guilty, but I did so I told her about this, which she inturn told me she had snogged someone else, she said she was fine with what I had done and was happy that I was moving on.The weekend after our 'confessions' I saw her out clubbing, and as I was on the dance floor she came over and danced with me, and said "I can't beleive you've slept with somonelse, and I really wanted you to stay with me tonight"!!!, we were both drunk and I ended up going back to her place, but half way through the night she told me that me being there was too weird, and that she felt cheap because of what I'd done, so I left. Nothing was really said about this incident after, and we started seeing more & more of each other.Then she hit a really bad patch at work that almost made her quit, but the only person that she could really talk too was me, so I comforted her and she thanked me for helping her out.We then started sleeping with each other again but with no commitment for about three months, with me occasionally questioning what are we doing?, is this going to lead anywhere etc etc? and she continued to tell me that she really does not know.The last few weeks I've asked the questions more and more, and again she gave me the same answer. We stopped sleeping with each other during this time, but on new's year's day she told she did want to be friends anymore, and that we should not have any contact.My dilema is that with everything that has happened to us I can't decide whether to give her the space she needs, keep on fighting or just except that it is finally over.Please help!Thanks, M
View related questions:
at work, broke up, cheap, christmas, clubbing, drunk, ex girlfriend, got back together, one night stand, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Hey - you da man! You get to bone this chick without her whining on about any commitment.
My advice is this: do as she says and cool off your relationship. But make sure you go out with as many hot babes as possible in places where she will see you. She will get jealous of the attention you are getting, and eventually fall back into your arms. Then you get even more action. Maybe even try and get a threesome out of it.
Respect, out.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 January 2005):
 Hi M,Cross your fingers, squeeze your eyes shut tight and make a wish; maybe you'll find that it's finally over.From your description, except for the occasional forays into the sexual arena, this relationship has been a train wreck or wasted time and effort. This woman has problems that you can't solve, not even by being the sweetest, most patient man in world. You keep waiting around for her, treating her like she's the only woman on earth, and she keeps breaking up with you, only to have you back on her terms.Why do you put up with it?You've been making all the compromises since you met, even when she's broken up with you and told you first, that she doesn't love you any more and second, that she doesn't even want to be friends.Seriously, M, from my standpoint you're being done like a dinner. You've wasted years on this woman and she clearly doesn't know what she wants.I promise you, there are lots of other women out there who would enjoy your company and compassion and affections. Ones who wouldn't treat you in this awful, unpredictable and heartbreaking way. You only have to unload this waste of your time and start looking. Ignore this one parcel of trouble and take her at her word: she doesn't love you, she doesn't want to have any contact. Consider yourself blessed to be free of the mixed messages and constant come-hither/go away. Don't take her calls, don't let her back into your life and start looking around for someone who deserves your attention.Don't you want to be happy someday, with someone who is really actually capable of loving you? That should be your aim, not being somebody's "back up" man, just because she's alienated everyone else in her life.
...............................
|
