A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend keeps putting me in awkward situations and I’m not sure if she’s doing it on purpose or not…Let me give you some examples..The first incident was 3 months ago we went out shopping - she found this fancy scarve that she liked. It was quite pricey and she couldn’t decide whether to buy it or not and asked my opinion. I told her it was nice but a little expensive but if she liked it and could afford it then she should buy it.She decided not too. 2 weeks after this it was her birthday- there was a few of us that met at a restaurant and when she opened my present (a bottle of her favorite perfume and a book) she looked disappointed and said that she thought I was getting her that scarve she saw 2 weeks earlier.I was completely confused as I never said I’d get it for her, but she was convinced that I had mentioned in conversation that I’d treat her to it for her birthday- but I definitely didn’t- I couldn’t afford that amount anyway. I told her she may be confused and she apologized agreeing. But it was so awkward as we were amongst other friends.6 weeks ago we went out for lunch. When it came to pay we split the bill as we always do and she asked me where the restaurant coupon was…. Once again I had no idea what she was talking about. She said that when we arranged lunch I told her I had a coupon for a “buy one get 1 free meal”- this wasn’t the case I never said it - she was convinced I did and she admitted to ordering the more expensive food to take advantage of the voucher but couldn’t afford half the bill, so I ended up paying for our lunch. The final incident happened last week- a bunch of us decided to do a collection for our friends baby shower. We all agreed to put in £20 each.I was in charge of collecting the money when she said that it £10 is what was agreed not £20 and she couldn’t afford £20.Thankfully on this occasion I had email and text proof that we all agreed to £20 - when I showed her she seemed annoyed as she couldn’t argue about it. Now at first I was questioning my memory ( and sanity), then hers and now I’m sure it’s her trying to get out of paying for stuff or gaining things by making me feel awkward.I’ve know her for a week few years and she’s always been a bit funny way when it comes to buying things or putting in money for stuff. She has a good job and earns a decent amount but likes to pinch Pennie’s and take advantage of situations when she can. What are your thoughts? How can I avoid these thing in the future?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2022): "she’s always been a bit funny way when it comes to buying things or putting in money for stuff. She has a good job and earns a decent amount but likes to pinch Pennie’s and take advantage of situations when she can."
At very first blush, she reminded me of the CEO of the now defunct Bear Stearns. He was the one who used to pinch pennies when he lost at poker night against the CEO's of the other major banks of Wall Street.
So... is it possible that, to have her uphold the persona that "earns a decent amount", she has picked *you* as The One worthy 'opponent'?
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 June 2022):
 I think she is what you call tight, yes she is on decent money but by the sounds of it she does not like to part with it. We all know people like this, I always say these people have short arms and deep pockets.
You call her a friend, but a friend would not lead you to believe you have said something, or done something that you know full well you haven't, she is gaslighting you and as a result its costing you.
Not saying exclude her from your group of friends, but just be mindful when occasions occur that you mention in your post. Maybe don't go out with her on your own, but rather when you all meet up as a group.
You now have hindsight, she has done this to you a few times now, take it on board, learn from it, and be mindful next time she tries to pull something like this again.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 June 2022):
 Your "friend" is a user. The problem is that you are allowing her to get away with her dreadful behaviour. Bottom line is, she is actually stealing from you because she is getting money (or at least trying to) which you have not offered.
Unless you really value her friendship, I would advise distancing yourself from her. If you choose not to, then make it very clear, on EVERY occasion, that you are not willing to support her financially.
Does she do this to other friends as well, or only you? If the former, then you should all get together and agree you will not tolerate it any longer. If the latter, then she probably sees you as a soft touch. Put her right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2022): Yes she is a freeloader,mean and greedy. Now that is agreed what are you going to do about it? What is the point of realising it and sharing it with us if that is all you do?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 June 2022):
 Oh, she is a slippery one, isn't she?
She is a "gaslighter" and manipulator to the max! Makes you feel like you have to question YOURSELF whether you said something or not, making you feel a little crazy for "not remembering".
I think it's GREAT that you call her out whenever it happens. But she isn't going to stop. It's working for her ENOUGH to be a benefit for HER.
"She has a good job and earns a decent amount but likes to pinch Pennie’s and take advantage of situations when she can."
Why pay if she can get other people to spend THEIR money?! That is her mentality.
Who paid for her expensive food? You did.
So STOP caving, STOP paying for her. I presume she is in her 30's? So expecting you to off up a coupon so SHE can eat free or for YOU to pay is ridiculous! Let's say you had HAD a coupon, she should STILL have expected to pay half!! I would simply have told her that you NEVER said anything about her eating for free and that you are not paying. And stick to it.
She gets away with it, because she is GOOD at manipulating people and .... because YOU and others let her.
Stop letting her get away with it.
If that means don't go out to lunch/dinner with her and when she asks why, tell her you don't want to end up paying for HER.
You call her a friend, call her out on her behavior. Perhaps not in front of others but also IN FRONT of others if need be.
She is a Yikes. What positive impact does she bring to YOUR life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2022): Who doesn't have one of those friends? ***Said with a huge smile on my face!***
Well, she's busted now! You can't blame a girl for trying!
From time to time, everyone is guilty of trying to get break or a bargain. She's just not slick enough to pull it off. Obviously!
Maybe you're more penny-conscious, or thriftier, than some of her other friends. She may be used to people spending a little extra money on her, or she guilts people into splurging on her. You're just not the one.
It's all harmless. She hasn't pulled it off, and you're not easy to fool. If you feel you need to, you should address the issue and just tell her what you've observed. Ask her if you should be concerned? She knows you've figured it out by now; and may not attempt to pull any stunts for a while.
She hinted about the scarf, that was harmless. Nobody got their feelings hurt more than she did. If you usually shop in stores that sell pricey things; you may have given her the impression you could afford to shop there. If it was she who went out of her way to take you there, and you knew her birthday was coming up, it should have dawned on you she was hinting that's what she wanted for her birthday...or so she so wrongly assumed! If she was disappointed, too bad!
When you plan outings together, you may want to remind her to bring enough to cover herself, and maybe a little extra. Once you get the bill it's too late!!!
You call her a friend; so you should be able to be frank and straightforward with her. Ask her if she can afford to pay her share, before choosing a pricey place to eat. It's inconsistent that you would eat or shop at pricey places; then cry poor-mouth at the same-time.
Remind her that unless you show her the coupon, just assume there is no "groupon," and she is responsible for her share. If she keeps placing herself in awkward situations; it's more on her than anyone else.
Just let her know, that if you always have to cover for her share of the bill; from now on, you expect her to pay you back.
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