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anonymous
writes: am trying to fix my broken heart. the man that i thought was my man did a 360 on me, he doesnt respects me at all,he stays gone for days at a time. i am so hurt i just need some advice i love him but i know i need to let go,because he has could me so much pain i have to do this i cant settle for less, i have to forget,is there a way to go about it please? my heart is crying. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 January 2005):
 Hi dear,I've been there too.Grieve for a while. You need to do that. There isn't any template that you have to stick to in terms of how long it takes you to get over him, but let yourself be sad, weepy and gloomy for a while until you start to get bored with it. That might be a week, or it might be a month. (If it goes on longer than a few weeks though, I'd be thinking of professional help via a grief counseller or doctor.)Then, before sadness becomes a habit and when you're good and bored with lying mope-ily around the house, force yourself to get out and do some things that you like. When I say "get out", I don't mean you have to go and troll seedy bars, searching for new men. Far from it. You'll need to "get out" of the sad place in your heart and do something that lifts your spirits, like take someone's dog for a walk, read in the bath, plant some flowers in a pot, volunteer at the animal shelter, babysit for a friend, make some biscuits for your workmates. Those kind of things, the things that make you feel good about yourself.You need to focus on the fact that his rejection doesn't make you an undesirable person, and when you start to feel like you miss him, remind yourself that he wasn't the man you thought he was and that he treated you poorly. You deserve to be with someone who really loves you the way you are, and the best way to find someone like that is to be someone who's already happy with her life.Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Let your friends know that you could use some support now and then, but don't go overboard. (You'll know when they start overtly checking their watches that you've talked about Him long enough.)Hope you feel better soon.
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