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anonymous
writes: My girlfried recently cheated on me after we had a row. We had been arguing a lot and have been on and off for four years but this time were trying to give things a proper go.The problem is she has only moved back to the area recently so only has friends through me. I have a big group of close mates and I have only told two of them what she did. I have finished with her (dont know if I was right) over this but she doesnt want me to tell my other friends as she is frightened they will all hate her. I dont want to cause her pain, im not spitefull. But also when my close friends who dont know ask me whats wrong I just say its cause we split up. I want them to know how much pain im in and why but dont want people to turn againt her because I feel sorry for her and still love her.I thinks people are going to find out because this is a small town anyway and the guy she slept with is meant to be a friend of mine. I feel so humiliated and down but dont want to ruin her life in the town eitherWhat should I do please im desperate.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 January 2005):
 Hi there,I'm so sorry to hear how this has troubled you, and you're right that, in a small town, there are few secrets. Your mates will probably hear rumours straightaway. You sound sensitive and a good person and it's a good sign that you want to keep the details confidential, for her sake as well as yours.However, just because people do talk about things that happen to others, they don't have any "right" to that information. If anyone asks about your ex-relationship or how it broke up, you don't have to tell them *anything* you don't want to. But depending on how well you know the person who's doing the asking (any such person would have to have a lot of gall to press you for details), you can give as much or as little detail as you like. You can say, "We're not together anymore. It's a bit painful and I don't want to talk about it, okay?"Because this breakup makes you very sad right now, it's natural to want some empathy from your friends, but if it causes you greater pain to tell them the details, I'd recommend not doing it. There's also the chance that once you get started, you might give away some information that you wish you hadn't.Buck up, though; you made a hard decision to break up, but it was probably the right one.Take care.
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