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anonymous
writes: I have a been going out with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and although he is wonderful and treats me well, like his first priority and tells me he loves me (in which I do too), I really don't feel like I am properly falling in love with him. Its got to the point that if he ever cheated on me or wanted a break, even split up, the feeling of relief comes over me and that I can feel happy again about meeting new people and maybe find someone I properly want to be with.Before I started going out with him, I wanted to be with an old friend of his. We kissed last year after weeks of flirting and texting, and I really want to be with him. He now has a new girlfriend who he seems to have fallen head over heels for,and we see a lot of each other in terms of going out as couples, but I feel so envious, that I want to be with him. He is the only thing on my mind lately and think I'm falling in love with him.Me and his girlfriend really get on, but I feel like I'm only being friendly with her to be near him. What should I do? I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, but can't help how I feel about the other man? Should I be honest with all of them?thanks,J
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): I think honesty is always a good thing, even if it might hurt someone.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 January 2005):
 Hi J,Yes, you should be honest will all of them, and with yourself. If you're attracted to someone else and feel a sense of 'relief' at the idea of breaking up, you're doing him a disservice by staying around and just pretending to be his girlfriend.He will find out eventually that your feelings are gone, and it's going to hurt him much more the longer you drag this out. He's going to wonder "How long was she just pretending with me?" Imagine how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. The kindest thing to do is to explain to your boyfriend that you don't feel for him the way you used to and tell him that you don't feel it's fair to stay with him when you don't love him. Don't make unrealistic promises that you don't intend to keep, but be kind to him; none of this is his fault and he's likely to be extremely hurt.I would counsel you, however, NOT to run straight into the arms of this next guy, which would be regarded as a very definite kick in the guts to your current b/f. Remember the shoe on the other foot? Imagine how you'd feel if he was breaking up with you because he fancied someone else. Take you time getting to know other guys, including the one you think you're interested in - there really isn't any rush to get coupled up with someone.Above all else, be honest and be kind to your current b/f.Good luck.
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