A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a female and have a crush on an assistant principal at the school I work with. I have noticed he is good friends with another teacher. While she is married, pregnant, and has a child I am jealous of how he seems to respond and relate to her. I often see them meeting in his office before, during, or after school on a regular basis. She will text him to assist her when she needs help with a student and he seems to give her attention. The few times I have been around him she has even questioned me as to what I am doing or why I am there to speak with him but then say she is teasing. I am just jealous of their relationship/friend even if it is silly. I have been talking with him and feel we are also somewhat close so I asked him the other day if they are good friends. He told me he is her assistant principal and appraiser. It made me feel awkward as if he was trying too hard to sound professional and/or he was on to me being jealous/curious and was trying to reassure they are only professional. He graciously did answer as he could have questioned why I want to know, and luckily I left it there but his answer also makes me wonder if he has something to hide...then again I feel if someone was going to have an affair or something it would not be so open and obvious. Part of me feels I am being illogical because he has worked hard to get to his position and if it was found out he was having an affair with a 'subordinate' it could have ramifications on his job.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2023): Agreed with what the others have said but as an afterthought, are you sure this woman isn't his wife? It is bizarre that she would act posessive of him whilst pregnant and let's face it, as a vice principle, he is hardly going to make this a publicly known fact.
Just a thought. Maybe this is why she is trying to put you in your place.
Either way, as others have said, you basically need to know your place and get into it if you plan on keeping your job and your reputation.
You may think your crush is secret, but let me tell you, crushes are so obvious to everybody and everybody will be onto your behaviour.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2023): Are you really in your 30's?
I'm asking because yourbehavior is suggesting otherwise or you are just inexperienced or...
Work is no place for romance or intrigue. Whatever he is or isn't doing IS NOT your business. However, your crush IS your business and you need to learn how to act like an adult, crush or no crush.
Asking him about her was not acting like an adult. You have shown you cards, but there are several ways he can read them.
Obviously he is not interested in you, so he may either (rightly) think that you are interested in him and that you have spotted something he was tring to hide.
Or he may think that you are just a bussybody who is onto something.
As you can see none of those possibilities are good for you.
The bootom line is not that he can't have an affair with his subordinate. It's ill-advised and it would have consequances, but he could risk it. The bottom line is that he's not into you. This alone should be enough to help your cush die down. This is what happens with healthy adults.
But some peopel are not adults and some are not healthy.
Obssessing over a person is not healthy no mater how alive it may make you feel.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (4 November 2023):
 Nobody is more observant than someone who has a crush on someone. I'm speaking from past experience, when I was younger and more foolish.
You admit it would be inappropriate for him to have an affair with a "subordinate" so, logically, your crush has nowhere to go. You need to accept this and try to ignore what he does with this other teacher, otherwise it will just eat you up inside.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2023): Don't worry about anyone else: worry about getting your jealousy under wraps or at least mask it better!
Case 1: it's nothing, he's professional, friendly and not interested. They both know that and she enjoys making you feel stupid. He's telling you without telling you to get off his ass.
Case 2: it is something But even though it's in the open it's not your place to worry about it. Put your crush away and be professional. She knows you're jealous, he knows you know he's into her and he's prepared to make sure you're thrown under the bus if there's any chance the affair comes to light
Before you approach him, make sure it's something only HE can answer/approve. Otherwise ask someone else. If he asks a question, don't give out unnecessary information to prolong the conversation. He doesn't even need to know youre looking forward to hockey season.
Don't walk around with a RBF, but don't smile too much or make eye contact too long. If she's with him, wait til he's gone to ask his opinion/approval or just tell hercwhat you need.
Otherwise, leave him alone
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