A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’ve found myself in a very awkward situation that I know I’m to blame but I need advice on how to let my friend down gently and not ruin our friendship….Last year my husband got a new job which unfortunately meant he had to travel away every few months. Now I really struggle when he’s away - yes I do work full time (from home) yes I do have activities to keep me busy but I hate being in an empty house.I got talking to a good friend of mine who kindly offered to stay with me, when my husband is away. So for the past year this is what we have been doing and it’s been great- she lives in a house share with 1 other person who is barely home and she gets lonely too plus my husband likes the fact I’m not alone when he is away. My husband and I have been looking for a bigger house for a while now as we have outgrown our house and my friend always joked that if we ever bought a big house with a spare room she would come live with us and rent the room. We openly spoke about it - husband included and we both joked that-we would. So last month we bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home. FYI we have no children - we just needed more space for us both. Anyway my friend was actually being serious about renting our spare room. She is desperate to move out of her current house share and keeps asking me when the house will be ready for her to move in.I have no idea how to let her down gently as we have no intention of renting the room out. Besides it wouldn’t be an ideal living situation all 3 of us under the same roof- it just wouldn’t work.I genuinely thought she was joking or I would never have jokingly agreed!! I know it now will look like I only want my friend over when my husband isn’t around - which isn’t the case she is welcome over any time just not to live….How do I let her down gently? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 November 2023):
 You need to tell her sooner rather than later so that she has time to make other plans. She is more than likely going to be quite upset and yes, she will probably assume you only want her around when your husband isn't, but you need to stand your ground, otherwise it will end really badly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2023): You are too concerned about being nice to her, all this how do I let her down gently is where you go wrong. She had no right to consider a joke to be serious and a promise. She never looked at this from your point of view or your husband's only hers. You can play her at her own game and offer the room for a ridiculous high rent - actually she is not wanting to rent a room she wants a house share cheap. When you rent a room you stay in the room, you use the bathroom and that is it. You do not share lounge etc, which I am sure she does. She gets a bargain house share for the price of a room. No wonder she wants to move in with you, sharing a wonderful big place at a very cheap price and company too. You can tell her that it costs x amount if someone moves in as that is half of the cost of running and paying for the house. She will soon change her mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2023): I would tell her what you told us.
That you as a couple cannât share your home with anyone and that she is always welcome to stay for a (short) while.
Just be avare of one thing. She is not without fault in this while thing. Dhe is emotionally blackmailing and manipulating you. No sane, responsible, adult person would consider a joke as a promise. And she was the one who started that "joke" in the first place. She was profiting from your husbands absence as much as you were when she was staying over.
I've had a few situations like that in my life where people tried to pressure me into doing things for them. I learned to see the situation for what it was the combination of my weakness and kindness and their attempt to convince me that they were actually doing me a favor!
So whatever you do, just don't make it sound so important. Treat is like a joke. Pretend that you thought she wasn't being serious. And then explain that you two cannot live with someone. Very few couples could. I can't think of any.
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