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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, Me and my boyfriend have being seeing eachother for at least a year and a half. We spend all our time together and i love him alot, he is the most important person in my life. I came across the other day that when he went to the toilet i looked in his fone and started to read his messages and there was a message from a girl that my boyfriend knew from a while back. When i was looking through i found that this girl was texting him things like "o hi sexy how are you what are you doing at the moment do you wana meet me" as my boyfriend came out of the toilet he caught me looking at his fone and got angry so i confronted him and asked why is this girl texting you i got so annoyed and i ont know what to do. I trust my boyfriend but i dont trust any other girl especially this one. I cried so much because i thought he wouldnt cheat on me but i dont know if i am being paranoid. I want to ring the girl up as i managed to get her number, i would like to ring her and talk to her about this. What can i do please can you tell me Many Thanks Candy
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female
reader, anonymousegirl  +, writes (3 October 2010):
i know how u feel when it comes to that...I'm kind a dealing with desame situation too well a bit different but still..my boyfriend right now is keep texting with this girl and after there done talking or texting hes deleting all the messages and it make me relly coriouse and right now i dont even know what to do:(..can someone give me an advice of what yo do?
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female
reader, setyoufree  +, writes (24 November 2008):
Hi there, You poor thing. I agree with the other reader who said that you should let your boyfriend know how upset it's making you, but save the ultimatum for when you really need it. You might not need to issue any ultimatum. I went through a similar situation and I knew my boyfriend's female friend was up to no good, and used to get very upset about it, especially since my man is also quite jealous and would hound me about my male friends. Luckily, my boyfriend stopped all contact with her without me having to ask. And he also told me about text messages he received so really, I have no reason not to trust him, but I still don't trust HER. Don't call the other girl. Because she's not going to tell you anything if they are doing anything and, even if they're not, and she tries to convince you of how innocent it is, you're not going to believe her. Worst of all, she could end up blasting you on the phone and making you look really bad to your BF. No. Don't do it. Keep your wits about you, let him know how you feel, and if you find out he's still doing it after you've told him how upset it's making you, issue the ultimatum. Me, or the stupid texts with your "friend". There are guys out there who would NEVER behave like this.....and really want devoted, loving girlfriends! Hope it all works out. Peace.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): listen if you can trust you boyfriend then just ask him about it, tell him you just want the truth and that if there is something going on that you would like to know. tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you. and that what you read hurt you loads. try contact this girl see what she has say. if i was you i would try talking to your boyfriend, but no one can make a decision for you, this is all down to you hun.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): hi love. i totally understand you. what you should do is tell him he needs to either stop talking to her or find another girlfriend. the fact that he did not tell you about her texting him is really weird. and honestly, why would he get mad at you looking at his phone? if he has nothing to hide it wouldn't be a big deal. i look at my boyfriends phone all the time and he looks at mine... i leave it at his house and he picks up my calls. if there's nothing to hide then there should be no reason for you not to pick up his calls or texts or whatever of that sort... i think u might want to find another guy...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Hello there. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. When we first started dating his neighbor (girl) use to txt him all the time. Saying hey sexy lets hang out blah blah blah. I didnt like it and yes I went through his phone. I confronted him about it and told him that he needs to tell her to stop sending those txt. SHe new abt me and for her to say those things to my man was wrong. I told him if he didnt tell her I would confront her. The txt's stopped. Some girls have no respect for other girls men and its something that we will all face in the long run. Just be truthful to your man and yourself. If he really loves you he will make the txt stop!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): wow i am in a very similar situation myself. i have been w/my boyfriend for almost a year, i love him more than anything and i want to trust him, but i keep getting these gut feelings that something's off sometimes. ALWAYS trust your gut. it's led me to find texts in his phone to his ex girlfriends sayin things like "ya, my girlfriends w/her friends tonight, so that just means i get to see you" and things of that nature. he was just texting this chick from his work yesterday sayin stuff like "i'm not just doin it cause you're the boss's daughter" and she said "what then?" and he's like "that's for me to know." then after that he's like "damn why did u leave??"and just things of that nature. the only difference w/me is that my boyfriend doesn't know i went through his phone. so i'm kinda stuck. i wanna confront him about this stuff but i don't want him to know that i snooped. so i definitely feel ya.it sucks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): hey there i have a boyfriend who i love so much 2 and we have been going out for a year now but he is always texting this girl like always he just sits there and texts her. I get some annoyed that one day i cried about it i've seen her before and she seems rude. I feel for you and i think some girls should just lay off other girls boyfriends. You should text her. I feel for you chick, hope all turns out ok
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Hi there, well to be honest, he should have told you in the first place about this girl texting him. If he has left it on his phone for you to find that is totally unfair, and not a very cleaver or caring thing to do. I can understand that you feel unsure as to what to do. My advice is to be a little wiser, and you will soon pick up on anything that is out of the ordinary, Men have the tendancy to think that they can get away with things, however, they are not very good liars. If you are really unhappy you need to try and talk to him about your feelings. If he doesn't listen to you now... He never will.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): dont ring her it will make it worse u dnt want her to h8 u and slag u off too ur boyfriend. just leave it dont do it back worst mistake bcos he will be doin it more. just ignore it if he didnt wana b wiv u he wouldnt be but just say to him 'dont u go and ever meet her ill find out' dont let it bother you hes kept it on his fone so that you get bothered by it and be really incercure trying to do everyfink right and to basically make you jelous but just leave it x mwa x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2005): Candy,
It's funny because I myself am in a vERY similar situation. I think that you do have a right to be mad and no you can't control who texts him but more than likley he talks to her or has talked to her since the two of you have been together. I think maybe you should call her and ask her whats going on. Now Im not saying call her and yell at her and get all crazy psycho, just talk to her like an adult and tell her that woman should stick together and if they are messing around to let you know. Now as for your boyfriend if he had nothing to hide he wouldnt have gotten so angry when he caught you looking through his text msgs. I think the big issue here is that you DONT trust him and you have to put in perspective if you really want to be with someone that you dont trust. Trust is the number 1 thing in any relationship and if you dint have it then you dont have anything to begin with. GOOD LUCK!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2005): I think you were right to trust your instincts. My ex boydriend did the same, I suspected and found out and dumped him - best thing you can do. If he can't grow up and be faithful to you, he's not worth it - you won't be able trust him for the rest of...
He might not have physically done anything wrong, but what if this was written in a letter, or spoken on the phone? Keep your dignity, get rid of him and at least you'll be able to keep your head up - he won't.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (18 January 2005):
 Hi Candy,The very first thing you should do is apologise to your boyfriend for snooping. After that, I'd recommend that you keep a promise never to do such a thing again and hope that he forgives you.What you did was self-indulgent, intrusive and showed a total lack of faith in him, in spite of your saying you "trust him". I'd say that going through his phone is a good sign that you don't trust him.You write that you confronted HIM about the messages? Excuse me, but who was it that got caught red-handed reading someone else's texts while her significant other was in the toilet? Your boyfriend can't control who sends him texts and for all you know, this girl is a nutcase who's stalking him. Someone could have used her phone to send him those messages as a joke. The point is, you didn't know all the facts and you went ballistic anyway. Whatever the phone-girl is, your b/f chose not to share her messages with you and you should have respected that. If we assume the worst-case scenario and that your b/f is about to dump you for the phone-girl, how would your knowing about the messages have helped your case? And if it's not the worst-case scenario, you're not in danger of losing him.Now as to what you should do next, you should absolutely not ring up this other girl. You've already made one mistake; trying to involve yourself with this other girl in order to - what exactly? Prevent her sending messages to people? How would you do that? - is a much bigger one. You'll get yourself all worked up over nothing. Leave yourself right out of this equation and work on solving your trust issues.The problem here is your lack of respect for and lack of faith in your boyfriend. If you and he have been together for 18 months and he loves you as much as you say you love him, you will already be confident of his feelings toward you. If, after all this time, you still feel that you have to "protect" him from the possible approaches of 3 billion other women on the planet, then your relationship is perhaps not as secure as you want it to be.Has your b/f done something lately to make you suspicious? If so, maybe that's what you need to do next; talk with him about ways that you can overcome your fear of losing him to another girl. Maybe he needs to delete these messages as soon as they arrive. Maybe your b/f needs to tell her not to message him any more. But it's probably a good discussion to have, regardless of your b/f's behaviour. You need to let him know how much you love him and learn to show it without being desperate, nosy and disrespectful... and perhaps, your b/f needs to have a little more tact with his phone.Good luck!
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