A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I moved in with my partner a year ago and things are becoming toxic in our relationship. I walk on eggshells most days with him. I am always trying to make him happy and putting him first. He’s a very negative person (glass always half empty) blames me for everything that’s wrong with us, says I don’t listen to his concerns (he has concerns about most things) he worries about everything and asks why don’t I worry about things he does. I don’t see my friends cause he starts arguments about me seeing them and how he’s just left alone at home. He has no friends, his brother doesn’t speak to him and has him blocked. He only has his mom and is a bit of a mommy’s boy. I feel quite lost in this relationship and that I’m just there to please and make him happy and feel better about himself. What kind of person am I dealing with? Is he depressed, toxic or is it me ruining the relationship as he says it is.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 September 2023):
 Of course he would love you to believe it is you ruining the relationship, because nothing is HIS fault. Little wonder he has no friends and even his brother has distanced himself from him.
Get out before you start believing his BS. You already know this guy is no good - for you or anyone else. He needs to sort out his head before ruining another relationship.
Run and don't look back. And NEVER dump your friends for a bloke.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 September 2023):
 Yep, what Honeypie said.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2023): Please LEAVE HIM.
He is abusing you.
Depression CANNOT justify abuse.
People who are depressed are not all the same. Good people when depressed could hurt others accidentally. What you say about your partner has nothing to do with depression. He's isolating and gult-tripping you. He makes you feel responsible for him, his emotions... and you walk on eggshells.
All red flags.
The good thing is that you DON'T think that this is normal. If you did, this would be a co-dependant relationship and very difficult to get out of because the victim believes that it's ok, that the abuser is just "hurt by the world" or had a bad childhood, or hates his work... and that everything else is the victim's fault.
Organize your exit. Put your documents and money in a safe place, tell your friends and family - people you trust! - and move out!
If you wait he will drain your energy, self-confidance, he will allianate you from your support system, he may even start controlling your finances... and then it will be much much harder to leave.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 September 2023):
 Move out, girl, and dump this guy.
No, it's not you. No wonder he doesn't have any friends and he is isolating you from seeing YOUR friends. No good.
Is he depressed? maybe.
Is he toxic, FOR sure.
Is it all YOUR fault? Well, the fact that you ENABLE him and walk on those eggshells, drop your friend because HE throws fits.. THAT is your fault. Those were YOUR choices.
MOVE OUT and MOVE ON.
You are just there to be his "spare mommy".
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