Boyfriend's admission of cheating has left me uncertain
Q. Hello My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship about a year. He just admitted because of my work schedule he cheated once with an older woman he met online. He was very casual about it when telling me. I suspected something was up...
A. 24 December 2023: I find it strange that he was "casual" about admitting something like this. Why has he admitted it now? Usually, cheaters don't admit to cheating unless there is a reason, which is usually that they are going to be found out or that they want to end ... (read in full...)
I am interested in him but is a married coworker also interested in him?
Q. They are supposedly 'just friends' but I have possibly noticed a few things but will focus on asking about one. Whenever I am at work and dressed really nice, looking pretty or what some would consider 'sexy' she goes out of her office to talk and ...
A. 15 December 2023: Nobody notices more "inappropriate" behaviour than someone who fancies someone. Women who have the hots for someone notice EVERYTHING around that person - just as you are doing. However, whether they interpret what they see correctly is often ... (read in full...)
Do I need to be more ambitious in life?
Q. I’ve been at my current workplace for almost 18 years. Im 40. I’ve had a couple of promotions (nothing fancy) and I get to work on different projects which varies and to be honest I admit I’m settled and happy and have no desire to find ...
A. 2 December 2023: People who define others' worth in terms of what job they do make me cringe. What happened to discussions like "what gets you out of bed in the morning at the weekend?" and "what excites you about life?" Instead everyone asks about your job and then ... (read in full...)
Partner wants to run off to work party leaving me alone to deal with things
Q. My partner and I have been together for 7 years, last year we went to his holiday party and I had a terrible time, this year comes around and he waits until it’s in less than a month to tell me he’s going to travel for it again. On top of it, we ...
A. 22 November 2023: He's going, whether you give him your blessing or not, so why not do the decent thing and just wish him a good party and let him get on with it? It's not his fault you didn't enjoy bar hopping; it's not for everyone. In your shoes I would be ... (read in full...)
Women love experienced men, what do novices do?
Q. I've noticed a lot of women love men who are experienced. A lot of them say it's a turn on and a preference. So I have to ask; where does that leave guys with none or limited? You can't gain experience when you're not being given a chance. ...
A. 18 November 2023: In my experience, "experienced men" are grossly over-rated. Many think one size fits all and that, because a previous partner liked something, the next one(s) will as well. Everyone, whether male or female, has individual likes and needs and, ... (read in full...)
Tired of being a bank
Q. Hi, So, I met someone online. We chatted for about 7 months before I went to visit him. He was going to come to see me, but his visa was declined. Before I first met him, he would ask for money. Usually, it is about 300 or 400 monthly. I sent...
A. 18 November 2023: Sweetheart, listen to your friends. They are trying to look out for you. Of course he is using you. These scammers tend to have a few sugar mummies on the go at the same time, keeping them - and their friends and families - in the style to which ... (read in full...)
Professional versus working relationship
Q. I am a female and have a crush on an assistant principal at the school I work with. I have noticed he is good friends with another teacher. While she is married, pregnant, and has a child I am jealous of how he seems to respond and relate to her. I ...
A. 4 November 2023: Nobody is more observant than someone who has a crush on someone. I'm speaking from past experience, when I was younger and more foolish.
You admit it would be inappropriate for him to have an affair with a "subordinate" so, logically, your cru... (read in full...)
Friend wants to rent our spare room but we don’t want to rent it out.
Q. I’ve found myself in a very awkward situation that I know I’m to blame but I need advice on how to let my friend down gently and not ruin our friendship…. Last year my husband got a new job which unfortunately meant he had to travel away ever...
A. 3 November 2023: You need to tell her sooner rather than later so that she has time to make other plans. She is more than likely going to be quite upset and yes, she will probably assume you only want her around when your husband isn't, but you need to stand your ... (read in full...)
Mother is creating drama over my wedding dress! Help!
Q. I’m getting married next year and a few months ago I went bride dress shopping with my mum. Now initially I wanted to bring with me (in addition to my mum) my best friend (who is my MOH), my aunt (my mums sister who was never able to have ...
A. 3 November 2023: As you were not that close to your mother to start with, I would just carry on planning your wedding as you intended and let your mother come round - or not - in her own time. Worst case? She'll boycott the wedding. Will that really matter to you? ... (read in full...)
Just figured out that my wife is bisexual
Q. My wife is bisexual and I never knew until we got married. She got saved late in life and has a past (drugs) but has repented and we did church counseling before agreeing to court. She claimed she never prostituted but that she had been "raped" by ...
A. 30 October 2023: As if the original post was not bad enough, you are now replying as an anonymous female. You really do need professional help. ... (read in full...)
Just figured out that my wife is bisexual
Q. My wife is bisexual and I never knew until we got married. She got saved late in life and has a past (drugs) but has repented and we did church counseling before agreeing to court. She claimed she never prostituted but that she had been "raped" by ...
A. 29 October 2023: What the hell did I just read? Have I woken up in the 19th century? The further I got into your post, the higher my blood pressure got. You are a condescending evil petty self-righteous judgmental man and your poor wife, who has already suffered so ... (read in full...)
Just figured out that my wife is bisexual
Q. My wife is bisexual and I never knew until we got married. She got saved late in life and has a past (drugs) but has repented and we did church counseling before agreeing to court. She claimed she never prostituted but that she had been "raped" by ...
A. 29 October 2023: Test... (read in full...)
Double standards Co worker reported me for speaking inappropriately
Q. I have a hard time explaining to people that my primary reason for not wanting to date or have a relationship is because I don't want sex stuff - including kissing. I generally don't even like touching skin (even my own thighs or armpits touching is ...
A. 28 October 2023: I'm obviously missing something here. What exactly were you reported for? How can you be reported for stating you don't want sex? Have I read something wrong?
And what do you mean when you say "This isn't the first time similar has happened... (read in full...)
FWB not working out and I want more
Q. I stopped sleeping with FWB recently because he insulted me. He said I wanted more and was into drama because I questioned him about a woman that was in his vehicle (ex wife) because they had to take care of a bank issue. Not questioning WHY she was ...
A. 21 October 2023: Sweetheart, he has shown you exactly where you stand. When someone does this, you need to listen and take note. The only way you can walk away from this with any pride is to let it go NOW and move on, even if he changes his mind and contacts you ... (read in full...)
Whirlwind vacationship gone wrong
Q. Thank you all for reading my story: I am 35 years old, and on a recent trip to the Pacific, I met a man 10 years older and we fell in love. After a brief week together, we parted ways, only to reunite in Thailand weeks later to see where things...
A. 20 October 2023: Would you read a book for a second time and expect a different ending? Watch a film again and expect it to end differently? Of course not. So why would you go back to a relationship which caused you nothing but misery and expect it to be different? ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be pushed into sex. How do I express I want it to come naturally?
Q. Hello, I was chatting with someone online for about 5 years. He finally moved to my country. I have seen him several times since he moved here. We get along well, he seems very serious. He reminds me he moved here for me. We haven't had s...
A. 15 October 2023: If you had been actually dating for 5 years, I would agree that he had been patient. However, this is obviously not the case. You have been chatting on line for that time. All you know about each other is what you both want the other one to know. ... (read in full...)
How do I resolve the resentment I feel for my partner over 'mum guilt'? Title (e.g. My husband is
Q. My fiancee and I have been together 8.5 years and have a 1 year old son. We are also getting married next week. There have been a couple of instances recently where my partner has been wrapped up in whatever he was doing and done something that has...
A. 15 October 2023: Early parenthood is HARD. Even those without children of their own, but some limited experience with other people's children, know how difficult parenthood is, especially when the child starts to crawl/walk and get into everything with not a drop of ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated and didn't use condoms. Why?
Q. Can somebody please tell me why my boyfriend cheated on me with someone and didn’t use a condom? I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years. Our families know each other and we were at the stage of getting engaged. I was busy with work last Christ...
A. 3 October 2023: You ask why he had unprotected sex with the other woman. My gut instinct is that it was to sabotage your relationship. If she had fallen pregnant (hopefully she didn't but this is still a possibility), he would have been "safe" from going through ... (read in full...)
How can I make amends with my friend about the money?
Q. I’m currently feeling very guilty for accidentally misleading a friend regarding helping her out financially….. 18 months ago my friend was facing a potential situation where by she would need a solicitor and she was struggling to cover the cos...
A. 23 September 2023: Take a step back and analyse this friendship. She sounds to lead a chaotic life. When you made the offer to lend her money 18 months ago, she assumed you and your husband had it to spare so, when she needed money again, she assumed this was still ... (read in full...)
Early friend dating and sensing a conflcit coming
Q. I have an inquiry about new friends. I try and be very open to different kinds of friends. I've seen people who are closed off and I feel they miss out on great people because they are so safety-concerned and any sign of remote conflict, sends them ...
A. 23 September 2023: A few things came to mind as I read your post:
1. You have a gut instinct to protect you. If your gut is telling you this "friendship" is not good for you, then listen and call it a day.
2. Friendship should not be such hard work, especially... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to delete my ex and his friends and family from my social media?
Q. Hello everyone! I wanted to post here because I’m looking for advice, yesterday I unfollowed my ex from all social media, and I blocked him on WhatsApp. Also, I deleted his family and friends from Instagram. This was a huge step for me. It makes...
A. 20 September 2023: Let me ask you something. Would you read a book you had read before and expect a different ending? Would you watch a film you had watched before and expect it to end differently? Of course not, because that is just illogical. So why do you keep ... (read in full...)
A for sale sign has caused much tension between neighbors
Q. So I want to start off by saying that I’m not one to suffer with anxiety and I’ve always considered myself strong and able to move on when rubbish happens but something that has happened recently has made me feel quite vulnerable…. I live in...
A. 13 September 2023: I worked for estate agents up till very recently and I'm sorry but your story just doesn't add up.
For a start, the potential purchasers would have the details from the estate agent when they made the appointment to view so would know which ho... (read in full...)
Is he depressed, toxic or is it me ruining the relationship as he says it is.
Q. I moved in with my partner a year ago and things are becoming toxic in our relationship. I walk on eggshells most days with him. I am always trying to make him happy and putting him first. He’s a very negative person (glass always half empty) blames ...
A. 13 September 2023: Of course he would love you to believe it is you ruining the relationship, because nothing is HIS fault. Little wonder he has no friends and even his brother has distanced himself from him.
Get out before you start believing his BS. You already ... (read in full...)
How can I let my Kenyan friend down without hurting him?
Q. Hello, I used to communicate alot with someone from Kenya years ago. I considered him to be a good online friend. However, I got into a relationship with someone and we didn't talk as much. Recently he messaged me and I'm now single a...
A. 11 September 2023: Beware people who have never met you telling you they are "in love" with you. Lucky you are level headed and independent. If you were insecure and feeling vulnerable after your break-up, you might fall for his patter.
You two have differen... (read in full...)
How to let him down gently
Q. Before the summer, I ask my ex to give me some space as i was feeling overwhelmed by our interactions. It felt very unbalanced, as he was in love with me then and I wasn’t with him. He wanted to keep having long talks but for me I really needed to ...
A. 9 September 2023: You realize you don't have to have "a talk" just because it is what he wants? If you have definitely decided this relationship is over, the kindest thing to do is to end it firmly and cleanly.
I would send him a message saying, after having h... (read in full...)
My mum's friend is a bad customer
Q. I’m really annoyed at my mums friend for messing me about and also at my mum as she is siding with her friend!!! Last year i started making and selling some items- jewelry, hats, bags etc… My mums friend who I’ve only met a handful of times...
A. 9 September 2023: It's your business, not your mother's. Frankly, in your shoes, I would delete and block your mother's friend on Facebook so she cannot browse your items. If she tries to get something through your mother, tell her every item she wants has already ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my brother and his wife that I'm moving out of state?
Q. My brother, his wife and I live on the same street. My brother and I have always been close. I am single and work from home. I rent while my brother owns his home. About 4 months ago, my brother and sister-in-law announced that the...
A. 9 September 2023: It is not your fault that your brother and his wife assumed you would be the resident baby minder. You have your own life to live. It sounds like you kept quiet when these expectations were voiced. It would have been far easier if you had said ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my brother and his wife that I'm moving out of state?
Q. My brother, his wife and I live on the same street. My brother and I have always been close. I am single and work from home. I rent while my brother owns his home. About 4 months ago, my brother and sister-in-law announced that the...
A. 9 September 2023: Test... (read in full...)
I'm wondering whether I made the right decision in changing gynocologists. What do you guys think?
Q. I'm wondering whether I made the right decision in changing gynocologists. What do you guys think? I have a polyp. My usual specialist is away, so I booked with another. I'm sitting in the waiting room and a man phones to ask if he can spea...
A. 30 August 2023: She sounds like a bit of a loose cannon and totally unprofessional. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, it is your gut instinct trying to protect you and telling you to get out of there. You know what you need to do. ... (read in full...)
My friend chose her friend with kids over me, who has no kids!
Q. 5 months ago my friend and I took her 8 year old twins for a day out, for a picnic. On our way there my friend told me that another friend of hers (a mother from the twins school) with her 2 kids would be joining us. I’ve only met this w...
A. 27 August 2023: I would play your friend at her own game if she contacts you again. If she tries to make arrangements to go out, say you will be in touch, just as she did, and then don't bother, just as she did.
She broke your trust when she lied to you. Lea... (read in full...)
When close friends enter relationships, sometimes I feel they change and I lose interest
Q. Dear Cupid, I have very close platonic friendships and I'm queer human. Until now my life has been populated by close platonic queer friendships and sex with strangers. Often I've seen close friends enter into committed, rather traditional romantic ...
A. 20 August 2023: Maybe the secret is to have lots of your own interests so you are not as reliant on your friends for your entertainment? I only have a small number of friends but each one adds something good to my life. None of them ARE my life. If they go through ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied and I feel like our intimacy is diminishing
Q. My girlfriend is pregnant first trimester. We havent been doing sexually anything and its frustrating but im trying to be considerate. I know my girlfriend watches porn. I asked her a few times and ive tried talking to her that its ok to tell m...
A. 19 August 2023: You don't own your girlfriend. She is not cheating on you by "playing with herself". To be honest, I am not surprised she does not want to be intimate with you if you are this controlling. A woman needs to feel loved before she wants sex. Think ... (read in full...)
When close friends enter relationships, sometimes I feel they change and I lose interest
Q. Dear Cupid, I have very close platonic friendships and I'm queer human. Until now my life has been populated by close platonic queer friendships and sex with strangers. Often I've seen close friends enter into committed, rather traditional romantic ...
A. 19 August 2023: You seem to be an "all or nothing" person. Not saying you are wrong to be like that but, for me, friendships can ebb and flow, and sometimes they are more intense than at other times. If someone has a new partner in their life, it is only natural ... (read in full...)
When close friends enter relationships, sometimes I feel they change and I lose interest
Q. Dear Cupid, I have very close platonic friendships and I'm queer human. Until now my life has been populated by close platonic queer friendships and sex with strangers. Often I've seen close friends enter into committed, rather traditional romantic ...
A. 19 August 2023: Test... (read in full...)
Why is my fwb being so disrespectful
Q. I've been seeing a FWB for sometime. We do things together. Hang out, go out in his boat, go to dinner sometimes. Lately he seems irritated by something. We went to his condo on the beach in his truck. It was really a hot day. I asked if he could ...
A. 19 August 2023: He's so disrespectful because he wants out of this "partnership" but hasn't got the balls to end it. He hopes, by him being nasty, you will do the dirty work for him and walk away.
Do him and yourself a favour and walk away with your head hel... (read in full...)
Writer friend uses me as inspiration but it hits too close to home.
Q. I'm a writer who is friends with another writer. Over the course of the last year, this friend has proven extremely kind, generous, and patient with me. Has taught me many things and throughout this time I've always asked what he got from my side ...
A. 13 August 2023: In fairness, all writers need inspiration from somewhere. They don't just "make up" stuff they write; it had to start somewhere. Personally, I would be flattered that my friend thought enough of me to write my story. He finds your story - and, by ... (read in full...)
I left my abusive partner so why do I feel bad?
Q. I have just left my partner of two years who was emotionally abusive. I have felt unhappy for months living with him but why do I feel even more unhappy without him? Before I met him I was a happy, lived my best life. Now I feel like a shell of my ...
A. 13 August 2023: You miss the person you wanted him to be, not the person he actually turned out to be. It is possible he WAS the person you wanted him to be at the beginning but nobody can keep up a show forever; eventually their true self will out.
You also mis... (read in full...)
Is my friend a freeloader?
Q. I need some opinions to work out if my friend is a freeloader… For as long as I have known her- 8 years she has always struggled with money- she works full time but doesn’t save anything and doesnt think about what she spends and where. W...
A. 13 August 2023: Why not suggest seeing her somewhere cheap and cheerful, where you can both afford your bill without struggling? A Wetherspoons or similar?
You can come across as a "lovely person" and still be entitled. ... (read in full...)
Is the crush fading?
Q. The most senior staff in my child's school has a crush on me. The attraction is mutual. Please don't ask me ' how do I know as I have passed that stage. The signs were so obvious i,e there was one or two things that he did that was unprofes...
A. 13 August 2023: Why don't you discuss it with your husband? I am sure, as soon as he knows and your marriage is in danger, your "crush" will fade. ... (read in full...)
Shall I confront my neighbor or not?
Q. My neighbor, on several occasion, whilst I have been away has looked after my indoor rabbits. I’ve never had any issues with her coming to my house and looking after them. My bunnies have their own allocated big room downstairs which is rabb...
A. 13 August 2023: While I do understand you saying the rabbits should not be in other parts of the house which have not been made safe for them, I assume the neighbour and child were with them the whole time they were out of their safe space so it was highly unlikely ... (read in full...)
Competitive cousin is making me jealous!
Q. My cousin and I are the same age (literally a few months apart) and ever since we were small she has always been competitive with me. She’d always want what I had or wanted to do things I did like ballet and swimming and then try to beat...
A. 22 July 2023: Poor little rich girl. I can understand her being jealous of you, but what does she have for YOU to be jealous of? Constant insecurity, which drives her need to compete, and her step-daddy's money? Sheesh. (I am rolling my eyes here.)
I think th... (read in full...)
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