A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a gay female who is completely confused about what's going on with a straight female friend. We met a few months ago and she immediately took to me. Asked for my number and we texted and talked a lot. She initiated the flirting and it got pretty heavy. It escalated to the point where we kissed. It was mutual and I definitely know she liked it. She talked about how much she liked it and how confused it made her.Since then, we are basically inseparable. We text every day and have gotten really close. But the opportunity for kissing again hasn't arisen yet and I'm really confused by her. She seems to clam up and change the subject if I ask her anything about how she's feeling. One minute, she seems to really like me. The next, it feels like she thinks of me just as her friend. I'm sure she's a little confused but it's making me feel insane. For context, I asked her just today if she felt like she would ever have another attraction to a woman. Her response was that she's never felt attracted to a woman before and only enjoyed kissing women for male attention. But I know for a fact our kiss wasn't for male attention because we were completely sober and the only ones there. I have no idea how to read her and it's killing me. How do I handle this? If I push too hard, I'm afraid she will freak out. But if I don't, I feel like it will stay confusing forever. Help!
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 May 2022):
 She clicked with you as a friend. She's flattered you are attracted to her. (She's probably never had another woman crushing on her so it's an exciting novel experience for her.) She likes you as a friend and is willing to mess about, even kiss you, but - and this is a big BUT - she is not interested in taking things further sexually, otherwise she would have done so by now or, at the very least, given you clear signs she wanted to do so.
Why are you setting yourself up for failure and heartache? Do you see her as a challenge maybe? Rein in those feelings and back off before you get badly hurt. She is not for you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2022):
 Why were you pursuing a straight woman in the first place?
It makes no sense!
You would like her to be a romantic option for you but IF SHE is straight you are NOT. You might be a way to test out curiosity or fantasy, nothing more.
She feels safe to flirt and play head games with you. Had you been a guy there could have been consequences for both of them if either overstepped whatever boundary. In your case, she really only wants to be friends and flirt "safely" and for "fun" (as in flirt without it going anywhere).
If you want a ROMANTIC and PHYSICAL relationship with another woman you NEED to go look for a lesbian or bisexual woman who WANTS that too, chasing after a straight woman is just plain silly.
You need to accept reality. SHE isn't interested in you in "that" way.
You are wasting your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2022): Typo corrections:
"You've [come] here for advice; so take it or leave it."
"[It] lifts your confidence as a straight-female; when you're a woman attractive enough to catch a lot of male-attention."
"It's nothing more than an ego-booster to make gay-females lose their minds; while you play cat and mouse games."
"Like when you place a fly in a glass of water, and watch it beat [its] wings to get-out; but it can't, until you fish it out and set it free!"
I apologize for the many typos; but not for the content of my post. I'm not trying to scare you "straight;" just looking out for you! If you have to guess if someone is really straight, bi, or gay; they are "straight" until they tell you otherwise. That is not permission to touch them without their consent, it's sharing. Practice self-control.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2022): Here we go again!!! You've came here for advice; so take it or leave it. I'm a gay-man; so I'm going to help you to protect your feelings; and possibly save you some time and trouble.
You are a victim of head-games. She's teasing you! You're inflating her ego. You think you can bribe and gently coerce her into lesbian behavior. You're wasting your time.
If someone has adamantly proclaimed to you they're straight; take their word for it, no matter what they do. There are some mean-spirited straight-people who like to tease gay-men and lesbians for the sheer fun and pleasure of it. Then they'll go-back and tell their straight-friends all about it. It's lifts your confidence as a straight-female; when you're a woman attractive enough to catch a lot of male-attention. It's an nothing more than an ego-booster to make gay-females lose their minds; while you play cat and mouse games. It's fun to tease a guy out of his mind, it's a new experience to see a female behave as badly as a man in the same situation. She's intrigued by it. Not turned-on. It's sick entertainment. Like when you place a fly in a glass of water, and watch it beat it's wings to get-out; but it can't, until you fish it out and set it free! You're the fly!
She's not your friend, she's toying with you; because you appeal to her vanities. You're demeaning yourself, and groveling beneath your dignity; by acting like you're out of your mind for her.
Let me give you a serious warning; and this is based on experience with people I've known through the years in the gay-community. If you can't figure them out, and they won't come-out as gay, or only play peekaboo out of the closet; consider them STRAIGHT, until they OPENLY ADMIT they're gay or bisexual. Just because they are gay or bisexual, but still in the closet, does not mean they are into you. They may have only used you to crack their closet door a little wider, while they built courage; but you're just the doorman to the other side. A guinea pig to experiment with, to see what it's like. To try and guess this is what they're up to, is gambling with your freedom. She wants to see how far she can push you!
This is how gay-people find themselves sitting in-front of a judge defending themselves from charges of sexual-misconduct, and/or sexual-harassment. They think they can "change people," or bring them over to the gay-side. Until someone admits to you the are out, consider them "straight" for your own protection. If you manage to get someone here to tell you to go for it; just remember this. You're the one who will face the consequences if things go wrong!!!
Making her freak-out isn't the problem! Being accused of inappropriate behavior and sexual-misconduct can land your horny impetuous queer @$$ in jail!!! You will humiliate yourself, and all those who love and care about you! You will put a smirk on the faces of those who despise you.
Go find someone who isn't playing games; and will not have you wondering what's-up. Your overblown sense of entitlement, and poor-judgement; is topped only by your wishful-thinking!
STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO CLAIM THEY ARE STRAIGHT BUT LEAVE QUESTION MARKS!!! If they won't give-in to your blatant passes and heavy flirtations; they are either messing with your head, or setting you up.
If she presses charges because you've inappropriately touched her, or did something while she was intoxicated...who do you think law-enforcement will believe? You or her? The victim or you??? If you think being a lesbian will protect you from charges of inappropriate touching or sexual-misconduct, keep pressing your luck with this woman. Legally, it's sexual-misconduct; if the other person files charges that you touched them inappropriately, or did anything sexual without their consent. Do you think the #MeToo movement only applies to men?!! Keep tempting fate, girlfriend!
She is purposely messing with you, but you're so determined to out her as gay; you're going to cross the boundaries of the law in frustration.
I'm not talking out of my backside here! I've seen a few gay-men and gay-women go down for messing with the wrong person!!! It's hard to feel sorry for some of those people; because they didn't use good judgment, They touched people inappropriately, or tried to seduce people who did not consent to it. Straight, or otherwise. Sexual-orientation doesn't matter, if a person doesn't consent! If a straight-woman doesn't want you to touch her in a sensual-way; it's the same as not wanting a man to do it! Got it?!! If another gay-woman rejects your sexual-advances, and you persist; she has a right to press charges! That's the law!
I think you've written about this before, but must not have gotten the answers you've wanted. Go ahead, test your luck! She told you she was straight, and once she tells that to a judge; you're in hot water, Missy!!! Then the question is, if she told you that...why did you do it?
What are you going to say in defense of yourself? The climate is getting a little risky these days for gay-people. I suggest you watch your back. Play where the playground is familiar.
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