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anonymous
writes: What do I do? I am 27 years old and have been with the same boyfriend for 14 years. We do love each other & think we want to spend the rest of our life together but now another man has tried it on with me! After 2 years of inocent flirting, nothing happend but I really enjoyed it and can't stop thinking about it which makes me feel guilty. Plus he is only 17 years old (18 in a couple of months) but he looks and acts older.What makes it worse is they have been mates for about 4 yrs, should I ignore him even though he makes me feel on fire? I will probably see him on a regular basis so if I ignore him people will be suspicious.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Kathy, writes (4 February 2005): I am in a very similar situation, with 10 years of a relationship under my belt. Now married, and have fancied another guy for over 3 years, and it is mutual! So I guess this is more of a support rather than what to do...because I don't know either! All I can say is most relationships after a long period of time lose their passion, and your relationship becomes more than that, a strong partnership, a bond, that you would not want to give up for the world! However, this does not stop the heart and eyes wandering!! Be careful the real thing is never as good as the fantasy! This new guy is very young, and I agree that his hormones must be going wild...but due to this he is more likely to blab about what has been happening, what he wants to happen and if it does happen! Keep your fantasies in your head!! I have.....but it does drive me nuts!! probably no help at all to you, but I do understand how difficult it is!!! Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2005): I know its really hard when you start having feelings for someone else, you tell yourself that it's just flirting only. But for 2 years, thats a long time to be flirting w/ someone. I would say, the best thing to do, would be to confront this new guy and ask him what he wants and what his intentions really are? I think it would be best for you two to really talk things out and try to figure out what it is that you two both want from eachother, then draw the line from there. If its a fling that you want from him and you decide that maybe things could work out between the two of you, then you need to let your bf go, if its the bofriend you want to stay w/, then tell the other guy that it can't be possible! good luck and I hope things work out! Just be honest to yourself in what it really is that you want okay...
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (25 January 2005):
 I think you need to seriously consider what your relationship means to you. Are you perhaps bored? Can you do anything to spice it up? This is what is missing, otherwise you wouldn't be quite so attracted to someone else.If you do indulge in anything further than just flirting, the consequences could be pretty fatal in terms of your relationship. Think about whether you do want to loose your boy-friend. Do you? Also, try to think about if the boot was on the other foot. How would you feel if it was your boy-friend who was flirting with someone else and thinking about taking it further but being uncertain. Would you try everything to make sure he didn't do it? If you would, then that is what you must do. Try very hard to put your relationship back on the road to passionate recovery. Remind your boy-friend just how sexy you can be. Tempt him with a candlelit dinner, reassure him of your affections.Put this other guy to the back of your mind by employing your boy-friend to distract you.If you really find you cant put the fire back into your relationship, then maybe you need to consider calling it a day. Have a really good go first!Good luck.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 January 2005):
 Hi there,Ignoring the new boy isn't the answer, but you'll have to tone down what you think is "innocent flirting". Clearly, New Boy has a case for you and probably thinks that you're hot to strip him down, too. If you've been flirting with him since he was 15 or 16, then you've probably been starring in some major adolescent fantasies for quite a while, now. It's really no wonder at all that he's trying to see if you're interested in anything further. He may have convinced himself that you're tired of your bland old boyfriend and that you're ready for a younger man. There's every chance he's tied himself in erotic knots daydreaming about this hot older woman who's been coming on to him.So, now is the time to ask yourself why you've given this young lad the wrong idea. Harmless and occasional flirting is one thing, but you seem to have given New Boy a serious interest, so it wasn't as innocent as you've convinced yourself if was. Are you considering a fling with the younger one? If so, you might be risking the major relationship in your life to do it. Maybe, having been with your current b/f since you were 13(!) you feel need a little more attention or spice in your life. That's fine, but it's too bad that you've dragged New Boy into it, if you don't have any intention of "following through with the goods". He's going to be disappointed.Here then, are my suggestions: 1. Cool it with the younger guy. Tell him outright that you love flirting and teasing, but you're in a long-term relationship and you've only just realised that you were misleading him. Please do it kindly and compassionately. Say you're sorry and ask forgiveness for the error.2. Level with your b/f and tell him that you were surprised to discover that your friendly flirting was misinterpreted. Reassure him of your affections and assure him you won't make that mistake again.3. Speak to your b/f soon. Tell him that you really miss the racier, sexier aspects of your relationship and ask him for his opinion and if he feels like something is lacking lately. You may find that he feels similarly to you and wants to get the spark back too, which can only be a good thing.4. Resolve not to involve an innocent kid in your flirting again.I hope that this is some help.
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