A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I am a 16 year old female. I borrowed a lap top from my best friend's younger brother. He is 13. He has had a crush on me forever. He would probably jump in a volcano if I said it would impress me. So I used the laptop and did my project, but I admit I got curious and found his browser history is full of some serious porn links and some of it pretty kinky. So I returned it and told him he should clear his browser history and he like died of embarrassment. It was funny watching him squirm with him knowing what I know about him, but I also felt bad for the little dude. He begged me not to say anything to his sister or parents and swore he was not a perv but just curious. I pointed out it was a LOT of porn and asked him directly if he was masturbating to it. I made him admit it. I told him it was gross and if I was a girl his age I would not date him if he was into porn and could not keep from touching himself. I think he was going to cry but he walked away so who knows. For sure I killed his dreams of dating me someday which he needed to get over that anyway. I really want to tell his sister. I wonder if I should tell his parents so they can get him professional help so he does not become a real pervert. He is not a bad kid I guess but just dealing with all that boy puberty crap. He now seems panicked when I hang with his sister at their house which sucks because I miss him crushing on me TBH. I made some jokes talking about computers around him and he did not think it was funny. So he has no sense of humor but I guess he is sweating if I will tell on him. How do I let him know I don't hate him without making him think I approve of his porn use or am like wanting to be his girlfriend. Oh and he is a volunteer in our church which makes him a major hypocrite. I wonder what the others in our group would think if they knew he was a porn freak masturbator. It is good he helps poor people though. So please tell me what to do.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 May 2022):
 " I am being punished because he was a pervert and a crybaby and said I blackmailed him." . . . "Maybe what I said to him pressured him to get help for his porn problem. Maybe they should thank me."
I'm sorry to tell you that no one will ever thank you for blackmailing. He trusted you, he looked up to you. And in return, you took advantage of him, and then, as if using his valuable equipment for free wasn't enough, you threatened and belittled him. Your true feelings are reflected in your choice of labels for him.
You can not bring a person to the light by throwing them under the bus. I would suggest that you have a talk with your pastor about "youth protection" He or she can likely point you to some training material that will help you to understand why what you have done here is not commendable, but rather it was dangerous. You are very nearly 18, You will soon be liable for this kind of mistake, and a shunning will seem to you as a light punishment compared to what would come down on your head as an adult.
This is why no one here is on your side. You acted with recklessness towards a vulnerable person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2022): I am a good person. I am not a bad person. I don't appreciate so many of you making it seem like I am the bad person here. I could have told on him but I did not tell.
Just so you know he told on himself to his parents and now no one in that family will talk to me. I am being punished because he was a pervert and a crybaby and said I blackmailed him. The favors I asked normally he would have done for me in the past and had nothing to do with this. He even did this dramatic confession in our youth group and asked people to pray for him. I noticed he mentioned the porn and not the masturbation part. Maybe what I said to him pressured him to get help for his porn problem. Maybe they should thank me. You people are no help. Someone should be on my side in all this. He probably still thinks about me and is just mad I rejected him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2022): Im just glad im not your friend and that you haven't come acrossed anything personal and private of mine by mistake. You have to understand, this isnt just the boys no no, its his private, well, pretty much a bit of his personal sex life, and regardless of whether youre into it or not, why would you think thats his moms business? Im trying to imagine someone telling my mom about me in such a nature. Thats harsh as heck fr. I dont see where you get anything out of it, you're not doing him some huge favor, anf you cant get high off someone else's downfalls.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 April 2022):
 Wow, you are one class act. I was going to end that sentence with "young lady" but there is nothing ladylike about your behaviour. The irony of you calling this 13 year old child a hypocrite because he is involved with the church but watching porn, while YOU get off on tormenting, bullying and belittling this child is just mind blowing. I bet your church leaders/group would be so proud of you if you told this story.
As you make out you are whiter than white in this area, how come you are an expert on what is "pretty kinky"? You obviously watched some of this stuff to even know its content.
They say "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely". You are abusing the "power" you feel you have over this child. End this abuse NOW before you do him more permanent psychological damage than watching porn ever will. Tell him you are sorry for speaking to him as you did and that, while you don't condone watching porn, you are not going to tell anyone else about it. Then leave it be and find a new way to get your kicks. I am sure you can think of better things than tormenting and abusing a child.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): How about steering him away from porn by showing him the real thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): You definitely handled this situation poorly, but I’m not going to judge you as a person over it. I am twice your age, but I can think back to 16 and know I have no right to judge you.
You can’t change what you’ve already done, but you can make it right. I’d start by apologizing for name-calling and being rude before, and tell him you aren’t going to mention it to his family, and stick to your word. Telling them won’t accomplish anything good, and it will be humiliating for him. If you truly care about his well-being, you can suggest he read some books on porn addiction, but it is up to HIM if he wants to be educated on the topic or not. Porn isn’t harmless, and just because it’s “normal” doesn’t mean it should be encouraged. However, he is 13, so I don’t really expect him to care about being addicted, or think about the long term effects it could have on his brain. All you can do is make the suggestion. After that, don’t mention it again. Don’t think of him as a pervert or a freak, or shame him any further. He’s just a kid with raging hormones. He needs guidance not judgment.
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A
male
reader, fatgunman +, writes (29 April 2022):
I'm going to use one of my standard answers. First let me tell you a story. I knew a police officer in nearby Salina. He spoke of a fellow officer who got into a situation where he had an armed and very aggressive subject and both had drawn weapons. However the suspect fired and wounder the officer. The officer never fired and would probably have hit his target at that distance. When he was debriefed about the incident it turns out that in his mind the officer was waiting for a whistle. That's right a whistle. Turns out at the firearms range they were always using a whistle to tell the officers when to fire. So in real life he was waiting for the whistle. Here's the point. If little Dude is grabbing his junk and looking at porno then this is how he is going to react in life. No he doesn't have to. If he is obsessed about you he is grabbing his junk and thinking of you. You are the subject of the porno in his mind. He needs to get over the very powerful effects of porno. Try to steer him to some help. He's a kid being faced with a drug problem. Porno is like a drug and he may need real professional help to escape it if not now then soon. Be a friend and don't worry about what people think of you worry about the welfare of your friend. Ten years down the line he will call you hero.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2022): Well whilst others may not judge, I will happily!
What on earth gives you the right to treat another person this way? Your behaviour is that of a nasty immature bully and a user.
You say you feel bad for him yet you are the cause of him feeling so ashamed of himself.
For your information, Mrs 'perfect', porn is universally watched and not be 'freaks' either. For him to have those feelings is normal, it's just too bad he gave so much time to a silly girl who would go on to tease him and make him feel ashamed of himself,
What you are doing is mental torture and that is unforgivable. Your conversation with him was nasty and i'm pretty sure his parents would see him as the one in the wrong, but you for the cruel way in which you have approached him.
My advice to you? Grow up! Get your own laptop and stay away from this boy!
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A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (28 April 2022):
 It’s not your business to tell anyone about his browsing history, or to scold him on what he can and can’t do.
Judging by your post, the only reason you want to tell her is because you like the drama and power. I definitely don’t think you are genuinely concerned, as you were entertained by him being embarrassed. I know you feel all powerful, unlike you know everything, just because you’re 16, but trust me, you’ve got a lot to learn. Your post just makes you sound like a mean immature teenager with someone else’s dirty secret.
There is nothing wrong with masturbation or porn. You’ve got a lot of growing up to do.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 April 2022):
It's really hard to read your post without judging you. Not for snooping, I'm pretty sure there was no reasonable expectation of privacy.
Honestly I don't like the way you handled the conversation with him. It seems to me as a misuse of perceived authority.
I can't see any reason for you to tell anyone about this. In fact it will only lead to further abuse by someone.
Just a side note, you seem to be very condemning of masturbation which is actually nearly universal. You might want to rethink that stand.
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