A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. Since a few days, we've been talking about having sex. We really want to do it, but I don't know how to have sex and I'm also scared of getting pregnant. My friends say different things – some say do what your heart says, others say it's too early. Please help Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2022): I am not an advice person on here. I am reading on this site because people are giving me advice about another post and I just got into reading about other people's stuff too because it is interesting and sometimes the advice applies to me too.
So, if you want the opinion of a guy who is younger than you but who is sort of in your boyfriend's situation, I am happy to share.
My girlfriend wants to wait for sex until marriage. It is important to her. I knew that even before we became a couple. I would really like to make love to her and I literally think about having sex with her every single day, but I love and respect her and I accept it. That means, she and I may never have sex (unless we get married some day).
If you have any doubts, don't do it. If the guy pressures you, dump him. You deserve someone who will really respect your feelings on this no matter how horny he gets.
I am not saying it is easy for the guy to wait (we are like wired to want it), but there are guys (like me) who have a grip on themselves and can handle it no matter what people say about teenagers today or our generation.
I may not like being a virgin, but I am doing it. And I don't resent it, because I actually care about my GF. And I have not exploded or died or gone mental from waiting.
The other person who was talking up abstinence is right. You can wait on sexual intercourse but do lots of other things that are physically intimate and freaking awesome. My GF is a "no go" on oral stuff even though she flirts very unfairly about it, but there are a lot of choices. I don't know how specific to be on here, but you can obviously give your partner orgasms just by touching them if you want to do that for them. You don't even have to be naked. LOL
So, from a horndog boy who knows what it is like to wait, I say take your time. You are worth it. And if you want to wait until marriage, don't let anyone else bully you.
Your friend, Calvin - my alias
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2022): What is wrong with waiting until you are married? Why doesn't anyone do this anymore??? At your age, you are NOT ready for sex or the adult implications of it, including potential pregnancy. It really pisses me off that young people fuck around and then use abortion as birth control! Or have children way too young, and cannot support them or are not ready for the responsibility themselves, and either adopt them out or fuck up their lives because they were a kid themselves. What is wrong with ABSTINENCE these days? How about masturbating? How about oral sex without penetration? You are way too young for sex. Think long and hard about all the complications of sex. It is not as simple as running along to the doctor and getting contraception!
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (1 May 2022):
 Go along with what/when feels right for YOU, not someone else. Some of your friends may already have had sex, some may be pretending they have to "keep up with the pack". Regardless, it has nothing to do with you. There is only YOU who can decide when is the right time for you. Don't feel pressured by your friends or your boyfriend.
Personally - and this is only MY view so, again, no reason for you to take any notice if you don't agree - I feel 6 months' dating is too early for your first time. I would advocate waiting until you feel sure this boyfriend is special. You will never forget your first time, regardless of how many people you have sex with in the future. It is likely (but not certain) to be a huge disappointment because nobody is born being good at sex and couples need to work together to understand what makes each of them tick in bed, but the least you can do is wait long enough to ensure your partner genuinely cares for you. At least then it will be a loving experience, not some rushed uncaring attempt to tick the "had sex" box.
There is no harm in being prepared for this to happen in the future. Go and see your doctor and discuss the best method of contraception for you. There is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed about this. Also insist your boyfriend uses a condom, just to make even more certain nothing goes wrong, and make sure he has practiced putting one on so he knows what he is doing. If you are mature enough to have sex, you are mature enough to discuss it thoroughly beforehand and make sure you are as safe as possible from unwanted pregnancy.
Don't agree to anything for which you are not 100% ready. Don't feel pressured by your boyfriend or friends. There is no expiration date for your first time. It will happen when YOU are ready.
For the record, I waited until I was 20 for my first time having sex and I remember it with fondness because I was ready and chose the right partner, although we didn't stay together in the long run.
...............................
A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (1 May 2022):
 If you have any doubts, I’m not sure if you’re ready. Although, I don’t know your situation fully. I think you should talk to a friend or a family member who knows your relationship a little better than we do.
With regards to pregnancy, consider getting on some birth control: the pill, condoms, talk to your doctor's, they will be able to advise you properly on which is best for you.
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): This is not a question you should be asking strangers who don't know, love, or financially support either of you. This is something a teenager should be discussing with his or her parents. We have no right to be giving you permission; which is what you are indirectly seeking.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): Speak to a doctor. Get some contraception.
...............................
A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (30 April 2022):
Hi,
If your feeling anxious and confused about sex, that's probably an indicator that your not ready yet.
The risk of pregnancy is always very real for all sexually active women (the only way to avoid pregnancy 100% is to remain abstinent) but most modern methods of contraception are over 98% effective if used properly. Make an appointment with your doctor before making the decision to have sex.
And finally, everybody was once naive and inexperienced about sexual matters. And nobody really gets lessons either. We all just have to fumble about and figure it out for ourselves. And so will you...
I think if you're having to ask other people's opinions on whether you should have sex or not, then you're not ready...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 April 2022):
 Getting pregnant should be a concern as it is HIGHLY possible if you are having sex.
So what to do?
Well, there is birth control. Be it a non-hormonal IUD, low hormone pill, implant for you, and ALWAYS condoms for him. PREFERABLY both. Especially, until you are ready to be a parent.
If you DO get on birth control TALK to your doctor/GYN about how long to be on BC before having sex.
Using a condom EVERY time as well as BC is just smart. It's still not 100% but much closer than sticking to only one or the other, IT IS both of your responsibility to practice safe sex.
And if EITHER of you has had sex before, that person ought to get an STI panel done.
Why not talk to your mom?
...............................
|
