A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:5 months ago my friend and I took her 8 year old twins for a day out, for a picnic.On our way there my friend told me that another friend of hers (a mother from the twins school) with her 2 kids would be joining us. I’ve only met this woman a couple times. Once we arrived at the park her friend just left her kids with me and the twins whilst she was busy on her phone and chatting to our mutual friend. She then decided we should all go to a restaurant to eat - my friend pointed out that we already bought sandwiches and snacks for a picnic but her friend insisted we go out to eat as she didn’t bring anything.We went to a restaurant that unfortunately couldn’t accommodate my food allergies - so I wasn’t able to eat anything - which was fine. I only had a soft drink. When the bill arrived the friend turned to me saying “we’ll split the bill 3 ways”I told her I’d only be paying for my soft drink as I hadn’t eaten anything - she then accused me of lying by saying she thought I ordered food (she heard about my allergies so this was BS!)My friend just sat there saying nothing! So it’s safe to say it was pretty obvious neither of us liked each other. 2 months later it was the twins birthday - I’ve never missed one party thrown for them- covid aside. She told me they we weren’t having a party as they were being treated to a day out instead. I had their gifts so I asked my friend to let me know when I could pop over to give it to them- she said she’d be in touch but never was! I then saw on Facebook that she had been tagged in to a post which showed picture of the twins birthday party - she had all her family and friends there including her rude friend that came out with us. So I figured my friend lied to me (ironically the Facebook post had disappeared later on). And she clearly didn’t want me around so I washed my hands of her there and then, I didn’t contact her or anything.Now the other day she contacted me out of the blue, wanting to arrange for us to go out with the twins.I took this opportunity to confront her about the birthday party (I wasn’t rude I just told her what I saw on Facebook and why she lied to me about it).She admitted that because her other friend was coming to the party with her kids and as we didn’t get along she didn’t want any awkwardness.She said she wanted her friend at the party because her kids are friends with the twins, so it was easier not to invite me! I’ve know my friend for 16 years- she’s only known this other woman since last year and yet picked her over me because she has kids and I don’t! I do to some level understand this, however she could have told me beforehand- not lied about it. Now I’m questioning if I even want her back in my life seeing as she was quick enough to leave me out!
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 August 2023):
 I would play your friend at her own game if she contacts you again. If she tries to make arrangements to go out, say you will be in touch, just as she did, and then don't bother, just as she did.
She broke your trust when she lied to you. Leave her to her new friend and move on with your life.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Google "Friend for a reason, friend for a season, friend for life", which will hopefully help you make sense of it all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2023): Our Party animals friends Bob and Jill were married 5 years and we're trying to have kids. My girlfriend and I were going to eventually marry and have kids when we got a surprise. The rhythm BC worked 99 times out of 100. They were happy and envious. ~We're trying to have kids, you're trying not to and you get the kid.~ Like playing the lottery religious and your friend finds the winning ticket on the curb. We still partied, rented the usual beach house. They Babysat while we hit the bars. They were only too happy to. Then around 8 and Little League everything change. We had new friends, other LL parents Bob and Jill didn't like. They were resentful. And they never had kids and never gave up trying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2023): Wow! Who needs enemies with friends like this one?!
I agree with the others,i'd just be 'busy' for a while until she stops asking and leave her to her new friendship. I doubt that friendship will last long because this other friend sounds equally as bad!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2023): Friends do not act the way she did.
Sometimes a friendship runs its course and that is fine.
Just be careful. There are some people who don't want to lose the benefits they have from some of their freinds, even though they are not interested in them anymore.
I'd distance myself from her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 August 2023):
 "Now I’m questioning if I even want her back in my life seeing as she was quick enough to leave me out!"
I think you SHOULD question this friendship.
She dropped you like an anchor for a "new" friend to avoid "awkwardness"... Her kids would have been happy to see you, to get presents, and wouldn't have noticed "awkwardness" between adults as they would be WAY too busy with friends and family.
I think she wants to have you go out with the twins because the other friend isn't available or the twins asked about you.
She isn't your friend. She knew she excluded you and couldn't just have been honest with you. Why couldn't you have stopped by and dropped off presents for the kids? On another day?
Personally? I would be unavailable. I would look elsewhere for a "new" friend.
You can have more than ONE friend. If some of your friends don't get along it's up to THEM to learn how to behave when they are in the same event. I bet you would have behaved perfectly fine at the kids birthday party and not caused drama! And she knows that too.
Give it a while and your "friend" will have drama with this other mom. I bet you.
Take some time away from her and figure out if you actually want to be around her.
You don't have to "break up" the friendship, just be too busy for a while, so YOU can figure out if you even want to be part of her life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2023): Can I tell you something that will be an "unpopular opinion"? Friendship is overrated. Extremely overrated. I learnt the hard way that it's a miracle if a good, healthy friendship stands the test of time. Mostly people get busy with their own lives, their partners/ spouses, children, work etc and then the inevitable happens, as it did with you. Your friend prioritised the new "friend" over you because of the kids. And this is how it's going to be from now on. The kids will obviously want to be with their friends and you'll be out because that other person doesn't get along with you. And your friend will try to pacify you a few times and then give up because she'll say that she has enough on her plate as it is and cannot deal with your drama.
If I were you, I'd distance myself from this friend. She lied to you and she obviously has a different life now, where you don't fit it. Just don't make a big deal out of this and announce anything. Do your own thing and move on.
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