A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will be honest - I think times gone for me in the sense of achieving especially romanticly. Never ever in life expect things to just happen. When people say things will all work out in the end, or love only happen when you stop working for it these are all lies.You really have to try for something or at least have some goal /dream or ambitionAnd really try to get confidence at something in life without these you just end up drifting through life then coming to realise you've wasted all the good part of your life.I've been single now since about 22 I've tried dates here and there but things don't work out either me or them, I've lost so much confidence and boost in life that I've just accepted these things and pretty much lost my labido plus talking to a lady to attempt to date is impossible due to my lost years of experience they want a man and I'm way behind. Live with family, crap job no confidence and no real life experience the past 12 years... I'm an introvert but going into society really makes me realise how much I've lost out on and how much I am behindAt 26 I felt to old lol but you still have to time in your 20s for fun and life building.Don't give up because you end up like me lost wondering around wanting to kill yourself but yet not having the balls too which makes you feel even better.Plus don't get too distracted with putting other people first all you end up doing is feeling empty it doesn't give you meaningMind you advise from a suicidal person who's got nothing to be proud of probably isn't good to listen to either
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2022): I picked up on the fact that you are feeling very low at the moment and I suggest you get to see a doctor and ask for anti depressants.You can tell the doctor that you feel depressed and suicidal at times and they should be ok with authorising anti depressants.This is certainly not unusual at the moment. We've had covid and bereavement and increased isolation which tends to amplify people's anxieties and negative feelings.So many people see the idealisation and legalisation of relationships as less than satisfactory but most people just muddle along together or not.If you can get psycho therapy ie talking therapy, it can be good to express yourself verbally to a non involved individual who will have coping strategies they can share with you.It's an imperfect world full of imperfect moments but for some reasons we are living in a have-it-all society where people feel demeaned if they can't have 'the dream'!If you make your dream achievable and possible you stand a better chance of moving forward.But many people feel trapped and tricked into believing stuff that simply had no validity.Maybe it comes from the angle you were born from into a world that continually changes morally and politically.Sometimes it helps to remember that many people prefer to pretend that their world is fabulous in order to protect themselves.But if your feelings are particularly acute and worrying I suggest you seek the help of the doctor who can get you a small chemical known as serotonin into your brain by taking a small tablet daily that helps the body to decrease the dreadful effects of chronic or acute depression.You have to hang on for the first few weeks and although it has limitations it has helped people combat depression to the extent that they become less overwhelmed by it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 June 2022):
 I absolutely agree with YCNBS,
EVERYONE follows a different path. And no one really knows which path goes where in many cases.
One of my BEST friends met her second husband at age 38. She had been married since she was 16 to a guy who was a piece of crap. But at 16 she didn't know better. And because they had kids fast, she stayed. When her youngest turned 18, she divorced her husband and a year later met a good friend of ours who was 40 AND single (never married, never had any long-term relationships) and well, the rest is history. They have been together for 19 years. You know she NEVER left the state she was born in before meeting our friend. She never traveled. She BARELY left her county. After she married my friend she has been all over the US, she's been to Hawaii,
and several European countries and they are planning to climb Machu Pichu! She works part-time, she volunteers. She seems like she finally found "her" person. And he does too.
My grandmother was married twice. Her first husband died young and well, her second husband died of a heart attack a few years later. After that? She never dated. I think she was in her 40's and she lived to 89. THAT is a long time to be alone. I think she enjoyed it, most of the time.
My uncle has been married 9! (yes nine) times!! He is an eternal optimist and... a lousy husband. Charming but not a great husband.
Everyone is different!
You are comparing yourself to others. And then upset that you haven't done XYZ. But.. life doesn't just show up and knock on your door. You DO have to be "out there". Set some goals for yourself. Like, IMPROVE on your career. Change career. Travel. Take up a new hobby. Meet new people.
I'm also an introvert. I dread big social events. YET, I still go. I participate.
I bet there is a LARGE group of women you would never look at because you want a "10" or someone "special" so you overlook the 5 and 6's, you might even look at superficial things not "what do we have in common".
Life might seem easy for some people but I think that is the minority.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 June 2022):
 You think your life is over (or, at least, the best years are over) in your early-mid 30s? Wow. That's very sad. Also very untrue - unless you choose to give up trying and make it a self-fulfilling prophesy.
I see the same issue woven through your whole post: you don't understand/believe that everyone is different and things work out differently, and at different times, for everyone. For some people, they do find "the one" when they stop looking. For others, they find them by looking hard and working hard to find them. Some people find "the one" in school, marry and stay with them for life. Others go through life searching for something it may take them a long time to find. And yes, sometimes they may NOT find what they are searching for.
I know a couple who started dating when they were 14. They are now grandparents and still together. I also know someone who didn't have his first girlfriend until he was in his 30s. Years later, he is happily married to his first and only girlfriend. I have a friend who was engaged 5 times and has children by 3 different fathers. She is now happily married (to the father of the 2 youngest children), after believing she would never find the right man with whom to settle down. Everyone is different.
This is only "the end" if you CHOOSE to make it so. I know you are tired. I get that you are disappointed and despondent. You're not the first or the last to be unlucky in love.
You see your lack of experience as a black marker against you, a deal breaker. However, some women will see your lack of "baggage" as a definite plus.
To quote a line from a favourite film of mine: "It will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end."
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