A
female
age
26-29,
*mma Heart
writes:I have this "friend" and we have been quite close for 2 years now. It seems as though every time I start dating someone, or if I fancy a man, my friend has to either try to sabotage it by telling him bad things about me, or will try to seduce him herself!She always does it underhandedly. The last time it happened, she already had a boyfriend, and she asked to see pictures of the new man I was seeing. When I showed her, she commented on how "yummy" he is, and then said "I won't steal your man again JOKE." I confronted her about it her inappropriate comment but she acted clueless, saying she's already got a boyfriend and he's not her type. Then next thing I know, she somehow found my man's Facebook profile, added him and was trying to message that same man I was seeing on Facebook behind my back, and was sending him suggestive pictures of herself. She does all this behind my back while telling me "what beautiful babies him and I would have" and how she's "rooting for me" to my face. She always tells me that I'm pretty and "perfect" but then goes and does this to me.I don't understand why she has to sabotage me when I have a decent man in my life. She has done this many times. What do I do about this friend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2022): Typo correction:
"If he tells, only after having sex with her; put on a pair of steel-toed work boots and kick [his] cheating @$$ to the curb!!!"
P.S.
"I have decided to block this girl- thank you all!"
And I don't blame you! You're very welcome!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2022): Well, yes...it's the guy's fault, if he allows himself to be seduced by any of your friends; while he's still dating you!
I don't much respect dudes who date the friends, or the sister, of a lady he used to date. Of course it's okay, if they've been broken-up and separated for awhile; but to do so shortly after a breakup is usually a guy just being a certifiable d!ck!!! It's cheesy-sleazy and greasy! It's a classic example of toxic-masculinity, a spiteful move done to hurt or debase you. The good news is, she's dating your leftovers, eating the crumbs that you dropped; and he's likely to pull the same move on her.
Don't let any guy, or female for that matter, try and convince you that they couldn't help themselves from cheating on you. Yes, we are all vulnerable to temptation; but one of the ways we determine the people we can trust (and those who are true to us); are the people who will honor and value your trust. They will prove their sincerity by trusting you back! That's a true friend; and that's the kind of person you want as a committed romantic-partner, or a spouse. Bear in-mind, these kinds of friends are rare; and when you are searching for a spouse, it is a character-trait you don't want to overlook or underappreciate.
If the guy rejects her advances, and let's you know what your friend is doing behind your back; consider that guy somebody you can trust. He has a conscience and respect for you.
If he tells, only after having sex with her; put on a pair of steel-toed work boots and kick is cheating @$$ to the curb!!! It might cross your mind, but I don't condone kicking guys in the balls! I have a pair, and that ain't an area you'd deliberately attack; unless it's in self-defense during an assault. If you go there, you better run before he recovers!!!
This is the kind of advice I'd give my own daughter, a sister, or a niece.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 May 2022):
 Well, It is ALSO the guy's fault if he engages with her in kind, as in if she sends "pictures" and he praises said pictures or send her some back. She can't MAKE them give her a response, that is the GUY's choice to do or not do.
But someone claiming to BE your friend shouldn't go after guys you are dating or getting to know, ever. So SHE is not a friend and not a good person.
Good luck, and I hope you will come to realize that a weight will be lifted off your shoulders once you don't have to deal with looking over your shoulder when you meet a new guy.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 May 2022):
 Well done. Cut all ties and keep it that way. Friends should add quality things to our lives, like peace, support, love. They should not make us feel on edge and act in underhand ways.
I am sure your life will be better for having got rid of this "friend".
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female
reader, Emma Heart +, writes (20 May 2022):
Emma Heart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have decided to block this girl- thank you all!
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female
reader, Emma Heart +, writes (20 May 2022):
Emma Heart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. And to the people saying it's the guys' fault.. yes it is IF he goes for her as well. It's both of them. But the guy has only reciprocated with her once. All the other guys she has gone after that I've dated haven't been interested and they are the ones who told me she was messaging them behind my back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2022): OP, how do you consider someone who does this to you a friend? Not just once, but again and again!
A friend wishes you well, respects your boundaries, shows-up unexpected when you need them most, celebrates your good-times, watches your back (instead of stabbing you in it); and weeps with you during your sorrowful times. They want you to find love; and the last thing a real friend will do is betray you.
You should never be placed in a position of fighting over men. Least of all, you shouldn't have to warn her about her behavior around the men you're dating. Your friendship died the day she pulled-off the first stunt; so you aren't preserving your friendship by forgiving her over and over. She thinks you're a fool for letting the wolf take a peep at your sheep.
The woman you've described is mean, and she's jealous of you. She can't stand the thought that you might find true-love; or a man better looking than she has. You've confronted her about it, and she pretended to be clueless? Girlfriend, that's the worst kind!!! She is the type who won't stop at going after your dates, she would go after your husband; especially, if she thinks you might have found someone better than whomever she's with.
When a friend's love turns to envy, that's when it's time for them to go!
If you don't want to end-up in the nastiest of fights, I suggest you slowly ease-out of this so-called friendship; because you've witnessed several times with your own eyes and ears what she is capable of.
She doesn't want you to find a good-man, and she's secretly envious of you. She will keep-up the friendship façade; because it keeps her at a vantage-point where she can continue to sabotage or undermine your love-life. Plus she gets to reap the benefits of a true and loyal friend. Who doesn't seem to have a clue...oh, but you do! That's why you're here! It breaks your heart at the thought of severing the friendship. She "used" to be your girl! That ain't the case nowadays! You might even fear what she'd do in retaliation. Just be prepared, you already know what she's capable of. Just keep her away from your men; and don't publicize your every move and every-time you sneeze on social media. Don't brag about your boyfriends in-front of her, she doesn't appreciate your happiness; and she will see an end to it at her earliest convenience.
It would drive her crazy, if you cut her off from access to your social media accounts. She'd probably troll and scour the internet to find access back into your social media accounts to find-out who your latest love-interest is; for only one reason. To muck it up, or to seduce him to prove you can't find anyone better than she can. She's your competitor, not your friend. Your friendship ended when she started undermining your relationships. Probably long before that.
An envious-friend is an enemy who hides behind a smile and a pat on the back to gain your trust. They know when your guards down, and that's when they'll strike. You've seen the red-flags. Time to put up the shields and arm the phasers! This is survival! The enemy has infiltrated your heart; and you still feel love for her, even though she betrays you. Gosh, girlfriend! I've been there too! It's rough!
You have a history that goes way-back; so that makes it harder to cut her off. Well, how many boyfriends or dates has she sabotaged thus far?
I rest my case!
Live and learn. Know who's a friend and who's not!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2022): I know a woman like this, I'm not friends with her directly but she does this to a friend of mine, we are all in our forties so it's mind boggling to me that our mutual friend keeps making up with her after she constantly does shitty things which has included sleeping with her boyfriend of a couple of years.
I think you lack self confidence or it would be a none brainer but to remove yourself far away from her. She's clearly not a woman's woman, she doesn't have the morals and conduct to be a good friend.
My advice is get rid of her from your life because the only thing she will do is sap your self esteem further. She very clearly is not a friend.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 May 2022):
For some reason, you seem to pick friends - and boyfriends - who are not worthy of you. Perhaps you should ask yourself why this is. Why do you not think you deserve better?
A "decent" man will not be easily lured away by some suggestive photographs.
Why can you not see that this woman is not a friend to you? Why, despite all her bad behaviour, do you continue to allow her to stay close? There is something seriously wrong here. Friends support each other; they don't set out to sabotage each other's relationships.
Bottom line is: you need to be more selective and picky when you choose friends.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (14 May 2022):
 This woman is far from a friend. The best thing you can do is realize this and cut her out of your life. A true friend would never go after your man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2022): You are blaming this woman when a guy loses interest in you. If you date or go with a guy and he loses interest that is down to you, he is bored or found someone he prefers, not her fault.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2022): She is not a friend. As for her going after the men you want, these guys have a brain and can decide if they prefer her to you. If they prefer her that is down to them, it is their choice. Men are human beings, not your property. They can decide who they date and sleep with same as you can.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2022):
You call that a friend?!!
"I don't understand why she has to sabotage me when I have a decent man in my life."
OP, she isn't your friend. Pretending to be supportive is not what a friend does. Nor do a friend go after men you are getting to know or wanting to date. Friends don't do this.
"She always tells me that I'm pretty and "perfect".
She probably thinks you are pretty and "perfect" and thus whatever you have she wants so SHE can feel pretty and "perfect" too.
She also sounds like a shitty GF! So it's not like she will actually KEEP a guy for long, is it?
I would limit my contact with this one and at some point just cut contact or let her know that her behavior is unacceptable in a friendship and you are done. THEN cut all contact, block her delete her, remove her, etc.
Lastly, I will add this. People can't "steal" another person. People are not things. If you are talking to a guy and she swoops in with lies, suggestive pictures, etc, trying to woo him - if he falls for that, he isn't worth for you to pursue. Because his head is so easily turned.
"What do I do about this friend?"
Isn't it obvious? You cut her out like the toxic tumor she is!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2022): Seriously just cut her off, who wants that selfish energy in their life. She sounds hugely jealous and insecure to do that, and an actual friend wouldn't dream of doing that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2022): "She has done this many times "...and you still count her among your friends ??Why?Fool me once, shame on you, - fool me twice ( and more )shame on me. She is no friend of yours because she lacks a very important quality in a friend, i.e. loyalty. De-friend her with no regrets;stop hanging out with her,inviting her out, sharing news about your life,and communicating in general.
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