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anonymous
writes: I am 28 and foolish.I was in a four year relationship when I went away (hols) and met a guy who I knew for a week.I quit my relationship.I didn't tell my friends why I was leaving but i moved to the US to live with the new guy, after a few weeks it didnt work out.I came home.I now want to get back with my partner and start again. Can I live with the secret forever? I can't tell him or my friends. Only two buddies know who I trust implicitly.I'm sure he would have me back, my family know what happened but would support my choice as they did before.I regret all of what has happened and have now realised that what I had a want back and the grass isn't always greener.I feel a fraud.Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 January 2005):
 Hi there,You might have quit the relationship in your own mind, but I suspect that your partner knew that something was amiss before you left and has a feeling for what went on. He may even suspect the details.You're clearly intelligent and self-aware enough to know that you won't be able to live with yourself until you confess it, so I'd do that sooner rather than later. No, you can't live with the lie for the rest of your life, and it wouldn't be fair to your ex to ask him to take you back (forever?) when you haven't even told him the details. He can't make an informed decision until he knows, so in effect, you'd be lying to him twice.When you do tell him, you'll have to be prepared for a lot of insecurity and trust issues to rear their ugly heads, and for being the most ideal partner to your ex that you can imagine. That's to be expected; he'll probably be feeling used. You'll be a long time proving your fidelity again.The alternative is not to go back to him, so if you're convinced that what you had is what you want, you're going to have to face the music.Good luck.
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