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anonymous
writes: I would really appreciate some advice. Last year on a Guy's trip to Dublin from the UK I met a fantastic Girl, we swopped Numbers and were in contact most days and would meet up at least once a month for over a year, The relationship was the most intense I've ever known, I've never loved anyone so much and have never been loved so much! We both knew we had met each others soulmate.There was just one big Problem, I was in a loveless marriage that I couldn't bring Myself to end. After a year My Girl from Dublin understandbly gave Me an ultimatum to leave My wife or to end our fantastic relationship, I took the cowards way out and said I couldn't end My marriage. We still kept in contact, she would text or email most days saying that Her world had collapsed and that she was lost without Me, I was too and pined so much for Her. One morning she rang to say she had actually Met someone else, I was devastated but thought it was probably for the best, but within Days she was texting saying that it was Me she really wanted and that He was nothing like Me. After 6 weeks I realised I couldn't be without Her, after she rang in tears begging Me to leave My wife, that weekend I did. I rang My Girlfriend after the weekend but was horrified when she said she was going to give it a go with her new guy! I tried desperately through the summer to win her back but to no avail, in the end she told Me she didn't want anymore contact with Me so I respected Her wishes. After 8 weeks of no contact I started getting the odd text every two or three weeks asking if I was ok, then recently one that said she was thinking of Me and that she loved Me and knows we are still soulmates! More recently she's started sending text's reminiscing, such as saying "this day last year we together in London", I love Her so much and would love to get back with Her, My question is would you contact your ex if you were trying to move on with someone new especially as she know's how I feel about her? Is she being friendly or testing the water to see If I still feel the same about Her? Is she really happy with her new guy? I would really appreciate your advice.Many Thanks, Liam
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 January 2005):
 Hi Liam,I see red flags. This woman doesn't know WHAT she wants. Or, if I were being uncharitable, I'd suggest that she does know, and what she wants is to yank your chain every few weeks, just to squeeze a few more declarations of love out of you.If we review your relationship, we see she started out with you, in spite of knowing you were married. She then demanded that you ditch your wife. When you wouldn't, she left. All OK so far.But then when she knew that you wouldn't leave your wife, she kept in contact, saying how devastated she was. Why? To make you feel awful? She'd given you her ultimatum and you made your choice, but she wanted to punish you for rejecting her. Then she rang you to tell you that she'd met someone else! What on earth for? Since you two were no longer a couple, why would she feel compelled to give you the news headlines on her love-life? Why, to punish you again... because you wouldn't leave your wife, presumably.Then she does another 180-degree turn, saying Mr New doesn't hold a candle to you. (This is where she reels you in.) When you finally do decide to separate from your wife, she does a surprise 180 again. This time she DOESN'T want you. (Punishment.) Then, just 8 weeks later, she's fooling around on the side...again.... claiming she wants you... again... (Reeling you in.)If she keeps to her established pattern, she's due to reject you again in six to eight weeks, so you might just avoid the shock and heartbreak by waiting it out.Honestly, I'm not making light of this relationship that you regard so highly, Liam, but I want you to see it from an objective angle. This woman may or may not be your soulmate, but I can tell you without batting an eye that she's been screwing with your mind from Day One, and that's not the kind of behaviour I'd list in my Top Ten Soulmate Traits. If you want a life based on the I-love-you, I-love-you-not merry-go-round for the foreseeable future, then rush back to this ex-girlfriend and tell her that you're all hers.She sounds like she has power issues that would choke an elephant, and her past history - playing around with a married man, dashing off to another boyfriend, then playing around on the boyfriend - gives me every reason to doubt that she can stay faithful to you. Or anyone.Somehow, I feel like you deserve better than this.Sorry.
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