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anonymous
writes: I bumped into a girl i've know for most of my life on the way home from work a while back, and since then we've been hanging out as friends quite a bit (at least once a week). i have found that my feelings towards her have grown over the period, to the point that I would like to have a relationship with her (I feel like I've met my soul mate, as we've got so much in common). I managed to tell her that I like her, which seemed to surprise her, she didn't turn me down but we haven't gone any further, She came out of a long term relationship a while back, and we're both quite insecure. She obviously likes spending time with me, as I do with her, we've both said how comfortable and relaxed we are in each others company, but I don't want to risk spoiling our friendship by trying to push her into a relationship she's not ready for, but after having a great time just spending time with her , I'm left down for a while afterwards.I've had other girls show interest in me, some of whom would be compatible, but I have not let things go anywhere due to my feelings for this girl. I've been told that's foolish, but I don't think it fair to start anything with someone when you care for someone else.Should i say something to my friend about how I feel again, or should i just try to bury my feelings as I have done. Should i try to put her out of my mind accept that we're just friends and look for someone else, or should I continue as i am and see what happens. What if she was to go out with someone else, Although i'd tell her that i was happy for her to be happy it would of course hurt me.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 January 2005):
 Hi there,You've told her that you like her. That's a very good start, but have you let her know that you "li-i-i-ike" her? Sometimes, if a person is depressed or has low self-esteem, they don't read nuances very well, and it's possible that she may have misunderstood your comment, thinking you meant that you were great pals.Try again. Pick a time when you feel that you're really connecting and that you are, for preference, alone with just each other. Tell her how much it really picks you up, just to spend time with her and how happy you are that you met again recently. Then take that next step and suggest that you'd like to see the two of you as more than just friends. Ask her if she'd consider you as a potential boyfriend. Give her time and don't rush too much. If she's recently out from a long-term relationship, she may be feeling fragile or trying to avoid romantic entanglements. If that happens, remember, it's not personal. Just be a friend and be there.There is certainly an element of risk to this; if she's not interested, then you will be hurt. No question. However, you have to think of the alternative: what if you never say anything and then lose the chance because she thinks you're not interested? What if you quashed your feelings because you were too insecure to mention it and then found out that she was just as insecure, but actually fancied you? That's worse than taking a chance that you might find something to make you both happy.If the worst happens, and she turns you down, only to go out with someone else, then only you can determine if you're strong enough to continue being "just" friends with her. But take things one step at a time; don't try too hard to foretell the future... and keep your fingers crossed for a good outcome.Be brave!Hope that this helps.
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