A
male
age
41-50,
*lade_Runner2049
writes:So I've never done anything like this before. I find myself in an unbelievable situation, and I'm really looking for an unbiased point of view from people who don't know me. So, basically I was with my ex partner for as long as I can remember. I thought we were for forever. Anyway, we split up almost a year ago because I found out she was cheating. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. And the truth is - I still love her. She knows that I do. But she also knows we could never get back what we once had. I've told her that. Things would never be the same. In the end she ended up with the guy she was cheating on me with. Anyway, yesterday I saw the guy she is with with with another girl. To say I was shocked. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And they were definitely more than just friends. They were hugging and kissing. I know we can say karma, and what goes around comes around. I guess what I'm trying to say is - What do I do with this information. Part of me is saying I should tell her. But another part of me is saying to stay out of it. But I like to think I'm a good person, and I'm reminded of the saying evil only conquers when good men do nothing. What do I do? Do I just stay out of it.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.Thanks for your time.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 May 2022):
 My honest advice would be to stay well out of your ex's affairs (no pun intended). You need to move on with your life and one of the ways to do that is not to give your ex ANY head space.
Whether her new boyfriend is cheating on her or not is really none of your business. If you go to her with the information, because their relationship is still new, she is likely to disbelieve you anyway, as you will have no actual proof (unless you took pics?). Even if you took photos, the boyfriend will most likely be able to persuade her it was not what it seemed.
As the boyfriend was cheating WITH her, he will have no issues cheating ON her either. This is something she needs to find out about him for herself.
I am sorry you are still hurting from all this. I hope you can move on with your life and find someone you can trust.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2022): Your ex is still a human being who does not deserve to be cheated on. If anything, you KNOW how that feels. And being a nice guy, you don't wish that on her.
The truth always needs to be told. I would want to know if I was being cheated on. And even if I were to shoot the messenger, at the end of the day, I would be wiser and whether I believed them or not, it will plant a seed of doubt. I would tell her what I saw and then let her know it is her choice what she does about it. What matters most? Repercussions for you or that she is told the truth and stops wasting time with someone who is not worthy of her love? Even WITH proof, she may not believe it. Doesn't matter. Truth needs to be told.
She will only keep getting hurt more while she remains in the dark and he keeps cheating on her.
But you were broken up. And I think that if you are entertaining thoughts of reconciling with her, it would be a long, hard road which in the end will most likely lead to failure. The breaking of trust in relationships is almost impossible to repair after cheating occurs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2022): What's your motive? Why are you still in your ex's life?
Let her find-out like you did. It's really none of your business. You caught her cheating. You broke-up, and that's when all your responsibilities and involvement in her life ended.
It would be hard to say you might find a little twisted-delight or toxic-pleasure in hurting her with telling her what you've discovered. Unless you can provide certified irrefutable proof he is cheating, and that you don't have ulterior-motive behind tattling; I strongly suggest you stay out of it.
Over-involved helicopter-exes (bordering stalker) cause more trouble than their friendship is worth; because they're usually biased and secretly (subconsciously) jealous. They may never admit it, and may never admit it to themselves. That's what makes it all the more ominous. Please don't take it that I'm accusing you of being a stalker, that's missing my point here entirely. I'm being frank; but it's for your own good. I know how you feel, because it has happened to me too. More times than I'll probably ever know. That's neither here nor there.
You should be working on getting over her; if you claim there is no chance you'll get back together...after contradicting yourself by saying you still love her. In what way? It would be so much healthier for you to leave her out of your life for good. The fact she cheated will never change. Your forgiveness is all you need to give her; as you move forward into the future.
Let her go, move on. Let her problems be her problems, and yours be yours. Find someone else to focus your affections, time, and devotion on. It would be emotionally sound, more logical, and less intrusive on her personal-life. You don't need to be her overseer; and telling her wouldn't really be out of "friendship." Your intentions would be too questionable; and she may hate you for it. He might beat you up, or retaliate somehow. You'd only create drama you had no business being a part of in the first place. You already know the answer to your question. Glad you still bothered to ask. Hope you won't ignore the good advice we've all taken the time to offer you.
I wish you well. Go heal, and get over her.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (26 May 2022):
 I agree with Honeypie, Unless you have concrete proof i would stay out of it and not say anything.
If you verbally inform her of what you saw she won't believe you, and when she confronts him he will of course deny everything.
This will not look good on you, and no doubt she will never talk to you again as it will just look like you are meddling and trying to split them.
If he is playing away she will eventually find out over the natural course of time.
I would also refrain from taking on the roll of Sherlock Holmes and go trying to catch him in the act to provide her with evidence, she needs to find out for herself.
Stay out of it, its her relationship, not your problem anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2022): I'd stay out of it.She is your ex now.As such you should not be involved in her life and /or her relationship;whatever happens in it ,it is definitely no skin off your nose.
She chose to get out of your life, it may not have been the right choice or the best choice, but this is her choice and you need to respect it.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2022):
 If you have proof (such as a picture) I would just make an anonymous email and mail it to her.
If you don't have concrete proof, I would do nothing. Because it's just your word. She might think you are lying (if she is in denial), she will think you have ulterior motives.
She gets what's coming to her. She will find out. You KNOW how it felt to find out. Now it's her turn, eventually.
I understand that it's the right thing to let her know. But if you can't show her proof she might not believe you at all. Because she doesn't WANT to.
Not your monkey, not your circus, OP
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A
female
reader, Stoneruby  +, writes (26 May 2022):
 It will come out soon enough, 9/10 it usually does. Whatever the situation was in your relationship, cheating is just a shit thing to do. Lessons are meant to be learned here for her . If it were me, Id let the universe be her teacher while you get on with your life and work on mending a broken heart.
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A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (26 May 2022):
My honest advice is simply stay out of it. Stay away and give yourself time to heal.
If you tell your ex what you've seen, it will probably just make you look like you're trying to ruin her new relationship because you're jealous or angry or whatever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2022): If you tell her what you saw she will only rebound back into your arms for the short term at least.
If that's what you want then go ahead and tell her.
She may already be aware that she isn't in a strong relationship.
Possibly there is no right or wrong here!
You must be the judge of your own actions and personally I don't think it matters at all if you tell her what you saw, but do be aware you will probably be drawn back into the web you just stepped out of.
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