A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is pregnant first trimester. We havent been doing sexually anything and its frustrating but im trying to be considerate.I know my girlfriend watches porn. I asked her a few times and ive tried talking to her that its ok to tell me. Ive offered solutions like we watch or video it like we have in the past. Communication isnt her strong point and gets exhausting when Im the only one doing the talking. I feel like intimacy on all levels have dropped. Ive tried talking to her about the issues Ive had.The thing that hurts the most I asked her if she had played with herself that day and she got angry and said no! I saw her history and she had :( its the lie that hurts the most.I feel like im losing her. Im doing everything from working fulltime and feeling like a single parent (we have another kid) since she has gotten pregnant.Where do I go from here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2023): A relationship without true communication is doomed. Many relationships go wrong and end, but without communication from both it is far more likely. Your girlfriend seems to be living on a little planet all alone, not really interested in you, and you talk as if sex is the only thing that matters despite the fact you have a baby on the way and a relationship that desperately needs to be sorted. Both of you come across as self absorbed and naive, immature, too lazy to stick to what needs sorting and thinking about pleasure only. I feel sorry for the baby that is on the way. Babies need strong parents who get their priorities right. Have you thought about how to finance having a baby? Your job(s), savings, home, family, and the things that matter at all or do you only think about when she plays with herself? You already sound like a pair that are living on borrowed time but you can change that by growing up. Lots of people play with themselves - as you put it - they don't need permission!
If you are good at giving advice about relationships earn good money doing that at askagonyauntsadviceonline.com.
It's a forum and an agony aunt letter page. Similar to this but where it pays you to advise if you sign up and want to be a real advisor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2023): I’m sorry, but I disagree with the poster saying he’s being controlling. If he’s told her he’s okay with porn use, there really is no reason for her to lie about it. Clearly, the OP is mainly upset about the lying. I will never understand why some people believe it’s okay for people to lie about being a porn user, even if their partner is NOT okay with it. Just as much as a person has a “right” to watch it, another person has a “right” to say they don’t want it in their relationship and even decide it’s a dealbreaker. It’s not about control. After all the research and studies that prove regular porn use is harmful to relationships, I can’t figure out why people still insist on defending it. That aside, I think the OP also feels rejected she seems to be disinterested in intimacy with him, yet wants to please herself. I get that she is pregnant, but there is a valid concern her “habit” will continue even after the pregnancy and recovery.
Talk to her, OP. If she’s choosing to go solo over body confidence issues, make it clear YOU are still interested and find her attractive, if you haven’t already. Women need to feel desired sexually in order to want to have sex. Maybe she feels like you don’t want her because her body is changing during pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 August 2023):
 You don't own your girlfriend. She is not cheating on you by "playing with herself". To be honest, I am not surprised she does not want to be intimate with you if you are this controlling. A woman needs to feel loved before she wants sex. Think about that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 August 2023):
 You two need to actually talk.
First of all, IF she "wants" to "play" with herself (without you) THAT is ENTIRELY her right, it's her body. (just as YOU can"play" with yourself if you want).
Second of all, she is pregnant, so she might not FEEL a huge want for sex, she might feel her body is uncomfortable or even unattractive. Being temporarily horny can still happen to people, and sometimes people just want to get over it or get it out of the way, hence the "solo-play".
You are not losing her, her hormones are being weird and you are micro-managing her sexuality. (which is weird).
Talk to her, tell her how you feel.
Each pregnancy is different. If this one wasn't planned that might be an added worry for her.
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