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Just figured out that my wife is bisexual

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2023) 6 Answers - (Newest, 30 October 2023)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My wife is bisexual and I never knew until we got married. She got saved late in life and has a past (drugs) but has repented and we did church counseling before agreeing to court. She claimed she never prostituted but that she had been "raped" by drug dealers and live in boyfriends in her addiction. She had 5 years sober when she got saved and has 7 now. She understands now that the bad things that happened to her were due to her sinful lifestyle and I was warned to stay away from her

She lived alone despite church families offering to let her live with their families and rent/be part of the household as unmarried women should not be living alone. She had to be taught that if she didn't like "surprise" guests that was a sure sign she was hiding something.

I only began dating her once she moved in with my aunt J, uncle T, and cousins. She got completely on board with everything including renouncing ckothes, music, movies, books, family and acquaintances who did not line up with church teachings. She regret as a Christian.

We've been married 9 months and two months ago I found out she was talking/meeting with a liberal friend from her past. I did some research and realized the lady is a lesbian and Unitarian. I told her to cut ties and she said she would but I read her messages and she's still friendly with her. The friend said, "you need you a good woman ". My wife said, "I don't identify as bisexual anymore. I was confused. I never had sexual attraction to women" her friend listed girls she'd been with

How do I confront my wife and make her cut her off? I'm too embarrassed to arrange a meeting with our preacher about how my wife is having an affair with a woman

View related questions: affair, christian, cousin, her past, lesbian, moved in, prostitute

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2023):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAs if the original post was not bad enough, you are now replying as an anonymous female. You really do need professional help.

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A male reader, Keen Fox United States +, writes (30 October 2023):

You are overreacting. You said “my wife is having an affair” but how do you know that? According to what you wrote here, your wife is merely talking to a woman who is an old friend - nothing more. Surely that is nothing to freak out about: Do you actually have evidence of an affair or are you jumping to conclusions? Based on what you wrote here, I see no reason why your wife should stop talking to this friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2023):

She's having an emotional affair. If she were straight, it would be a friendship. This is different. She never told me she was bisexual, I wouldn't have married her. That's a lie. She has plenty of friends in church who let me know what she says about me. It's why she's told not to talk to anyone outside church. They'll feed her liberal lies and give her a false sense of power.

It's not that anyone is right to rape anyone. It's that most rapes occur when a woman is drunk or on drugs and alone with a man. Actions lead to consequences. If women would stay sober and never go anywhere alone with an unrelated male rapes would decrease dramatically. Even if she says no and he listens, he has to look over his shoulder in case she falsely accuses him. It looks bad for both parties.

It's like leaving your wallet on a table in a coffee shop with money in it. No one should rob you but you shouldn't open the door to evil either.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2023):

That's an interesting story , too bad is a fake one. Aunt J, Uncle T, the "surprise " visits , and so many other details - the usual suspects : that's an old acquaintance of Dear Cupid who every now and then resurfaces to share with us elaborate stories about stern and oppressive Christian-like sects or cults which,I bet, none of us has ever met in real life. This time the OP just got a bit more "modern" and introduced a sexy twist with the Unitarian lesbian lady.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (29 October 2023):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat the hell did I just read? Have I woken up in the 19th century? The further I got into your post, the higher my blood pressure got. You are a condescending evil petty self-righteous judgmental man and your poor wife, who has already suffered so much, deserves better.

I don't know what "Christian" religion you are involved in, but it sounds like some sort of cult which is hell-bent on brainwashing and controlling its members/followers.

How DARE you - as a supposed Christian - state that "the bad things that happened to her were due to her sinful lifestyle"? You are the epitome of the evil which is perpetrated worldwide in the name of religion.

As for being friends with the woman who is gay, do you think gay people cannot be friends with other people of the same sex without having sex with them? You have zero - ABSOLUTE ZERO - evidence that your wife is having an affair with this woman. Your wife has even stated that she feels no attraction towards women and that she does not identify as bisexual, but you have chosen to attach zero significance to that.

Stop reading her messages. Stop judging her. She has suffered enough in this life without a wazzock like you trying to control her. If she was my friend, I would be urging her to get away from you and from the cult under whose control she has fallen.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (29 October 2023):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntTest

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