A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My father has died in hospital aged 77. He went in with a foot that had blister that became black on his foot an narcrotic ulcer as he was diabetic. My family are in shock. We were expecting him to come out of the hospital. My mum told me he wasnt treated right in hospital he was in bed for a month no physio, no bath or shower at all in a month, his nails werent cut and were brown, he was unshaven, he was begging for water when mum visited, his glasses were on the floor his teeth were on the floor, his pyjamas went missing, his catheter wasnt draining, he was covered in bedsores, he was overdosed on too many diabetic tablets, he was starved for days.We feel like he was mistreated and we feel like we should have took him out of the hospital and took him to a better hospital and he wouldnt have died. We keep blaming ourselves for failing to do that. My brother has took it really badly and 3 weeks on doesnt stop crying and blaming himself as dad asked him to take him out the hospital and said to him dont let me down son. now my brother cant stop thinking he made a mistake. I hear him crying constantly. As yet we havent done the funeral.He had an operation in hospital angioplasty which they told us went well and that he could come home or go physio. then a few days later they told us he would need his leg off to save his life. they were telling us one thing then another. a couple of days later he died, mum said they took him off the iv way too soon we feel like they killed him. none of the staff seemed to know anything they would all tell us different things.He died with sepsis, foot ulcer, chest infection, kidney infection, pneumonia most of which he didnt have when he went in the hospital.we feel like we have let dad down and trusted these people to take care of him on the nhs and they didnt.We were told by a friend never to go into that hospital and my god they were right.We wont ever get over the death of dad how we let him down and how he was neglected. We feel he died from medical negligence. We feel heartbroken.I would love some help and advice from people it would mean so much in this difficult time i need to help my mum and brother as theyre grief and sorrow is overwhelming them and im trying to be the strong one for them even though im the youngest and the only daughter We love you dad and we are so sorry for letting you down. Rest in peace xx
View related questions:
heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2022): Get a lawyer immediately! All you've described seems like medical malpractice and professional-negligence; not to mention profoundly cruel and inhumane! There is no excuse for it, and don't take any mess about shortage of staff. They should give the hospital administrator(s), execs, and a few overpaid-doctors a pay-cut; and hire some nurses and nursing assistants! Patients are mostly treated by physician-assistants, nurse practitioners, and nurses; while doctors mostly practice at their offices, when they aren't out on the golf course, or at the country club. Badly run hospitals are a horror show!!!
My most sincere condolences to you, your mother, and the rest of your family. Please don't feel any guilt, all you can do for your family-members when they are hospitalized is follow-up with their doctors and check on them to see they aren't being mistreated; but you can't be there 24/7, and most of the time your complaints are ignored! I will not disclose the amount, but my brother-in-law won a hefty suit for malpractice! My poor sister died because she was sent home twice from the emergency room; after passing-out and vomiting. She had knee surgery, and nobody checked to see if she was on blood-thinners or aspirin; or even realize the reason for the bandage on her knee was for the surgery! A blood clot went to her brain! This is a complication that can come from that kind of surgery.
It was an intern doing triage; and he was too busy rushing patients out, to stop and even do a thorough examination. My sister who rode in the ambulance to the emergency room is also a RN! Her court testimony was most compelling; and must have been the most difficult thing she has ever had to do! She asked the doctor if he checked her blood count and platelets; and asked if she should be on blood-thinners, but he discharged my sister and said she was fine! The next night, my sister fainted again, was rushed to the ER; and was told she was fine, and sent home again!
It's disheartening and deeply disturbing to read your post; and you have to grieve with all these terrible things on your mind. Grief of the loss of a parent is horrendous enough; but having to feel the way you do because you feel it's your fault somehow is terrible, and most unnecessary. A law suit will not bring your father back; but it will make the hospital be more diligent in caring for all patients, and not just the wealthier ones in private rooms.
May the good Lord bring all of you peace, and comfort your family.
A
male
reader, Letligon  +, writes (1 June 2022):
as someone who has lost many people I can tell you a very good solution to your pain, don't ever regret it if someone is gone from your life, think about it, your father maybe gone but I bet a million dollars... during his last days.... to have you be with him through all the pain and trouble he went through... now I wasn't there but I will bet he died a happy man with joy in his heart, as for you, marvel said it best, part of the journey is the end, we cherish each other we care for each other we yearn for each other all in the hope that we can make happy memories and as the years passes by all the bad memories you had of your dad... it'll be gone and hard to remember and the good ones stay, we are mortal and are meant to die, how we lived is what defines us, seems like he was a great dad that you feel this way about him, go in isolation for a short while, grieve.. suffer.. be sad cry shout do whatever u want, come back after you're done and talk with your other family members. it's gonna be very emotional but in the end I believe u will rise as a better person even a stronger one, don't be sad why people's friends and families leave us, be happy they were there with us when we had the change
~~Hope this helps, best of luck to you and your family
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2022): Speak to a lawyer. And don't feel guilty, you did the right thing. I think everyone feels guilt as part of the grief process.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 May 2022):
 I am so sorry for your sad loss.
I wish I had a pound for every time I have heard horror stories like this. We had a similar thing happen with my mum where the neglect (although of much shorter duration than yours) was horrific. When I pointed out they could not do something to my mum due to an existing condition and that it was in her notes, the staff nurse actually said "Oh, we don't have time to read through everyone's notes".
When the whole Covid circus was going on, I told my OH that, even if I looked like I was dying for any reason, under no circumstances was he to send me to hospital. Dealing with bereavement is bad enough without having to deal with this sort of thing.
Do you feel strong enough to take this up with the relevant authorities? If only to stop someone else going through what your father went through and another family losing a loved one in similar circumstances?
Again, so sorry for your loss. It must be so hard for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2022): My goodness I feel for you.
Has the NHS really got this bad? As for negligence, a solicitor who specialises in medical negligence would be the best one to advise you on this. My opinions on medical negligence and lack of care are based on a bad Government and unfortunately wont help your grief, but I can imagine how bad you must feel.
You were not the ones to let him down. You put your trust in a service that should and normally does provide much better care than that. Don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2022): This is not the first time I've heard of medical malpractice and it is very difficult for you to hold it all together whilst you are overwhelmed with grief.
The best thing you could do is to find a decent solicitor who deals with medical malpractice.
They can access all of your dad's medical notes and push the case forward.
It's important to do this because it is the only way to prevent this happening to anyone else.
Do not turn down the compensation when the case is finally settled.
If you cannot bear to personally receive any awards, your mother may find it helpful to think you were fighting her corner for her.
You could plant trees in your dad's memory and put a little good back into the world.
I expect your mother is overwhelmed right now but your brother may benefit from being involved in the evidence collecting and expression of your concerns.
Just make sure it's a very good solicitor with a proven track record in medical negligence or medical malpractice.
Once you have done this you may all start to heal from this traumatic event.
If you are concerned about the costs of legal help then head for a no-win-no fee
solicitor as they won't take the case on unless they feel they have an excellent chance of winning you all a settlement and an apology.
You can push for an enquiry on a higher level once you've got your legal team to prove that the hospital was incompetent, or medically negligent or showed malpractice and a lack of due care and attention.
...............................
|
